This WAS The Backwash Song


NOTES: This was my friend Psycho Idiot and I ACCTUALLY having this conversation…Some of it is missing, because I couldn't type as fast as she talked. It's okay, though, it's not really important. Okay, everything in "…" is me talking. Everything in -…- is her little brother Barrett talking. Everything free-form is her talking. Everything in {…} is my thoughts. Everything in (…) is sounds or actions. That's it. You got it.


Backwash is my best friend
It's name starts with a B
Backwash is good for my friend Frank
Backwash is good for me!

Why does she have a dog treat in her hand?
It doesn't compare to her friend
Who's a dog herself and will die soon
If left untended
..(something)...
That's a new one.

{I smell pizza.}

{I know she's thinking about Goku.}

That sounds a little bit to rapid for me to be saying
all this..(CHEW CHEW) What's wrong with thinking about Goku?
Goku's nice with coffee and tea and bongo drums...And I know
you're thinking about the Russians with fury hair. You keep
thinking about those Russians, Melissa (laughter). FREAKIN'
DUH! The pizza's still cold...(SLURP, SLURP, SLURP.)
(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!) (SLURP.)
My bologna has a first name its Oscar...(trail...) (SLURP.)
Ehcoughehehenhouw. (MAAD LAUGHTER.)
Hehehow my god.
Goku has first name is GOKUH...He has a 2nd name it's Son___
If anyone asks you what I did tonight, I had fun with a
(something I don't understand..) Wait..
I was trying to spell Saiyan...I think I got lost somewhere
around the 's'...Ahem.
WHAT II DID TONIGHT? WHAT? My soup likes me, not you...My
soup doesn't write down everything I say..(SLURP, SLURP,
SLURP!) Ahem. (SLURP! CLANG! Hum, hum, SLURP, hum, clang,
SLURP...) (cough)
I'm walking away now. Pizza...I BURNT IT! IT MELTED ALL OVER
THE PLACE! Mmm...Pizza...
(CHEW CHEW CHEW)
You're just waiting, aren't you? (heh...slurp, chew) HOW
DO YOU SLURP PIZZA? "you just did" How does it...I dunno...Ow,
hot pizza.
OW! HOT CHEESE! Where's that pitcher of lemonade? Mmm..
Lemonade. (pour, pour, squeak, slurp, Mmm..) (Mumble, cough)
(hum, hum, hum)
(SKID!)
(breathe, breath, heh, breath...Yahoo..)
My Goku has a first name, it's GOKUH...when you take him
to a wedding, he goes CAKE! (hum) Melissa has a..."SHH!"
Meat...I need meat...LET'S HEAR IT FOR!............Catfish.
(ahem) (BEEPBEEPBEEP! CRASH!) Crap...AW CRAP, don't tell me
I took the Cajun stuff...No, I didn't take the Cajun stuff..
Yeah, that's the spicy crap...Oh, no the fish is exploding.
We, look, it squirted...(COUGH!) "SHHH!"
I wish..(can't hear)..
On a tree, on a tree, on a tree..
You know what? People can get scared of what I say without
thinking.
You sure you want to be writing this all down? "YES" I mean,
really, people can get scared...You know. like that book?
War of the Worlds? They read it on the radio, people are
going to be jumping off bridges...You're not actually
posting this, are you? "No.." It would be funny what
response you got..
EHEHEHE! That wasn't my throat...WINDPIPE! Ehehngm.
Okay, go up, I wanna read this. STOPP!
(COOOOUGH!) You're strange..."I'm strange?" What's that song..
People are strange...The Beatles? No...Aaaaaahhhhnn!
Kkaaarroots..Carots.
Ah, potato...Wee! Oh, I forgot what I was gonna say.
(Clamber, crawl, clamber..)
The computer of wonder.
(munch, crunch.)
Am I supposed to do something like a monkey?
You're just gonna, like, poke me with sticks, aren't you.
