The Legend of...THE MAN IN THE LAVENDER PANTS!
(Dun Dun DDDDUUUUNNNNN)

A stoutly Fat man that has to carry his huge beer and pork rined filled stomach in a wheelbarrow, walked into a bar. This wasn't your normal scum filled bar of scum scum scummy-type-ness, oooooooohhhhhhhh no this was a bar filled with scum, yep the bad kind.....not the good kind with little gum drops around it and frosting just like the kind my mommy makes me with the little sprinkles......sigh..... uumm NO! this was the kind that every anti-scum man fears THE KIND OF SCUM THAT CAN BRING A SMALL FRAIL BABY THAT LIKES TO FALL TO ITS KNEES AND CRY ALLOT, FALL TO HIS KNEES AND CRY. Any way this bar was bad with all sorts of bad type men. Manly men that when their one beach kick sand in the 98 pound weaklings face. AAANNNYYY way the HUGE fat man walked in and said in his grungy voice that obviously showed that he liked to smoke ( Smokey the Bear Says :DON'T SMOKE KIDS IT ARE NOT GOOD FOR OO) he said "ARR MATES THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO....ROUND....AND.....UMM......ROUND AAARRRGGGGHHHHH" and then in a violent seizure-ish manner he collapsed on the ground one pirate said "ARRGH THE OLD MAN POOPIED HIS PANTS WHEN HE DIED....AND IT STINKS TO BEAT HELL OH GOD ARRGH." a doctor pirate showed up and said " Odd this man died of.....NATURAL CAUSES!.....oh umm AAARRRGGGGHHHHH" on old voice from the corner spoke out " I know what Killed him" "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU NEVER BUY ANYTHING AND WHEN I KICK YOU OUT YOU SCRATCH THE DOOR AND GO MMMMAARRRROOOWWWW UNTIL OUT OF PURE MADNESS I LET YOU IN" exclaimed the barkeep "As I were saying taws the MAN IN THE LAVENDER PANTS THAT KILLED HIM" said the old timer "OH no he died of natural causes he was probably..." "SHUT UP YE DOCTOR...WHAT DO DOCTORS KNOW ANYWAY MY DOCTOR SAID THAT I HAVE TONGUE CANCER AND THAT I WOULD BREAK OUT IN MAD MUMBLING PHLARGH MARGHIN POPINHOOGIN HAGNARFOODAP.....ANY WAY......the man died from POHIPGHIN HAEGHN FIZZZ.....and that's what killed him Ill state that again for no apparent reason....he died from over-exposure to THE MAN IN THE LAVENDER PANTS.....legend goes that there was a waiter that worked at a bar vvveeeeerrrrryyyyyyyy much like this one and anyway he was....umm....well.....lets just say he liked apples instead of oranges." "what?" inquired a man sitting at the bar. The old man explained "HE was umm.........'Super' you could say" "what do you mean" the man said again. "well ya know....he liked to pick cherries by 2.....ya know flew with the lesbian seagull....umm let me put this simply....when the rest of the boys go to the Burlesque house he goes home to hiiissssss friend who is a boy.....THAT he lives with...." said the old man slowly "OOOOHHHHHH......eeeewww" said the man sitting at the bar " yea...anyway he gets off his shift right and leaves and goes out the door and earlier that day he put to many peanuts in a man they call...Big Nasty Man Who Likes His Peanuts Evenly Distributed or HE will be Mad and so he and TMITLP got in a BAAADDD fight and the TMITLP Kicked the other guys ass because TMITLP was a wrestling Champ in High School But afterwards he had an accident at his house he fell down some stairs in a garbage bag fell on some bullets and landed, cut 7 ways into little tiny pieces and Rolled 7 blocks away and fell into the harbor on top on some wet cement... the police said it was a tragic accident."
" Anyway, this guy big nasty man who likes his peanuts evenly distributed was (Writer Dialogue here)....ummmm....MOTHER FUCKER IS THERE NO SUBSTANCE TO THIS STORY I MEAN WHERE DOES IT END WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA............pant......pant......pant........wwwwweeeeeeeee.....sorry about that kids I guess I'm not very funny any more so I'm gonna introduce a new character..... Kids this is Satan, HELLO KIDS FROM NOW ON IM GOING TO NARRATE THE STORY WHEN EVER YOU SEE ITALICIZED WRITING THAT'S ME.......SOOOO HERE GOES, (end writer dialogue) SOOO THE MITLP WAS CAST INTO THE FIERY PIT OF HELL WHERE DEMONS POKED OUT HIS EYES AND CUT OFF HIS PEE-PEE AND I HAD IT SENT TO AL GORE, NOTE: I GOT HIM THE PRESIDENCY.....HEHEHEHEHEHE ......IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !
So then Satan and Unico, the happy Unicorn, who liked corn, went to the Dancing contest and won first prize and got married and gave birth to the Antichrist, who just happened to have the hobby of being anti Jeusus (Jeusus, help me, I can't spell your name right and I too lazy to use Spell check. Please don't send me to hell. I love you! .....Teehee, he feel for it!) And so, the Antichrist, who name was Dumpling, even though he was a boy, was angry because the he was in love with this one boy at school but he was too embarrassed to tell him and at X-mas he gave him a plate of Cookies but ran like the wind before the boy could even say thank you. HAVE PITY ON DUMPLING! FOR HE SHALL BECOME, THE MAN IN THE LAVENDER PANTS! Indeedydoody! Yay!
THE END!