I know in the song U + Me = Us

And I don't want to seem like I'm trying to fuss

But this stuff isn't your simple minus and plus

And gosh darn it – you can't candy coat calculus!

            The door.  The last door they would ever enter?  Would the entire adventure be in vain because the nemesi they had tried to defeat would come out on top?

            Lars, Mandé and Bunny each placed a single hand on the doorknob. With a nod, they pushed as one, breaking through what held the door closed. Splinters peeling around them, the girls had their first look at the antechamber that housed the TA, from which all boyz fueled themselves from.

            "That's IT?" asked Lars, with obvious disdain.

            The girls looked at the mousetrap in front of them.

            "Something seems amiss," commented Mandé.

            "That cannot be it," said Lars.  "It's a mother-loving mousetrap.  THIS is what all those guys were fueled by?"

            "No, not the mousetrap," said Bunny.

            "Well, what then?" asked Lars.

            "The cheese within the mousetrap!"

            And with that being said, the cheese began to swell.  It broke into chunks, and the chunks began to form into humanoid masses.  They grew arms, legs, fingers and toes.  Eyes defined themselves and offered venomous stares to the girls in front of them.  Hair grew and features developed into something shockingly familiar …

            "Hey, it's me?" asked Lars.

            "Dude, it's all of us," said Bunny.

            "What do you want to bet they're evil us-es?" asked Mandé.

            "You know I don't bet," said Bunny.

            "I only make bets that I can't lose from," said Mandé.

            "Yeah, that one with Vick-o was pretty funny," agreed Bunny.

            "Hey guys, maybe we should do something about the fact that these us-es have very dangerous-looking pointy things in their hands," said Lars.

            "Swords?" asked Mandé.

            "Not just any swords," said Bunny. "Katanas!"

            The cheese-girls whipped out their ancient Japan style weaponry.  "Prepare to be shish-kabobed," they chorused.

            Cheese Lars attacked first.

            She speared her sword point-blank at Lars.  However, at that very moment, Steve appeared in front of her, taking the katana to the heart.  "Well, that certainly solves that problem," commented Lars.

            But the Cheese Lars wasn't finished yet.  With a banshee yell not unlike Xena the Warrior Princess, she attacked again, this time whipping her faux cheese braids around.

            "Faux braids?  I do not use fake hair!" Lars slammed into her with a well-placed roundhouse kick.  This move set off the other cheese-baddies.  With similar battle cries, the battle began in full force.

            Mandé threw a wicked uppercut and Bunny backflipped over a cheese enemy (hey, I always wanted to backflip, what can I say?).  But they were little match for full length swords, and soon began to feel that the battle was not going to end in their favor.

            "This cannot be it!" panted Lars.

            "There must be some way to beat them, I mean come on, they're just cheese!" cried Mandé.

            "What's the enemy of cheese?" said Bunny.

            At that moment, a yell more like Tarzan filled the recycled air.  "What the?" asked Lars.

            All of their compadres were flocking into the room, riding giant mice!

            "I don't even want to know where they found those," sighed Lars.

            "Aiiiieeeeeeeee!" cried Miller.

            The Cheese trio began to scream as they were attacked by the giant mice.

            "You know, mice don't even like cheese that much," commented Mandé.

            "It was the best we could do on short notice," said Gen.

            "Weren't you getting married soon?" asked Bunny to Emerald.

            "Ah, well, Josh wasn't to keen on the idea of being the male equivalent of a mistress, so Hugh and I decided to cool it for a while," she replied.

            The gaggle of girls watched as the Cheese trio was devoured by the giant mice.

            "That was easy," said Mandé.

            "Almost too easy," said Bunny nervously.

            "Hey, what are we going to do with the giant mice now?" asked Lars.

            "Uh-oh," said Emerald.

            The mice began to join themselves together.  They began to mutate into one gelatinous mass.

            "This is pretty disgusting," said Smi.

            "I really think your writing skills have taken a downhill trip," said Pie.

            "Were they ever really decent to begin with?" commented Banana.

            "I'm insulted," said Bunny.

            "What are we going to do about this giant … thing in front of us?" asked Smecka.

            "Absolut, anyone?" asked Miller.

            "Perhaps if I had some ammonium hydroxide and a flashlight …" mumbled Gibbles.

            "Well, we'd better do something fast," said Smi.

            "Did somebody say weed?" asked Bunny.

            "It's not 4:20 yet," said Pie.

            "Umm, giant multi-mouse creature in front of us?" said Vick-o.

            "Bunny, where do you get this stuff?" asked Banana.

            "I wouldn't be too worried about the mouse-thing right now," said Mandé.

            "Why the hell not?" asked Gen.

            "Because the nemesi are behind it!"

            Pandemonium erupted as the blob and nemesi attacked simultaneously.

            "Ahh! My hair!" cried Miller.

