Where Jasper's Cell Phone Inexplicably Rings

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"Thanks." Aleksy signed the mail-release form and took the huge package from the postman, shutting the door with one foot. He walked over to the table, trying to see to walk around the package in his arms, then set the giant box down, unsure of quite what to do. What was it? A mail bomb? Poisonous gas? A deadly disease? Who even knew they were staying at this particular hotel?

Well, If I die, I die.

Aleksy climbed up on a chair to slit the tape with a kitchen knife and peered within.

It was…

The redhead pulled off the top layer of packing.

It was…

He pulled out a layer of bubble wrap.

It was…

More packing material joined the pile on the table.

It was…

A wad of foam bounced on top of the pile where Aleksy had tossed it, then slid to the floor.

It was…


Aleksy pulled a long black jacket out of the box, recognizing it instantly as the one Jasper had been wearing when they first met.

Katriana! Of course. She sent us our clothes back! Well, Jasper's clothes, anyway.

Then he gasped in alarm, throwing the coat across the room as it suddenly started vibrating.

"The hell???" Aleksy squinted at the coat, which was now lying innocently on the kitchen counter. Unmoving.

He jumped off the chair, then walked cautiously towards it, reaching out to touch it…and it vibrated again. He jerked his hand back.

Then, in a leap of faith, he grabbed the jacket and sprinted to the bathroom where Jasper was drying his hair (an hour's worth of activity).



"Your coat's vibrating."


"Your coat's vibrating." Aleksy repeated, stepping in the door and holding the offending article of clothing at arm's length.

Jasper was bent over the sink, holding the poor, overworked hotel dryer to his dripping hair. "Hey! How'd you get that?"

"Katriana sent all our clothes back…aaah!!!" Aleksy dropped the coat as it vibrated again.

"You git…" Jasper picked up the coat and reached into an inside pocket. "…It's just my cell phone."

"Oh…oh." Aleksy blushed and leaned against the doorframe, tapping his foot repeatedly.

"Hello?" Jasper held the small silver phone to his ear.

"JASPER KAVEH, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, YOU LITTLE RAT-BASTARD?!?!?!?!" Jasper held the phone away from his ear, blanching at the yell/shriek that Aleksy could hear even standing in the door. The redhead immediately stopped tapping his foot in shock.

"J-Jessamine, ah, hi…?"

"Where the FUCK have you been? I needed you on another assignment! Everyone else was out, so I had to forfeit the job! Do you know how much money that cost me? Huh? I've been trying to call you for three days, Kaveh, three fucking days!!!"

"I've been working on the job for Kansbar!" Jasper said defensively.

Jessamine growled in frustration. "Kansbar called the whole thing off, didn't you hear, you enormous prat??? He caught some other guy in bed with his sons. Regular nymphos, those two. But I'd still rather employ them any day instead of you!"

"Oh. Oh."

"So get back here! I need you to go on another assignment!"

Suddenly Jasper grinned. "No."


"No. No, Jessamine, because I quit. I quit." He calmly pulled the phone away from his ear, and Aleksy could hear more shrieks of anger coming from the other end before Jasper snapped it shut.

The redhead looked stunned. Jasper was grinning ear-to-ear. "That's it! The job's been canceled. They're not trying to kill you anymore!"

"Really?" Aleksy looked even more stunned.

Then a thoughtful look came over Jasper's face. "So that's it then?"

"That's what?"

"That's it for our adventure? I mean, I was kind of envisioning a huge shoot-out at the end, you know? Some sort of confrontation?"

Aleksy came over and wrapped his arms around his lover. "Yeah, well, we don't have to run anymore," the redhead said contently. "And you know what that means…"

"But…but…the fates are so boring! If there is some force behind everything that happens, it doesn't have a very good sense of climax or conclusion, does it?"

"Hmm." Silence reigned for a moment. "Well, I'm going to need some sense of climax in a bit, here…"

Jasper chuckled, but didn't stop trailing the fingers of one hand up and down the redhead's back. "It just kind of seems like a let down, for adventure's sake."

"Hmm." Aleksy snuggled closer, letting his arms go around the taller man's waist. "Don't worry, lovely, we'll find something exciting to do. Because, you know, life's just not complete without an adventure."

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End Part 9…The End?

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Akira: (cheers) Yay!!!!! I'm dooooooooone with it!!!! I finished an original chaptered story!!!! This is history, people, history! I feel exhilerated! Also a little out of it! But that's ok, because I'M FINISHED WITH THE STORY!!!!! (cheers loudly, waving a banner that says "I'm FINISHED!!!" in hiragana)

Aleksy: We're proud of you, Aki-chan. Very proud. (glances at Jasper)

Jasper: Yes. Proud. Indeed. (looks warily at Aleksy)

Akira: (jumps around, then starts bouncing higher and higher until she hits her head on the ceiling) Wheee!!! Wheeeeee!!! Wheeeeeeeee!!! OWWW!!!

Aleksy: (backs away) OK, Aki, we're going to go now…

Jasper: Yeah, I hear there's some weird thing going on in Egypt. You know, curses, mummies, mysterious chambers in the hearts of pyramids…

Aleksy: Hey, did you ever hear about that weird occult guy that spend his wedding night in one of the pyramids?

Jasper: Hmmmm…Sounds like quite a bit of fun…

Akira: (dazedly waves the banner from half-unconscious position on the floor) Don't…go…anywhere…without…me…ooooh, pretty stars…spork! (collapses)

Aleksy: Here, I have some emergency plane tickets right here. Um, yeah. (hands one to Jasper)

Jasper: (takes it) Thanks, love.

Aleksy: I nearly forgot! Akira-chan never said her message to the public.

Jasper: (with a wtf expression) Message to the public?

Aleksy: You know, like "Sailor Moon Says" except without the skinny girls in impossibly short skirts. And without the weird cats and spooky bad Negaverse people.

Jasper: You watched Cartoon Network all day while I was on jury duty, didn't you?

Aleksy: (looks around furtively) No. Absolutely not.

Akira: (stands up suddenly, perking up but still looking slightly dazed) Kyah!!! Welcome to "Akira Says". I would like to say a few words. And they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

Aleksy: Oh, for crying out loud, no one's going to catch that Harry Potter reference…

Jasper: How'd you know it was a Harry Potter reference?

Aleksy: Er…(suddenly glomps Jasper)

Akira: (holds one finger up in the air) Well, I hope you enjoyed the story! I know I had fun writing it, and I guess that's all that matters. (grins ear-to-ear) Don't forget to R&R! Actually, it doesn't matter all that much to me, since I'm notoriously bad about reviewing things, but hey! Don't follow my example, my friends! (winks)