Please review. I wrote this for a creative writing class and I would really like some feedback. Thanks.



It was so cold

The day the world stood still

Time stopped for a moment

And minds tried to kill



Reality ceased

The day the turning stopped

I watched in horror

As the illusion popped



The vision dissappeared

The day hope layed down and died

Along with the world

And I know no one tried



My mind stopped thinking

The day we ceased to exist

I looked on in awe

As no one tried to resist



--Radical Chic