A/N: Before you read, know that this is an ALTERNATE ENDING to Eyeless. It is not related to chapter 38 in the least, like any alternate ending, it's simply another Epilogue. So, before you read, know that this is not associated with chapter 38 at all, but to the rest of the chapters before it. It's a lot shorter than the other ending, but tell me which one you enjoyed better. Thank you all!

Epilogue: All Over Me

Standing in front of the mirror, I wondered where I had gone. I brushed my fingers over my wavy copper hair that fell over my shoulders onto the black fabric of my dress. I turned to the side, looking over myself through my swollen eyes and nodded my head.

It's hard to face reality. Its stinging slap was still fresh on my hot cheek, but I had to accept it. What's done is done, I tried to explain to myself, knowing that there was nothing I could do to change the past. In a way, I didn't want to change the past. The good and the bad – it all had to be there. I wouldn't be the same girl standing in front of the mirror if things hadn't gone the way they had.

I slipped my feet into my shoes. I had never worn those shoes before, and after that day, I knew I would never wear them again, hoping that there wouldn't be a reason to, anyway. I bent over and buckled the straps before I grabbed my coat. She said she would pick me up at four and it was a quarter 'til. I didn't want to go, but I knew I had to, even if I had already said good bye.

My father was downstairs and set the newspaper on his lap when he saw me. He was dressed in his business suit and a cup of coffee was at the table beside me. I had cried a million tears since the night that I was left behind and my father tried his best to make me happy again, but it wasn't working. In fact, at times he would just make things worse. I told him, straight up, that I just needed to be alone, and he gave me my space. It was amazing how understanding he was, but I guess he understood what I was going through…he had lost someone too.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" he asked, standing up. Softly, I shook my head.

"Tonya's coming to pick me up in a couple minutes anyway," I said in a soft-spoken voice. Even after a week, just the sheer thought of him made me break down in tears, knowing that he was gone. Everything we ever did together, we would never be able to do it again, and it stung. I don't know if I would be able to express it in ways you can understand, but inside, no one really understood. No one really understood but me and sometimes I was left in the dark.

"Are you coming home tonight?" he asked again, sorrow in his eyes. Sorrow in his eyes for me.

"Yeah, I'll be home," I said, trying to force a stubborn smile that wouldn't come. I hated being gloomy, but Becky, my therapist, said it would take time. I had been seeing her all week, all week since he died, and she was understanding to me. She didn't understand me, but she claimed she understood the situation and told me that if I had to, I could cry. I didn't dare hold back once she gave me the opportunity to let my guard down, take my mask off, and cry. Sometimes, you need to cry. All that pressure building up in your mind, up your throat from you lungs and strangling your heart and pricking your eyes…it's a relief to cry.

He picked up the newspaper again, eyeing me for only a second before his eyes averted back to the black ink on the dull gray paper. I walked into the living room and sat down in an old rocking chair as I gazed out of the window, waiting for Tonya to come. She was stronger than I was, but I had seen her cry too. I guess that was a relief for me too, to know that she was real. I rolled my toes on the carpet and the chair tipped back and then rocked forward, and rocked back again until it lost all momentum and I sat still again. I pushed the chair back and rocked slowly until I saw her car pull up the driveway. My body felt heavy, weighing me down as I tried to stand up. In some sense, this was the moment of truth.

Up until that point, everything seemed so surreal.

I hadn't remembered experiencing my mother's death. I guess, in a sense, I was too young; only comprehending the fact that mommy wasn't going to come home anymore. I didn't take it very well, and I probably made it harder on my father, constantly asking when mommy would be coming home, only to hear that she wasn't. I was being stubborn. Time and time again he would say that she had gone away, but I was so sure that she would come back – she couldn't leave me. I didn't think Tyler would leave me either…but he had.

I walked out of the house and to Tonya's car. I sat down in the passenger's seat and she started to pull out of the driveway. She was wearing the same black attire – so stereotypical of a funeral. She looked so morbid suddenly, like she was going to shoot up her school, or shoot herself. I didn't really know what to say.

"How are you?" she finally spoke, her voice sounding strong. I had been peering out of the window, watching the world as it passed me by.

"I'm okay," I replied meekly. I saw Tonya's head nod out of the corner of my peripheral vision, but she didn't speak. "How are you?"

"I'll be okay," she said, and I looked at her and her smile. "It just doesn't seem real, you know?"

"I do," I said with a small nod. I looked down at my lap at my sweaty hands sitting on legs draped with the dark dress. I had secluded myself from the world after I watched him die, die right there in that hospital room that night, but the call from Tonya was actually a welcome, even if it was about his funeral. She said that she wanted me to come and that we needed to talk. I had seen her the morning after, watched her crumble in tears in her father's protective arms, me feeling so out of place as the family grieved. For a moment that morning, I wondered why they were so shocked, they must have known that he was going to die, but I guess that no one takes death well…

Death is so permanent…he would never be coming back. That was when I cried. I knew that he was gone, gone forever. That I would never see him smile, never hear him laugh, never watch him cry, never feel his touch, never kiss his lips, never again would I hear his voice. That voice that brought such comfort to my then fucked-up life… I needed him there with me, and I started to feel betrayed. He had left the world without me. I wanted to join him there, wherever he was…but I couldn't.

