Losing control over myself

My world is crashing down

Becoming the pile of shit I always feared it would.

The darkness that lingered in the back of my mind

Became overbearing in that one

moment I let my guard down.

I was suddenly drowning in self-doubt

And hatred towards myself

What can I gain control over?

Certainly not my life.

I’m helpless. Hopeless. Worthless. Useless…

Stress causes me to lose my appetite

And unwillingly purge

Whatever I manage to slide down my throat

Fear causes me to withdraw from human contact

And dread all those moments

I have to be near civilization.

Fatigue causes me to become a lifeless void

Who appears as if she has no soul.

Insomnia results in me lying

On my bed for hours on end

Leaving me to my own horrible devices

Nightmares plague every second of sleep

I manage to scavenge

In the end, leaving me praying

That I don’t ever have to sleep again