Just something short I wrote for one of my best male friends in high school... It was a way to perhaps explain what I was feeling even while I didn't want to ruin the relationship.

Ideals (for lack of a better title)

I tell you so many things
Like today I found some wildflowers
And laid in the grass
Just so I could feel the wind.
All you hear is that today I killed some weeds
And laid in the dirt
When what I'm trying to say is that I love you.
I think sometimes I need you
Without you I would be in a room
Whose only mentionable features
Are padded walls and locked doors.
You're like my shrink.
You listen
But don't give advice.
So I guess you're apathy personified
Because to you
Listening is just something else to do.
We're both comfortable with that;
I know I don't complain.
Other times you're like a drug
To which I'm hopelessly addicted.
I crave you all the time....
I just can't get enough of you.
You make sure of that.
I wish I could swallow you whole
And take you down with me
Piece by piece.
It would be too easy.
You're everything I think I want
And nothing that I have.
You're my dream
But you're my poison
Dripping down to burn away the silver lining in my cloud.
You don't mean to be
It's just the way things are.
Maybe that's the way I want it.
And maybe....
Maybe it's not really you I love.
Maybe it's not you I need.
Because the ideal I've created you into
Is a labyrinth of contradictions
You could never live up to
Even if you tried.
It would disappoint me if you did.
I'd hate to have my ideal
Because then I wouldn't want it anymore.