I'm gonna make popcorn. "Kay." You want some popcorn?
"Sure." (humhumhum)..Twiddly bop, shoobedoo...
Oops.
Having fun...?
(rinse, rinse..)
"You know, I should post this."
It might be funny...If it wasn't all true...It just makes it
scary that it's true...I think Barrett was eating this...I'm
just gonna finish it.
AIR POPPER! POPCORN IN DISGUSE! AIR POPPER, GONNA TAKE OUT
YOUR EYE!
AIR POPPER! "WAIT!"
(CLANG! Pour..)
(whirwhirwhirwhirwhir..)
AIR POPPER! DIDN'T KNOW POPCORN COULD FLY! AIR POPPER! WE'RE
ALL GONNA DIE!
AIAIAIAIAI!
Oooh, I'm dreaming of a blue lagoon...Popcorn spinning.
Batta!
Battaaaaa..
Lots of butter yummy soft, mix it together, what do you get?
A lot of popcorn..
Lovely butter...COW FAT IN DISGUSE! BURNT UP BUTTER!
WE ALL LIKE TO IKE IKE IKE..IPPLES AND BINIANIAs...IT'S
POPPING! POPOPOPOPOP! You think you can beat me? Ow, ow,
HOT POPCORN!
(BEEP!)
Oh, my god, the butter was foaming...It was! Oops...OH MY GOD,
I'm GONNA GET KILLED!
(Whirwhirwhirwhir..die..)
AIR POPPER..(something..) I don't care, it doesn't really
care about me...Oow, sat-tay..Oh, butter..Oh, the popcorn is
melting...(stirstirstir)
You know the popcorn could explode at any giving point?
But what makes some popcorn hotter than others? And they
pop faster? Y'know...Hey, popcorn looks good...And y'know,
you're soup is sitting here, and I'm hungry, and I'm looking
at it...I won't say anything while you're not at the computer..
"Kay, HANG ON!"
Bye-oo!
(long pause)
"...And you can't eat MASS quantities, like you're going to
eat that whole bowl of popcorn....(pause) It doesn't love
you, you know."
Tell me when.
(wipe..)
I do feel like a monkey...A-lou-ai, lou-ai, oh, oh...Oh, crap
my glasses...That's the 3rd time today they fell off...my
glasses hate me..(something)...
(hum, hum)
I need more food, I'm still hungry.
(chewing on both parts.)
Oh, oh crap my..(laugh)
Hehm..huhm..
Haaaoooieee!
Hehehehahahahahahooo...
Popcorn is my best friend...You know, this is a really
comfortable chair, even though it's just a bunch of bags
hanging on a door...Oh, crap...No, it's not...
Nope, still comfortable..
I've got.
A lovely bunch.
Of rainbow pops...
"What ever you're thinking about the rainbow pops, write it
down, I can't type that fast."
Just remember I've got a lovely bunch of rainbow pops, I've
got to go to the bathroom.
{I want some popcorn...But it's all the way over there.}
\m/ (-^ ^-) \m/
(SQUEEEEEK!)
"Ah-lou-aiy, lou-aiy, oh, oh, dundundundundundun..wahi, wahi,
wahi, wahi..."
"That took a LONG time...What were you doing in there?"
Were you terribly bored without me? Mass murder! Bananas in
disguise...Mass murder...Better than...(something) chicken
surprise.
Okay, now I'm just doing stuff to do this funny...
I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO! WE CAN WATCH INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE!
Do you want some cocoa powder? With...Brad Pitt...AHHH..
And "SHH!" Tom Cruise...AHHH!
"Oh, my dad wants to know if he can borrow that from you, he
wants to see it..."
(blows cocoa powder around....)
{She's huffing the powder...}
(SNOOOOORT, COUGH!) Ah, man...
(sprinkle, sprinkle.)
(laughing about nothing.)
I didn't..(mumble ramble) I said I'm rhyming to make stupid
stuff..{or something}.
That's pro'lly all you understood, too.
"That's why I'm doing it down here."
But they don't know what that means!
"Now they do."
