Column 768

By: Kordia Kell

My computer has a new habit. Instead of automatically going on to the nexine at the end of the page, it has decided to go on horizontally until ieaches column 768. However, this phenomenon doesn’t occur when words oymbols are being typed, but only when the space bar goes off on its own. I
know I can’t prove this to you, and you have no reason to believe me, buou must.

This could destroy us. Even the mere possibility of the governmeniscovering this could give them the ability to control citizen’s lives i new way. We would be their slaves, their personal companions, their…
CONSTITUITES! To save the world, I must make the ultimate sacrifice.

I must go to the closet and bring out the weapon I hid years ago just iase this kind of emergency should arise. I must take that weapon anrevent myself from ever revealing my secret. I must wrap duct tape abouy head, over my mouth, 534 times, just as my teacher once instructed me.
My fourth grade teacher used this method to make me be quiet during matlass, however she only wrapped it three or four times, so I would be ablo take it off later.

But to save the world, I must keep it there forever! I must learn to eahrough my nose! I must learn to cook spaghetti with my feet as my fingerill be taped together to prevent me from ever revealing my secret througriting. Then, and only then, will the world be safe. It is my hope thance I have accomplished this task, I will still be able to open thindow, lift the computer and toss it to the pavement thirty floors below.
None of this information must survive.

I only wish that someone else could share this secret with me. If onlriting this meant someone else would learn of it. Until the time is safe,
though, if it is ever safe, this will be my one release. And if must bestroyed.

I must go now… soon… quickly… so… how was your weekend? Mine was fine.
Started a new book, hung out with myself, the usual really… what? Stalling!
I am NOT stalling. I’m… socializing. Come on, give me a break. You’re mean.
Oh fine… maybe I am stalling. But wouldn’t you? Would you want to just jumn the idea of taping your mouth shut forever and your hands closed foust as long? Would you skip to the closet and happily end youommunication for life? Ha. I didn’t think so.

But, I guess you’re right. I should move on with my plan. The governmenpies could be here at any moment. I must ensure that I cannot bow to theioul means of torture. I shall leave the computer now… I’m standing up… I’eally leaving now… promise…

What… the door is opening? Oh no! They’re here. I must get my point acrosuickly before they take me. Do not yield! My secret will have to be told,
but do not yield!! The evil ones will steal my information from me througorture or through reading this, but stand strong, my children. Stand str