Tonya told me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but she said that it sometimes seems so tempting. I never knew she had such mutilating thoughts of her own, but it didn't get any deeper than that. I hadn't talked to her since that morning the doctor told her and her family that he was gone. She seemed so fragile as she cried into Trent's chest, Trent just staring blankly off into space. He drove me home that morning, not speaking one word until he pulled up in front of my house.

"Are you going to be okay?" Trent asked me that morning as I opened the car door. My eyes were swollen and my throat felt so contorted as I tried to suffocate my sobs.

"I will…" I answered in a choke. Trent tried to smile, but it just didn't come out right. He knew what Tyler meant to me, he knew how much I loved him, how much I needed him.

"Don't do anything stupid," he said, and I left the car. Don't do anything stupid. Jacob had given me the same advice before, but it was different coming from Trent, coming from Trent that day. I had to interpret his words, knowing inside that he was worried about me.

Tonya drove to the cemetery on the day that seemed as dark as night. The clouds were ominously black overhead. Tonya stopped the car and I stepped out, feeling the wind whip at my hair as it blew chilly air against my bare dry skin. Tonya walked around the car and I could hear her heels clicking against the cement. Suddenly, I felt her hand encase around mine and I looked at her. She gave me a weak, lopsided smile as she linked her arm in mine. The gesture told me that I wasn't alone, and I didn't feel alone anymore. Finally, someone was there beside me.

Someone was there to hold my hand again.

The service soon started as the wind began to pick up. I stood next to Tonya; our arms still linked, as a priest delivered his eulogy. I started to cry my silent tears as he spoke of the boy he never knew. I knew him so well…those nights we spent together he told me everything. There's nothing better than having someone you trust, and there's nothing worse than loosing that one you love. Sure, I was only sixteen, some wonder what I even knew about love, but I knew. Even if Tyler and I weren't meant to be together, I knew I couldn't do any less than love him.

Tonya pulled closer to me as the eulogy started to close, knowing that the casket would soon be lowered into the cold, cruel dirt, six feet into the depths of the earth. And there, he would stay. That's what told me that this was permanent. This was forever.

It was so dark down there…so lonely, so cold. It was the last place I wanted his body to rest, but that was the way things went. That was how it worked. I didn't like the system, I wanted to defy the sheer logic that was reality, but I couldn't. The stormy clouds covered any blue in the sky and the temperature dropped lower. My eyes were glazed over it seemed as the priest finally stopped his speaking. He gave the sign of the cross, bringing his hand to his forehead, his chest; his left shoulder to his right and kissed the cross in his hand. He nodded his head, and with that, people started to leave again. Tonya and I stood there, amongst others, taking in the air that was thick with death. After a second or two, I felt Tonya tug at my arm and motion for us to leave. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks stained with tears. I felt as though I should say something, or do something but I couldn't. And then, it started to snow.

I stopped walking, breaking away from Tonya as I stood dumbly in the garden of headstones and broken bodies, letting the snow float down and land on my bare skin. I looked up, as the snow fluffy spheres seemed to fly down to me, swirling ever so slowly around me, taking me away from the painful reality that had stabbed me deeper than I ever imagined possible.

"A gift from the faeries," I muttered, almost inaudible as a snowflake brushed against my lips. It quickly evaporated into water and I licked it away with my tongue. The night I spent with Tyler, the last night he spent with anyone, was a night I wouldn't soon forget. Every time it snowed, I could see his face as we stood in the ice cold water; I could hear his heart beat as I rested my head on his chest to try to relieve my body from the cold. It just strangled my heart, the memories I shared with him because I knew that they would stay just that.


I would never be able to experience anything with him, ever again. The wind swirled the snow around me as I looked back down and saw Tonya near her car; her arms wrapped around herself as her body trembled. I quickly trotted over to her and wrapped my arms tightly around her, whispering to her that in time, everything would be all right again.

"I know," Tonya shivered, hugging me back and hiding her face in the dip of my shoulder. "I knew this day would come…but I don't want to believe it, you know?"

"It's okay," I said gingerly. Knowing inside that things really weren't okay, but also knowing that it would be all right in the end. Ah, the end. The time that I would finally come to peace with Tyler's death seemed so far away because in a sense, I didn't want to get over it. I felt guilty knowing that one day I would wake up and the thought of him wouldn't even linger in my mind. In a way, I didn't want to move on, didn't want to live my life without him, but knowing that I had to. I knew that I would be all right…in the end everything would be all right again, but it was hard. It was so disgustingly difficult for me not to think about him.

