'Twas the Eve of All Hallows
A Halloween parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the Eve of All Hallows, when all through the house,
Not a guest was stirring while I hung up the spouse,
My partner was hung by the front door with care,
In hopes that the kiddies would soon get a scare,

Some children were fairies, yet others, undead,
While visions of candy corn danced through their heads,
I in my costume, mamma…. Hanging 'round,
Skeletons aplenty, await to be found,

When out on the lawn I head such a howl,
With an eerie green mist and a stench that was foul,
Away from my coffin, I flew like a flash,
Pushed open the window, which fell with a crash,

The moon on the graves of those down below,
Combined with the mist, gave a wondrous glow,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a troupe of old fiends, which is something to fear,

With a little old freak, so putrid and sick,
I knew in a moment, to get away quick,
More rapid than demon companions they came,
They were shrieking and cackling while he called them by name,

"Now Frankie, Now Mummy, now Wolf-Man, and Vampire,
On Kruger, on Vorhees, on Lecter and Myers,
With fangs and claws and weapons galore,
Now hack away! Slash away! Makes lots of gore!"

Now, children and parents, they scattered like flies,
Or stood around gaping, not believing their eyes,
The monsters went running, like bats out of hell,
Appendages swing, then body parts fell,

After a moment of watching in fright,
I slowly retreated, away from the night,
As I drew out my pistol, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Wolf-Man came with a bound,

He was covered in fur, from head to his foot,
His coat was all tarnished with bloodstains and soot,
A mouthful of fangs, and handfuls of claws,
He was a terrible thing, from ears to his paws,

His eyes - how they narrowed, which proved to be scary,
He leapt at me hoping his claws he would bury,
The pistol was fired, the bullets, not lead,
But silver, which means the Wolf-Man is dead,

Another fiend followed, I fired again,
A shot to the forehead, the Cannibal slain,
I unwrapped the Mummy, who's a pile of dust,
So is the Vampire, who I staked with a thrust,

I turned Jason on Freddie, who each hacked away,
(They made a movie of that you say?)
With a blink of the eyes, and a twist of the neck,
I left Michael Myers like a heaping wreck,

Frank spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
And tore down my house, then left like a jerk,
The freak gave the finger, then stuck up his nose,
Then fell victim to a few of my blows,

He fled from the rubble, to his team gave a shout,
But they were too dead to even help out,
But I heard him exclaim as he ran out of sight,
"Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good fright."