Trinity ran into her room and slammed the door. Ugh! Who invented all of these stupid emotions!? She thought. She ran over to her dresser and frantically threw the contents around until she found her knife. As soon as she drew it across her wrist and made the first cut she could feel the bad feelings flow out of her. Soon Trinity felt calmness overtake her when she made a few more cuts. Ah! Peace at last. She thought. Now I can go on with my day.
"Trinity! Come down here!" Her mom yelled up to her.
"Ok mother!" Trinity shouted back. She is so annoying. She thinks she knows everything about me and she doesn't. Right now she is ruining my peaceful moment! With that thought she put her knife away and covered up her wrist. I'll clean them later. Trinity walked slowly out of her room and trudged down the stairs.
"What do you want?" She asked with disdain in her voice when she got to her mother.
"Why do you have to be so mean all the time?" Her mother asked with pain in her voice.
"Well why do you insist on making me come down here for stupid family time?" Trinity shot back at her.
"Because you are a part of this family and we love you." Her mom said.
"Well I don't really care what you think or feel and I hate this stupid family!" Trinity shouted before running back up to her room.
"Trinity! Come back here!" Her mom yelled after her. The sound of the door slamming was her only answer.
Once Trinity got to her room she grabbed her knife and turned up her CD player so that you could hear Staind blaring all over the house. Then she started to ease her frustrations by carving up her legs. She made many deep gashes all over both legs. They crossed over old scars and healing wounds. She finally stopped when the blood came forth to cleanse her of all evil. The blood was a beautiful red color. After she had started this it had soon become her favorite color. She loved the way it looked streaming down her legs. The way it made little rivers and pools. She thought it was one of the most gorgeous things she had ever seen, Now she was clean both inside and out. She could calmly go on with her life now. Well at least until the next time.
The next day at school Trinity was nervous about her big history test that was coming up right before lunch. Oh man. I am going to do so bad on this. She thought as she walked into the room dreading what was coming. Man! I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't think it would be this hard. Just when Trinity thought that her brain would explode the bell finally rang.
"Hey Trinity! Whats wrong?" Her friend Reagan asked.
"Oh nothing except for that I just totally failed that test." Trinity said trying to not get upset about it.
"Oh whatever! I'm sure you'll do fine. You always do. Your perfect at everything." Reagan said.
"Sure whatever." Trinity said before quickly walking away. I can't believe I just did so badly. That is not okay. Its not acceptable!! I have to be punished for this. She then walked into the bathroom and pulled out her spare knife. She cut and cut until she felt that she had been sufficiently punished for her failure. After she was done she went back out and joined her friends. She just couldn't get passed her failures. So while sitting there she continuously scratched over her new cuts with her nails. Trinity felt like she was going to start crying. She knew she had to get out of there. She got up to leave but her friend grabbed her wrist to pull her back. When her Reagan saw the look of pain flicker across Trinity's face she pulled up her sleeve. As soon as Trinity saw the look of shock and disbelief on Reagan's face she ran out of the room. Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!! Reagan knows! She knows!! What am I gonna do? The rest of that day Trinity tried to ignore Reagan. But at the end of the day Reagan came up to her.
"Why the heck are you doing this?" She asked.
"Thats none of your business." Trinity said trying to ignore what was going on.
"I'm going to have to tell your mom. Those cuts were really really bad." Reagan said praying that Trinity wouldn't get to mad at her.
"What!? How could you do that to me? I thought you were my friend." Trinity yelled at her former best friend.
" I care about you. Thats why I have to do this." Reagan yelled back.
"Whatever!!" Trinity yelled before turning and walking away. I can't believe that this is happening. I can't let it happen. I can't deal with this. I won't deal with this. I have to end it. It's the only way. I'm sick of my family who only really cares about me when I screw up, I'm sick of friends who only pretend to care about you, and I'm sick of this stupid life in general. All of this acting to make it through the day is getting to be to much. I just can't do it anymore. This stupid, fake smile is now only pasted on. I have to get home. I have to do this and do this soon.
Two weeks later Trinity was ready to end it all. Reagan had told her parents. They never really said anything to her about it. Just brushed it off. They had to think that there was nothing wrong with their perfect little daughter. Course it would become a problem if it tarnished their perfect image. Things were always like that. The time was coming. It would be soon now.
Now here it was. The eve of the big day. Trinity smiled to everyone and tried to take everything in so that she could remember everything that she wouldn't be missing. That night she barely slept. The next day she barely talked or made any type of social interaction. She was preparing herself. She was getting angry. Angry with life but soon it would be over.
I hate this! I hate this stupid world! Everything sucks and nobody really cares about anyone but themselves! The pain and blood isn't enough anymore. I need more. I need the ultimate punishment. I need the ultimate end. I'm through with this! After that Trinity sat down and wrote a poem. It was her good-bye to the world.
Down and down I fall
Please just let me die
All I need is a knife
A few well placed cuts
And I can tell the world good-bye
One cut now stands out on my wrist
The blood streams down my wrist and arm
It drips onto the bed
Forming a pool
The shining metal is mesmerizing
I can't take my eyes off of it
And the blood
The blood is so warm
I want more
Now it is time for the other wrist
As the blood seeps out
And flows down my arm
It forms another pool
Soon the two pools merge into one
It seems as though blood is all around me
On my bed, my clothes, and on me
So beautiful and enchanting
I lay down and close my eyes
And with that I surrender
And let the darkness engulf me
This is it. This is good-bye. Trinity looked around her room one last time. She loved this room. It was her strong, silent, stone fortress, It protected her from the world. But it could not protect her from herself. As she looked around her eyes lingered on her stuffed animals, her CDs, her pictures. She wondered where things had gone wrong and how she had ended up here as she gazed at pictures of friends and family.
"Good-bye everyone. I love you. I'm sorry for this. I'm sorry for everything." Trinity whispered to her dark, silent room.
She laid down on her bed. She slowly brought the knife up and over to her wrist. One quick movement and the blood came pouring forth. Sighing with relief she slit the other one. Trinity laid the knife next to her, closed her eyes, drifted out of conscience, and never woke up again.