We got into her car and drove off to where the "after party" was. A get-together, as sadistic as it was, but I knew that many relatives had come from faraway places, so it was better not to leave on such a sour note. Of course, it was at Tonya's house, a place I knew all too well, and I started to feel sick. I didn't want to go there, back again to the place that held so many painful memories…painful memories that should have been joyful, cherished memories. They were still cherished, cherished because I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I would ever forget him. But inside, I knew that wasn't possible. How could I ever forget him? The one guy that made me feel beautiful…the one person I could trust, the one person I told all my secrets to…

Tonya and I went into her house in the backdoor, and soon parted ways as she started to talk to her relatives. I felt awkward, knowing that in some sense, I was out of place, so I decided to go upstairs. I had to maneuver through the bodies that thrived in the house, looking for a familiar face, but I didn't find him. I wondered where he was hiding, knowing that he was hiding because he had told me himself that he didn't like to mingle with family much. I climbed up the winding staircase and walked down the hallway. The light snow was still falling down gently, but I had a vague idea of where I might find him. He said that this place was where he went to smoke, and if I were in his position, I would probably want to get away too…

I went into his bedroom, onto the balcony and up the trellis. The wind was calmer then as I pulled myself up on the roof of the mansion and looked around for Trent. I saw him sitting across the other side of the house and I cautiously crawled over to him. His legs were bent slightly; his body slumped with his elbows on his knees and a cigarette between his fingers. I must have heard me coming because he turned around and shook his head, a small smile on his face.

"You're going to kill yourself," he said as he reached his hand out to help me make my way next to him. I gripped onto his bony shoulder as I sat down beside him and fixed my skirt, pulling my legs up against my chest, trying to shield myself from the cold air.

"I thought you'd be up here," I said softly, looking out at the trees, sprinkled lightly with some of the cotton fluff snow, looking dull with the gray sky. Snow was usually so beautiful, but the sun still wasn't out. Trent took a drag of his cigarette and sighed.

"You still okay?" he asked, his words sounding childish but his voice deep and throaty. I nodded my head slightly, knowing inside that I wasn't okay, but knowing that I would be.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, nudging him slightly as he took another long drag from his cigarette, the ashes blowing away onto the rooftop. Surprisingly, I watched as he shook his head.

"It doesn't seem real," he said, the words familiar to me. "I would joke to him about it, you know, like that I wanted his car when he died, wanted his computer, or his stereo or something. And he'd laugh with me and play along…" Trent shook his head and quickly wiped his finger under his nose, looking as though he was trying not to cry. "God it's just…" he stammered as he sniffed quickly, "something I used to laugh about is making me cry." He shook his head again and curled his body; "I don't want to cry… I hate crying because you only cry when something bad happens…"

I leaned against him as I rubbed my hand against his back, feeling his spine and ribs, just like Tyler… I had never seen Trent cry before, never seen him show such emotion, even if he hid it in his arms. I guess, I hadn't expected him to cry. Trent was always so placid, but it was a comfort to me. I knew that I wasn't the only one who was afraid to cry.

He didn't let many tears fall and the ones take did were quickly ripped from his face and absorbed into the fabric of his coat sleeve. After about five minutes of silence, Trent cleared his throat and lifted his head. "You never saw that, okay?" he requested and I smiled softly.

"Never saw it," I confirmed for him and he returned my smile. He seemed embarrassed, if nothing more, but he shouldn't have felt that way.

"Well, I'm gonna go back inside," he said as his lanky figure stood up. "Dani's coming over in a bit and she always gets pissed when I come up here…" He paused for a minute and looked down at me, "Are you coming too?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. Trent sniffed again and he nodded. The crooked smile on his face relaxed me some, gave me some reassurance.

"Well, be careful coming down, okay? It's a hell of a long way down… Believe me, I know."

I giggled softly as I watched as he slowly walked down to the trellis, his body slanted as he balanced himself and soon, I was alone again. I wrapped my arms around my legs and started to hum to myself. It was a nameless tune, my mindless humming that I needed just to make myself feel secure again. Trick myself into thinking that I wasn't alone. I sat on the rooftop of the house as the snow finally stopped falling. The trees looked like they had icing on them, and they started to sparkle as the rays of light from the sun hit the crystals in the snow. Everything started to glitter and glow. Normally, I would have despised the joyful looking scenery in such a sour and gloomy mood, but it made me feel better. It was actually quite sad that the appearance of nature in all its beauty was the one thing that made my spirits lighter, but it had. I looked out at the trees and the sky, finally turning a lighter blue as the stormy clouds full of snow started to pass me by. I knew that tomorrow would come, I knew that I would be able to see another day once again, and looking up at the sky that day, that thought made me smile. The comfort to know that there was always tomorrow…

A/N: Well, now, it's really done. I had this written, and decided to go with the other ending, but I'm posting this other ending up just for kicks. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Again, thank you all.