What is This?

Is it you?
do you want to say something.
I do.
It's been awhile,
but girl I love you.

Can I take it,
can I take this beating,
of my own insituation.
I am here, I am now.
Not tommorrow, but in this moment,
I will find it.

I have searched, I have waited.
I have seen things pass,
to never come back.
But with you?

I have starved myself,
of this world for to long.
A dream had filled my thoughts, for long.
But now she is gone.

She was there, but now you are here.
You will never really know,
because I never really new.
It has been scraped away and
now I have you.

You are here, and I am here.
How understanding? To much so.
I must turn my head around,
and stab my pain.
I am not good enough,
never was.
Just a lie, you thought was real.
I am selfish,
and you are yourself.
This hurts me so badly,
that I have figured it out.

You never asked for anything,
but I could never answer.
I am the waste side,
and you are still yourself.
Find your knight, and live your life.
Not caring, not remembering,
that I never loved "you".

I don't even know what this means. I had this girl,
she was everything I felt, she was my emotion. She
was the one I dreamed about, not of sex, just totally
there, with her lying in my arms. Her body with
just enough light on her back to reflect. I held her
and I was content, I was at peace. I could'nt tell
her this, I could'nt let her see it in my eyes.
I woke up one day, and she was totally gone from me.
I never had the guts to open up to her, I never had
the guts to make it mean something. Now it becomes
ironic, to much for me to handle. There was another
girl who liked, but I never gave her chance. Flirting,
ya, but never substance. And now even she is out of
reach, gone. I thought about asking her out today,
about bringing her back. I have realized tonight. I
would just. If she said yes, I would have no love
to give her. I would never give my soul to her. There
is nothing I would do that would be more wrong to her.