Reviews are awesome you guys. I was so surprised when everyone was freaking
out about Justin and Courtney, so I left you hanging for an extra chapter.
But never fear, this is chapter 13 after all.
Jacaranda ~ You're awesome for recognizing the My So-Called Life references. I've got the whole season on DVD and I watch it all the time.
If you would like to be contacted when I update any of my stories please e-mail me, [email protected]. I also have fan fic stories posted on FanFiction.net!
Part Thirteen: Trying To Tell You
Courtney was miserable. It was entirely her fault, she knew that, she
couldn't deny that. It was October, a month and
a half already in to her senior year. She hadn't seen Justin since he had left and she wasn't sure if he'd been home to
visit his family yet.
They had talked to each other for a total of ten minutes online but
not about anything important, just classes and stuff
about their friends. He had e-mailed her his phone number at Campbell but she couldn't work up the courage to call.
She didn't really see the point either, talking to him would only make her feel worse.
Keersy was getting more and more annoyed with her. All Courtney did
was work and study. She rarely went out with
her friends anymore, there was no desire to go out and have fun if he wasn't around.
"Are you coming or not?" Keersy asked impatiently, breaking Courtney
out of a daydream. "The seminar starts in
like five minutes and I don't want to get stuck standing in the back."
"Yea, fine." Courtney threw the remains of her lunch away and walked
towards the library. There were already
meetings about college applications left, right and centre. She tried to remember if it all started this early when Justin
The whole idea of going to college or university next year seemed foreign
to her, she hadn't put much thought in to it
until now. That wasn't entirely true. Courtney had been working her butt off at the store and saving as much money
as possible. But that was about as far as her planning went.
There were no schools or programs that she was especially interested
in so the idea of applying was intimidating.
Keersy had forced her to look through a bunch of school catalogues but nothing jumped out at her.
Courtney sat uncomfortably in the plastic library chair and watched
the guidance counselors at the front of the room.
They just kept going on and on about different topics.
"If any of you are totally unsure of what program you want or which
will suit the career of your choice, then you
should make an appointment with one of us," Mr. Hockley announced. Courtney made a mental note to go and visit
Mr. Hockley later in the week. She knew that he wouldn't scold her for having no direction. Knowing him, he would
figure everything out for her. At least, regarding school.
"Maybe you should just call him," Keersy said as they left the library.
"Why are we talking about Justin all of a sudden?" Courtney asked her.
There were only a few minutes left in the
lunch period and all she wanted to do was get to class and finish the day.
"Because everyone is sick of you moping."
Courtney frowned, "Oh."
"Listen hun, I know you miss him. But you've got to stop taking this out on yourself and just tell him how you feel."
"How do you think I feel?"
"Okay, please don't get mad at me Court. The thing is, I know you're
upset and you want to see him. I think if you
talked to him, you could work things out."
Courtney nodded her head, "I've got to go to my locker before class. I'll see you later."
She felt bad brushing Keersy off, but if one more person told her to
get in touch with him she was going to scream.
Courtney knew she ought to talk to Justin about how she was feeling. But it had been a while since they broke up and
she was afraid that he wouldn't get back together with her anymore.
JT: hey. Did you just get back from school?
CoUrT: yep. how many classes did you have today?
JT: only 3.
CoUrT: that's good.
She silently berated herself for making idle chit chat with him and
not getting to the point. If she didn't say something
soon, Justin would move on and then what would she be left with?
CoUrT: Justin, do you think it would be okay if I called you sometimes?
JT: yea. I really miss talking to you.
CoUrT: me too.
JT: Sorry to cut this short, but I'm going out to the library to study with some people. Call me anytime though.
CoUrT: okay, I will. Bye.
Courtney smiled, now all she had to do was figure out what to say. It
was a good sign the Justin wanted to hear from
her and she was foolish to think otherwise.
In a good mood for the first time in weeks she opened Netscape and started
searching through the local college web
sites. She was determined to walk in to Mr. Hockley's office in the next week with at least some vague idea of what
she wanted to do.
"Hi Courtney have a seat."
She did as she was asked and sat in one of the generic looking office
chairs, it reminded her of the first time she had
been in the room to register for school. Courtney was pleased with the thought, she had come a long way. Back in
Vancouver Courtney's trips to the guidance office were more about her academic performance and discipline
"So I take it you're here to talk about what you want to do next year,"
Mr. Hockley said as he typed on his keyboard,
probably pulling up her file.
