Of Ice

I'm not quite sure
why I miss you so,
and it's likely
that I'll never know,
but isn't it funny how
you've changed me?

For the better,
for the worse,
I don't know,
it feels like a curse,
but it's funny how now
more than anything
I want you.
Not in the way
that a person my age
may think I'm
talking about;
but all I can think of
is how many days
it will be until
I see you again,
even while I know
it's entirely possible
I won't.

Isn't it funny
how everything's changed,
and don't you think
it's kind of strange
how everything seemed so perfect?
Until now, that is.
It seemed like a teenage
fairytale:
Prince Charming, the
lively, handsome,
irresistible
boy with the beautiful eyes
finds the girl of his dreams
in a brown-haired, blue-eyed
dame with a heart
of ice,
who never wanted
anyone before.

They meet as rivals,
as friends they dance,
evolving into
an epic romance
to be remembered for all
Eternity,
or at least,
that's what might've happened...

Except that the girl,
so faithful and true,
could never admit
her fall for this new-
age prince of her heart
of ice.

And just before
she got the chance
to get into
that epic romance,
everything went wrong.
It wasn't her choice,
she left without notice,
and he was gone
on her very last day with him.

"Who could this girl be?
She couldn't be real"—
exactly what I'd have thought
before this ordeal,
but believe it or not,
it's true.
How Shakespearean.
It's nothing I e'er
imagined having
to live through,
and yet every day,
every minute,
every second
I feel it,
cracking my heart
of ice.

Sometimes I feel
you were never gone,
and the memory keeps
living on and on...
and I walk through the lonely
halls of my school,
thinking of all of the
newest of news
I discovered last period,
and I think how I
can't wait
to tell you all about it. I round
the corner, thinking
perhaps
that I'll see you, and feel
that familiar rush
of adrenaline
that gives a pleasured pain.

And just as I begin to smile,
suddenly I remember...
you're gone, then I frown
and try to dismember
the mixed emotions
from my immediate
consciousness.
I let out a heavy sigh,
someone asks me
what is wrong, and
each time I tell them
"Nothing."

Nothing, what a word
of so much pain!
A fire begins
to run through my veins,
and I try to hide
the look of anguish
that overtakes me
each time I think of you
and how you've broken,
torn, and
shattered my heart
of ice.

And each time I remember
your smiling face,
stronger than steel,
gentle as lace...
the very same feeling
comes over my mind
and body.
How I long for your smile,
a grin so mischievous
and complementary
of your dark sun-tanned skin,
the color of which
never seemed to fade
even close
to the color of
that arctic-white whisker
astray on your chin
that I never could figure
out quite why I noticed.

And when that smile
was directed at me,
all I could feel
was the need to be
with you for the rest of my life.
But instead of telling you,
I rolled my eyes,
which only made yours
light up in their starlit brown,
then close as your voice
brightened into
that angelic laugh of yours,
which only magnified the problem
exponentially...
and somehow you melted
this heart
of ice.

Your touch still lingers,
returning to haunt me,
even as the people
around seem to daunt me,
I never can care, for I don't
pay attention at all,
and it's all I can think
some days.
How I long for the touch
of your hand on my shoulder,
when your lips ask for paper,
and your eyes ask much more
than I ever was willing
to admit,
or to give
to anyone else...

And sometimes you don't even
seem real...
like a wintertime statue of your
true self,
as far in the past
as my cold heart of glass
both beautiful sculptures
of ice.

Author's Notes: Like I said, this is a lot like a sequel to "Aloha"--and was meant entirely to be that way. This is what it's like at present. Yes, I know I wrote the aforementioned "Aloha" in the present tense, but it was written about the past...this, however, is about what happens nowadays. A little more grim, and with a shakier sense of theme than the hundred-times-more-profound-and-overall-better poem I've been talking about, "Of Ice"is pretty decent, though it was put hastily together and suffers from a bout of writer's block I've been having. Okay I've got lots of negative things to say (in the shadow of its predecessor, how couldn't I?) but down to the technical aspects.
Okay, I have an a,b,c,b (I think that's how it goes) rhyme scheme set on the first four lines of each verse, and I'm fully aware that the rest of it is free verse. I don't know why I did this, it just came over me. Most of my initiating thoughts rhymed for some reason, so it all worked out. And yes, I also realize that the very last verse didn't rhyme right ("past" and "glass" weren't at the beginning), but this was for effect. I often change the pattern of the last few lines in my poetry, actually.
Last, and perhaps not least, the ongoing theme of ice (hmm, surprising?) and the more subtle fairytale motif that isn't always apparent are the two central ideas you'll want to look for in this one. If you're even looking for themes (for all you evil English teachers out there who might be reading this), that is.
At any rate, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed my sloppy mess. *laughs* Thoroughly. ;^) ~Mistress Jakira