People who think the end has come
all who practice law
those who like tatooing themselves,
You belong in California

People who like to get divorced
all who have blonde hair
those who like to be freaking nudists,
You belong in California

People who make up their own words
and dances to go with them
who like to look at teachers' bras,
You belong in California

People who think they are Jesus Christ
or some other diety
who invite people to worship them,
You belong in California

People who talk in theaters
and bring their cell phones, too
who hold conference calls during Toy Story 2,
You belong in California

People who think the road is theirs
that cut you off in traffic
and shove their way into funeral processions,
You belong in California

People who search for someone to talk to
that corner you in closets
who think that you haven't anything else to do,
You belong in California

And since all those people are in California
weighing the country down
Maybe the state will break in two,
leaving all you alone.