"Right," she replied. "I was a little unsure, but I thought about it some more this week."
"That's great. What are you thinking?"
She took a deep breath, "Well I decided I'd rather go to college. I
mean besides the obvious fact that it's less
"Don't count out university just because of the money, there are lots of ways to pay for school."
"Oh no, it's not just the money. I've saved up plenty to pay for school.
It was what you said at the seminar, about
college being more practical and hands on, as opposed to university which is lots of theory."
"Okay, I understand."
She nodded and went on. "There really isn't a specific program that
interests me, but I was thinking about something
and I've decided what sort of job I would like to have. I'd like to be a hairstylist," Courtney paused, happy to say it
out loud. She finally had a direction. "I still want to go to college, but I think I'll just take a general arts and science
diploma. Lots of places offer them and that way I can take some business streamed classes."
"It sounds like you really did put more thought in to this. Have you
considered doing a co-op. We have lots of kids in
work placement programs." He checked the computer screen, "You could change your schedule next semester and I
can find you a salon to co-op at. That way you can get a feel for the job."
"That sounds good," she replied, pleased with herself.
Since she had agreed to call Justin the week before, Courtney had picked
up the phone a dozen times but never
managed to dial the numbers. But when she got home that day, after talking to Mr. Hockley she was excited and
eager to tell somebody about her plans.
Her first instinct was to call Justin, so she did just that.
"Hello?" a male voice asked. It was probably one of his roommates, he
lived on campus in a townhouse with four other
"Is Justin there please?"
"Uhh, yea I think so. One sec."
A minute or two passed and finally Justin came on the phone. "Hello?"
"You sound sleepy," Courtney said, checking her watch to make sure it
was still the afternoon and she wasn't going
"Yea, I fell asleep after class. I was up late last night."
"Oh, I'm sorry I woke you up."
"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you called," he replied. "What's up?"
The tone of his voice made her stomach turn. He was genuinely happy
to hear from her. Courtney told him about her
meeting with the guidance counselor and how excited she was about the co-op program. "I can't believe it took me so
long to figure this out, it was stupid really."
"That's good though, that you're figuring it out now instead of going
in to some random course and hating it," Justin
assured her. "Do you have any idea which schools you'll apply to?"
"Probably ones close by. Claire said that I could stay here while I'm
going and that way it'll be a lot cheaper. I think
she really wants me to anyway. And Liz wants me around too."
They talked for another thirty minutes about what was going on in their
lives but neither one of them dared to veer on
to the topic of their relationship.
"I guess I should go," Courtney said. "I've got to work tonight."
"Oh, okay," Justin said, sounding a little down. "I'll give you a call, later this week."
"So when are you to going to talk about the important stuff? Like, about
getting back together?" Keersy asked as she
and Courtney watched a movie at her house on a Friday night. "You two have been calling each other for weeks now.
I think that's a good sign, right? And he's not talking about being friends or anything."
"Justin's got midterms right now," Courtney explained as if it were
obvious. "I don't want to spring all of this on him,
he's under a lot of pressure."
Courtney sighed and sat back on the couch, "Maybe after all of his exams. Then I can talk to him about us."
"Really? You mean you're not going to dork around with this anymore."
"Oh shut up," Courtney laughed. "I just don't want to freak him out right now."
"The way I see it, you don't even need a conversation. All you've got
to say is, 'Justin I love you, I'm a moron for not
telling you sooner.' Then he'll forgive you and you two will be going at it like rabbits again."
"It won't be that simple, but I think things will work out."
Keersy raised her eyebrows, "Oh my God! Is that a smile on your face?"
"I heard you were home for Thanksgiving."
"Well, only Friday night, then we went up to the cottage. There was
lots of family there," Justin explained. "I didn't
really have much time when I was in town to get together with anybody."
"Oh," Courtney replied, her disappointment obvious over the phone line.
He exhaled loudly, "Sorry Cour. I just thought it would be weird if we saw each other."
"How come?" she blurted out.
"You mean besides the obvious reasons? It's been a long time."
She sighed and played with the string on the hoodie she was wearing.
