Today things were not the same as they used to be. You were missing from my life. You left me only days before and I have moved on but you have not. For this I feel sorry. I saw you today, Valentine's day, and you were happy. You wished me a happy Valentine's day, but it wasn't the same as if it were you telling me you loved me on Valentine's day. I try to love him, but he is not you, and I cannot love him, just because he's not you. That bothers me.

He may run his fingers across mine and my stomach in the same fashion you did, but his touch just isn't yours. His kisses aren't half as good as yours either. To much... and not enough love in them, the way you kissed. he always has his hands were yours respectfully stayed away from. I know he does it in all the good intentions, but it still doesn't make him you. He'll never be you. No one ever will.

Talking to my close friend John online he tells me how his girlfriend dumped him a week ago, but he's charming her back to him. He'll get her back. Will I get you back? I hope. You don't seem to understand how much it hurts to see you as only a friend and not as my lover, 'cause dammit, I loved you, and hell baby, I still do.

I've heard from my "inside sources" that you still love me and want me back, so today, Valentine's day, I bring you a baggy with candy hearts with all my favorite sayings on them and a note inside the bag for you. The note explains what I've heard and how I don't believe it but... I leave out the part about wanting to, because you should be able to tell on your own. Your very observant. And I love that about you. In fact I love everything about you. Ok, so you've done a lot that I'm not too impressed with, but that's ok, as long as you love me.

The problem is that you're an intimidating person. Your past scars me and you don't know that. But if you ever read this then you will, but till then, intimidating or not, I love you and you may not see it.

As I type this, remembering all the good times we spent together on the verge of tears, I listen to Everclear, I Will Buy You A New Life. It makes me think of you and everything I'd do to win your heart back. God you don't understand how much I miss you. It's so hard... And you just don't understand... God I love you.

~Dedicated to Jeff, with love, Courtney~