It seemed like an ordinary day in the city of New York. Bees were buzzing, flies were flying, and muggers were mugging. Well, it seemed like an ordinary day (HINT HINT). In other words, it won't be an ordinary day. Something's going to happen! Something did happen. Because of some vague nuclear accident, an unusual number of centipedes were terrorizing New York. They were eating Donald Trump's money, infesting Rudy Giuliani's head, and filling the gap between David Letterman's teeth. All the citizens could do was run around aimlessly and scream at the top of their lungs.
The best and brightest insect scientists were called to action. Actually, there was only one, but people said he said the strength of three insect specialists. However, he turned out to be of no help at all. The real help came from an ordinary joe. That's more than a figure of speech, his name really was Joe. Well, most people called him Joey, but that had absolutely nothing to do with the story. Joe had a solution that the insect scientist would have never thought of. "Why don't we just, like, squish 'em?" Joe said, with his ultra-simplistic logic. Everyone agreed that the idea was brilliant. Well, in reality, they thought it was the stupidest thing they had ever heard since George W Bush visited, but they didn't want to hurt his feelings. They tried the plan, since they didn't have anything better to do. Oddly enough, it worked. All the citizens had to do was, as Joe said, "squish 'em." The mayhem had soon been cured. The mayor of the city, who had squished centipedes on his head, congratulated Joe with a medal and a Kia to the city. New York was free from the multi-legged abominations and was ready to start from where it left off. Every centipede was dead....except for one...

But it eventually died of natural causes, so nobody had to worry about it.

of this story, but not of stories like it.

Second draft - 9-09-01
Kevin Magpoc
Any unauthorized duplication is
useless, and just plain sad.