Rhiannon Roxane

I want the world to know
How wonderful you are.
How loving and giving.

Only one short month
We held you in our arms
You stroked our cheek
With your little hands
You snuggled against my chest
And imbued my very soul
With a warmth and joy
Beyond all experience.

Your patience, absolute trust and uncomplaining nature
Were an example to us all.
Though so young
You smiled and laughed frequently
A small, secret feminine smile
On a red cupid's bow mouth.
(She'll break hearts someday, we all said.
And we were right, but not in the way we meant it.
You are gone, and so many hearts are broken today.)

And often you laughed...
A silent baby laugh
Mouth open in surprise and delight
When kissed under the chin.

You were always listening, always aware
Even when you looked to be asleep.

When called Sweetie or Darling
You understood, and your beautiful smile
Lit up the room, even with your eyes closed.

Your voice followed me always,
Baby sounds to greet me whenever I stirred from bed
Or came into the room.
Your eyes looked down with love and wonderment
On your father as he slept.

Rosy Rhiannon, I called you.
The softest, silkiest, rosiest cheeks in the world.
I could not kiss you enough, were it a thousand times.

Ree-Rox, your daddy called you.
When he came home
He was never too tired to hold you
Whatever shift he had been working, night or day.

How my body aches to hold you
Just one more time.
How my mind aches to hear those little sounds you made;
Even the sounds of your breathing or sighs
Just one more time
Just for one more day.

So easy to love you were, and so loving.
The kind of baby every mother hopes for (and seldom gets).
Quiet, contented, never anxious without a real reason;
You hardly ever cried, until you were sure you were being
And you stopped crying instantly if only I said,
"I'm going to feed you in a minute."

Utterly trusting, patient and intelligent, and so undemanding.
I loved you for that, yet I worried,
"Will the world always reward her trust and faith?
And am I a good enough mother to deserve you?"
"Will I get tired and lazy and selfish
About caring for you
Because I know you will not cry?"

I needn't have worried.
You inspired love in everyone who met you.
From the first to the last moment of breath,
You gave and received love.

You began your life in your father's arms.
The next day you were in your adoring big sister's arms,
As she read nursery rhymes or sang lullabies to you in her sweet

You made it clear you wanted to be with people, always,
So you were almost never in your high-tech crib with the nursery
And the automatic light that came on.

You were always in someone's arms, day and night,
Or perched on our shoulder
Clinging like a little koala bear
(You could do that because you were so tiny.)

Sometimes lying between Brian and me in our bed.
Or wrapped snug in a quilt in a laundry basket
At our feet or at the foot of the bed.

That basket came everywhere!
Upstairs, downstairs, in Myrna's room to play with her--
Even into the bathroom; all three of us took you with us in that

And when your Daddy and I went out,
You always came, though you were so young....

Rhiannon, your whole life
You were never more than a heartbeat away
From me, Brian or Myrna.

And as you began your life in your father's arms
You ended it in your mother's arms, not alone in a crib.

I'm sorry, Rhiannon.
Your life was ebbing away
When I thought you were drifting into peaceful sleep
Your dear blood spilled on me as I, all unknowingly,
Kissed and stroked your dear little head.
I was literally in the dark.
When I switched on the light,
It was already too late.

I'm sorry, darling.
Your mother wasn't fast enough to save your life
And neither were the paramedics.

I begged God not to take my baby from me
But you had already gone....
You were in someone else's arms, up in heaven
And now I must trust in Him, the Lord
To keep you and love you
Until the day I come
Just as you had absolute faith and trust in me.

But there is no sadness in this short life,
From her first breath to her last;
Only joy.

To hold my little Rhiannon
Only to look at her
Was to know joy, warmth, love.
The only sadness is that she has left us.

I do not know what she would have become
And that is my heartbreak.
But I know what she was...
An angel.

I love you so much, Rhiannon, and I will love you forever.

Your Mummy,


* * *

This eulogy was written the night of March 6th, 1997, two short days after
I lost my sweet Rhiannon Roxane. I read it at the cemetery. It will be
five years ago in only a few days.

Now I have little Madoka Marietta Rosalie, aged 3, who is so much
like Rhiannon, that ofetn, I wonder if she might have been re-born.

But of course, they are sisters, whether one believes in
reincarnation or not. I give thanks for the love little Rhiannon
gave to everyone who knew her, and for that short chance we had, to love her.

I give thanks for the chance to love a little girl again, my Madoka, and to watch
her grow and thrive. It is a new beginning, for all of us.

Here's to new beginnings, and the courage to try again.

Pandora Diane MacMillan (formerly Waldron), February 24, 2002.