"I guess it might be weird. But I've never been
away from you for such a long time you know? I'm still allowed to miss you aren't I?"
"You wanted it this way," Justin said quietly.
"I know." She bit her lip and neither of them said anything for a while. "Justin, do you miss me?"
"All the time."
Courtney smiled a little then. "When are you coming home again?"
"I don't know, I haven't got any reason to. I probably won't be back
until Christmas break." Courtney's heart sank
again. "But you could come here."
"Well yea but only if you think it's a good idea."
Courtney sat anxiously in her seat on the bus, watching the rest of
the cars on the highway. It was only twenty
minutes in to the two hour drive and she could barely sit still. Justin was picking her up at the bus station and she was
going to spend the weekend at Campbell with him.
They had promised to keep it simple and all expectations low. But in
Courtney's mind visiting him as a 'friend' was a
load of crap and she could hardly contain her excitement. As happy as she was to be seeing Justin, she was also
The minute she had woken up that morning her stomach would not settle
and all day through school her friends had
recognized her as a nervous wreck and kept their distance. Halfway through the drive her nerves got worse and she
began to wonder if things would go smoothly.
When the bus finally pulled in to a crowded commuter parking lot she
saw Justin's car and scrambled past everyone
else. It was six thirty and getting dark outside since it was mid November. Courtney walked away from the bus
carrying her bag over her shoulder, Justin was leaning against his car watching her closely.
"Hi," Courtney replied shyly. They stood a foot apart, awkwardly wondering
how to appropriately greet each other.
She desperately wanted to be close to him but she felt like it wouldn't be right. Not yet. "Can I get a hug?"
"Of course." He wrapped his arms around her and they held on a little
longer than necessary. "Is that all you
brought?" Justin asked as he took the bag she had over her shoulder and put it in the back of the car. "'Kay, let's get
out of here then."
Courtney stood in the messy bathroom that Justin shared with two of
his roommates. She was brushing her teeth,
trying to get rid of the pizza they had all shared for dinner. When they got back to Justin's place she'd met all his
roommates and they'd eaten dinner together in the living room.
She hadn't had a minute alone with him since the car but it was probably
better that way. They were still getting used
to being around each other after so much time apart. She finished up in the bathroom and went to Justin's room to
change. He'd made plans with some of his friends to go out that night and she wanted to make a good impression on
There was a knock on the door as she pulled on a pair of black flares.
"Come in," she called, assuming that it was
He came in and sat down on the bed. "Did you bring your fake ID with you?"
"Yep, am I going to need it? I thought we were just going to a house
party." Courtney pulled off the t-shirt she had on
before and put on a white button down, Justin didn't even bat an eyelash.
"Well everybody kind of wants to go to a bar in stead."
"Will my ID work?"
He shrugged, "I don't know. But you probably won't even need it. Charlie
knows the guys that work the door. They
usually let us in, no waiting in line. It should be fine."
"Okay." She sat down beside him, "Justin, I just want you to know, I'm really glad that I came."
"Me too," he said.
"Are we going to get some time alone though? I mean, I don't mind hanging
out with your friends, I really want to
meet all of them." She tucked some hair behind her left ear, "But I really want to talk to you."
He sighed, "We'll talk. Just not yet okay? Let's just have fun tonight, like--"
"Like before?" she interrupted him. "It's not that simple Justin. We've got to talk about it."
He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "We will, I promise. But first
let's go out and have a good time, I haven't
seen you in months Cour. Then we can talk until we're blue in the face."
"Okay fine," she let him pull her out of the room.
"So you're the heartbreaker!"
"Excuse me?" Courtney asked. She was sitting in a booth with a handful
of Justin's friends, he had gone to the bar to
order some drinks.
"I'm only kidding," the girl who had made the comment replied. "I'm
Breanne. You are Courtney aren't you? Justin
told me his ex was coming for a visit."
"That would be me."
"Hey listen, I was really only joking with you," Breanne babbled on.
"Let's start over. Sorry if I offended you, that's
just how I am. God, there I go making an ass of myself. I'm awful at first impressions. It's just that Justin's told me so
much about you."
"It's okay," Courtney replied, accepting the apology.
"You know he was really looking forward to seeing you."
