This Time

when my heart breaks
i die a little
i hide a little
i wonder why
i even try a little

i knew the score
when i played the game
thought i could keep
my heart safe
thought i could keep
it all together
this time

i knew i'd see him
knew he wouldn't be a stranger long
and i went about my day
waiting for the other shoe to drop
then there he was
in his flashy car
with his flashy smile

and i let myself go
let myself believe
let myself think i could handle him
that i knew him so much better
this time

i bought my own lie
swallowed it whole
gulped it down with a glass of water
and a measure of hope
and i was right
while i was wrong

i did know him
knew him so much better
but i couldn't handle it
couldn't let go
cause he'll always know the score
so much better than me
always play me with a hidden strategy

keep me close for a moment
whisper in my ear
hold me tight
in the dark of the night
and shove me away again
when we might actually fit
when things might feel right

so he shifts away
i watch him fade
his voice just a little less
his touches fewer
till he's just a shadow
inconstant and fleeting
just enough of him left
to watch my heart break
to make sure i die a little