            The mouse-blob began whipping it's tail around and firing hairballs out of its mouth.

            "Nasty," commented Vick-o.

            Gen fired at the beast with Romance Novel Alfalfa Breeding Power.  It roared in fury as it was then attacked by Miller's Hot Roller Power.

            "This is quickly turning into an episode of Power Rangers," said Pie.

            The thing continued to howl as it was nailed with Smi's Popcorn Brownie Bash and Banana's Forbidden Wedding Waster.

            Finishing it off were Smecka's Oliver Wood Story Smasher (ahem, and where is that story?), Floofoo's Leg Lamp Attack and Pie's Anti-Star Trek/Chid/Cool Homecoming Dress Explosion.

            "That was pretty cool," said Gen.

            Attacks continued to be whipped back and forth from the nemesi and femme fatale.  Gibbles fired her Harvard Chaos Beam, and Emerald tossed an exploding device into the midst of the fray.  But the nemesi seemed quite relentless.

            Vick-o used a Maverick Ray, and Robbie threw in his two cents with various paraphernalia from Priscilla's.  Mandé used a Club maneuver involving lipstick and a fuse bomb, and Lars used an Exclusively Lumberjack-Fabulous Weapon.

            "This isn't working," commented Vick-o.

            "No duh," said Banana.

            "What are we going to do? I'm too young to die," said Smi.

            "Too many guys left to do," said Floofoo.

            "There must be some way we can defeat them!" cried Mandé.  "I mean, otherwise, what's the point of this story?"

            "It never had a point!" shouted Banana.  The girls had to yelled as the air howled from the various attacks flying by.

            "Maybe it could be done if I had a pencil sharpener and some acid," said Gibbles.

            "Or an automatic rifle," said Emerald.

            "I'm sure Mark could save us," said Lars.

            "Bobbi too," said Smi.

            "Unfortunately, we don't have any of that," said Smecka.

            "This is so not cool," said Pie.

            "Wait!" cried Mandé.  "What about the foreshadowing?"

            "What?" asked Miller.

            "The foreshadowing from the first chapter!  You're right!" exclaimed Lars.

            "What?" asked Vick-o.

            "The foreshadowing!" insisted Mandé.

            "Explain?" asked Floofoo.


"We'll worry about it later," said Mandé, before continuing with her explanation.  "All three get their power from the great Testosteronus Androgynistus!"

            'Androgynistus?  As in-"

            "Shush, Bunny!  Don't spoil the ending!" exclaimed Mandé.

            "Whoops, sorry," said Bunny.

            During the course of this conversation, the boyz had managed to pull their ship in with a tractor beam.  It required much effort on the boyz's part, despite the fact that the awesome threesome had not even fired a shot.


            "That's right!  We have nothing to fear, guys!" exclaimed Bunny.

            "I still don't get it," said Vick-o.

            "We don't have to fear the nemesi!  They aren't actually boyz!  They're androgynous!"

            "Ooooooh," was chorused.  With renewed vigor, they attacked the … its. 

            Screaming, they all dissolved under the attacks, much to the delight of the girls.

            "We did it!" cried Smi.

            "We've defeated the enemy!" cried Emerald.

            "We couldn't have done it if we didn't work together," said Bunny.

            "I feel another pointy chin moment coming up," sighed Mandé.

            "Alas, my chin isn't pointy," said the midget riding the pogo stick.

            "You again?" asked Lars.

            "Hee hee hee hee hee!" he chuckled.  "You think now that the nemesi are gone, you're battles are over? That was merely my decoy to tire you out!" With another insane laugh, he summoned his powers, and with a great burst of energy, blew the girls backwards into a portal.  "I will separate you all into different colleges.  Separate you will never defeat me, and I shall hunt you one by one!"

            "That's one spiteful little midget," commented Miller.

            "Spiteful, but wrong," said Lars.

            "College will never separate us!" cried Mandé.

            "Yeah, you wait until we get you back, you short little bastard!" cried Gen.

            "Yeah! This only leaves room for a sequel!" cried Bunny.

            "The college space quest," laughed Smi.

            "Good times," said Gibbles.

            "Oh yeah.  Just wait until we meet again midget!" laughed Vick-o, as they continued to hurtle through space, back down to Earth.

            With a last burst of combined magic, and a vow that no midget could keep THEM apart, our beautiful, epic, long, strange, twisted, odd, and hopefully, damn good story comes to an end. Finally!  TO BE CONTINUED?!?!?!?!?!? MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

YOU ALL HAD BETTER HAVE ENJOYED THIS! AND IF I DON'T GET A REVIEW FROM EVERY ONE OF YOU, I PERSONALLY INTEND TO HUNT YOU DOWN! Just kidding, but please, after every moment of insanity, surely you have some comment?  Cheers and good luck to all.  But not goodbye, because I fully intend to hear from each and every one of you very, very often. J

Peace out.


© 2002