"So was I. But we've hardly had a minute alone," she pouted.
"Don't worry about that, he's just nervous. It's probably easier if
he has all of us around, that way you two can't
really get in to it."
Courtney frowned, "But what if we don't talk? Then this whole trip will be a complete waste of time."
"Don't think like that! He's over the moon for you, he's just keeping his guard up right now."
"I guess I can understand that. I did put him through hell."
Breanne smiled, "You two will be fine. He talks about you all the time, I feel like I've known you both forever."
"He really talks about me a lot?"
"God yes. Constantly. The guys don't put up with it, but I don't mind.
Just don't tell him I told you or he would kill
me," Breanne said out of the corner of her mouth as Justin approached the table again.
Courtney traced the condensation on her glass with her fingers, normally
she wouldn't be nursing her drink this way
but she was just not in a mood to party and get drunk. She was having fun though, Justin's friends were hilarious and
she was getting along really well with Breanne. She was determined to stay pretty sober though, so that when the time
came she could have a serious conversation with Justin.
It was around midnight by then and the bar was still in full swing.
Courtney was beginning to get antsy though, Justin
was playing pool with his buddies and she wished he would come over and pay some attention to her.
After a few minutes he finished the game and walked to the table. "Is
that the same drink I got you half an hour ago?"
he asked as he slid in to the booth next to her.
"Yep," she took a sip to satisfy him.
"Are you having a good time?"
She nodded. "Are you?"
"Yea. But I was thinking maybe we could get out of here, that is if you want to."
"That's fine," Courtney answered, not wanting to seem too enthusiastic.
They said goodbye to everyone, Breanne winked discreetly at Courtney and she and Justin headed outside.
Back at his house, Justin unlocked the door and he and Courtney walked
inside the empty townhouse. Justin busied
himself in the kitchen, he got himself a glass of water and turned to look at Courtney. "Let's go in my room, I don't
know when everyone else will get back."
She followed him in and closed the door behind them. Justin put his
drink down on the bedside table and pulled his
sweater over his head, his t-shirt riding up a little and exposing his stomach.
Courtney was distracted by this and stood the middle of the room watching him.
"I know I said we should talk, I just don't know where to begin. I've
had so much time to think about this, but now I
have no idea what to say."
"That's okay," Justin said as sat down on the edge of the bed. He took her hands in his and pulled her towards him.
"No it isn't. God Justin, I owe you an enormous apology."
"Cour," he said impatiently as he maneuvered her on to the bed. "It's fine."
She shook her head, "Don't do that. Don't brush it off. I fucked up okay? I wasted so much time."
"It doesn't matter that we broke up before. We're together now." He
took her face in his hands and kissed her. "It's
Tears were coming to her eyes and she broke away from him. "Justin I'm trying to tell you I love you."
"I love you too Cour."
She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to say that to you."
"I knew you did. You were just scared."
"You always have more faith than I do." She wiped her eyes, "God, do
you know how lucky you are? You're the only
one that gets to see me cry.
"Sometimes I think I'm the only one that makes you cry."
"I knew it. I knew this was a bad idea." Courtney said quietly as she pulled the sheets up to cover her.
"What are you talking about?" Justin asked, worry creeping on to his face.
"I didn't want to come because I knew how hard it would be to leave."
He sighed in relief, "Jesus Cour. You scared the hell out of me."
"I missed hearing you call me that." She cuddled up against him, "I really, really missed you."
"Mostly I missed the sex," he teased.
Courtney punched him lightly in the arm. "Yea, that too," she laughed. "I wish I didn't have to go home on Sunday."
"You could always just drop out of school, come live up here with me," he joked.
"When can you come home again?"
"Maybe the weekend after next. But after that I'll have exams and I
won't be home until Christmas break. But that'll
be good. I'll be home even before you're out of school. We'll have a few weeks."
Courtney pushed the covers away and swung her leg over his, "Then we'll
have to make up for all that time apart."
Don't worry guys. I'm planning on writing a sequel, the third part in the whole Justin-Courtney story. So look for that soon, if you want to know as soon as I publish it then get on my mailing list. In the mean time, keep reading Any Day Now to get your Courtney fix.
Thanks for all your reviews, you guys have been awesome!! I've been writing this story forever, at least it seems like that. The response has been really cool.