No they don't that's more confusing...BUT! What the hell.
Hail chocolate!
DOG TREAT! mmmmmm...
Mhahaha.
Milk. Will you stop that? That's annoying.
Aaahhah...All that ticking is making my brain go tickticktick
....Oh, crap, I got cocoa powder in the milk...Oh, crap,
they're gonna see that..
(pour)
I got popcorn stuck in my gum. Do you think that's funny?
O'hay.
"This is gunna be the best thing on fanfiction.net.."
Goku...I like brownies..(something...) sausage and tea...And
watered down scotch...you vegetable oil Goku...Eating hot
dogs on a plate...That's Goku...This banana makes a nice pillow.
I'm happy...Bananas are nice....Goku...come back home, Goku,
to the banana pillows, and the Raspberry Zinger tea...AHH!
MY EYE! It's getting poked with a banana!
Um Gun kill u wit my bannaaa..(something) Goku.
Oh, no, the banana's scratched my neck...I have this huge
scratch on my neck...HEY! Salt and vinegar chips...Yeah, yeah.
"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Okay, I'm done.
Now there's popcorn everywhere...Where did you put that bowl?
Ah, there it is. My best friend. My only friend..Mhmhmmhmm...
mhmmmhm.
You'd be surprised how many bottles of water are on my floor.
-Did mom allow you to plug that bag in?-
Oh, Barrett, there's popcorn.
-Did she ALOW YOU?-
We just had to print something...Get away from the screen or
I'll have to pound you with anti-acid tablets.
"I had to put that."
-I'll bet..(something)-
Plug that BAG in? Oh, yeah, I plug BAGS in...But the question
is, plug them into WHAT? Seriously!
"Shhh! I can't type that fast."
Barrett's cooking soup.
-Is there a clean pot?-
No...The smell of glue is in the air..(something..)
Nnneeeeiiiaiaahhh..I will kill you with my quarter of
read death..
-Kay, that's weird, but then, you always were..-
The quarter of red death has spoken! WHO WHA!
-GET AWAY!-
Ah, you trying to be a tough guy in front of Melissa, aww..
Now It's red as a tiger!
-Tigers aren't red.-
Hehhhehh..
Ahho!
(clap!) AH! WAR! What is it good for, absolutely nothing!
The quarter of red death has it's revenge!
-GET OOOOOFF!-
"SHH! I'm TYPING!"
No, seriously, it's an intimidating picture of...Washington..
I can't tell, it's all profily..
KICK IT! WHEN I SAY KICK IT, YOU KICK IT WITH A CAPITAL K!
1 2 3! KICK IT! KICK IT!
Oh, god darn it, KICK IT!
CAN'T YOU ONE TIME PLEASE JUST KICK IT!
-If this pot melts, it's your fault.-
BARRETT!
I had him in a head lock...(mumumumummu..)About that one comment..
I'm dreaming of a green...I think I just cut myself with a
penguin...
"This is hard, aight?"
-Is this other bag Cajun, too?-
HOOOO!
-I'll take that as a no.-
WHO! Oh, penguin...Oh, my glasses just like undid themselves..
They're wobbly...They're like, flying...No, look.
HHWWWOOOOO!
Henehnehhen..
We just need somebody to spit upon...You might just have a
problem that we could all have a joke...Sometimes you just
need somebody to curse and choke.
"Can we be done?"
Brother dry your cries, you're not on Vegeta's side...
You need some Java..
"STOPP! PLEASE, STOP!"
-You know when something's really hot..-
Badadad...When you're enraged, feel like you're caged..
All will be better..
"Hold on, I screwed up."
-If you're dead. Should I make tomato soup?-
No.
"Can we stop?"
All will be better if we just carry on. Now you can do this
closing though..
"SHH! Okay, go."
You can do this closing thought. Like, okay, people, this is
the end, right?
"Right."
Okay.
THE END!!!!!