Amy stood staring at the cell door.
"Two million dollars for a couple of speeding tickets?" she thought angrily.
"It's OK," she told herself, "He'll be back for me and it all will be good."
She sat down and started rocking, curled up in a fetus position.
"I won't be here long," she promised herself, "Not like last time."
The woman hurried soundlessly through the building towards her destination, staying in
the shadows. She expertly slipped past the guards and finally reached the door she seeked.
She removed a bobby-pin from her hair and picked the lock. Opening the door, she slipped
inside.
Kevin and K.C. were suddenly aware of another presence in the room.
"Hello?" asked K.C. nervously.
"Hello," said a woman's voice, "Are you the ones?"
"Which ones?" asked Kevin.
"The ones sent by Remba," said the woman.
"Oh, good God," said K.C., "Not another one!"
"I have come to take you away," said the voice.
A candle's light suddenly broke through the darkness, filling the room with small rays of
light. The woman stepped into it's flickering light. Her hair was graying and she was older,
perhaps in her late forties. She looked tired, but a strange gleam in her eyes took their
attention from her wrinkles.
"We must save Nicole," she said.
Kevin stared at her. She seemed so familiar....he just couldn't place her. Suddenly,
remembering, he gasped. She was the mother of Nicole's host family. He remembered her
from a picture Nicole had shown him. With her has been Micheal and a girl. He
remembered thinking it was odd that the father was not in the picture.
"Come quickly," the woman said, "We haven't much time."
Kevin glanced at K.C. and followed her quickly. They managed to slink out of the
building. They were walking outside down narrow streets when the woman spoke up
again, "I must apologize for my husband's actions. He is a bit eccentric."
"He's completely off his rocker," K.C. said.
"Her husband?" wondered Kevin. He thought for a moment, "the cab driver, that must be
him. But then that means she was living in a house with that maniac. Good God." He
turned to the woman, "You said we needed to save Nicole. Is she in danger?"
"Yes, I'm afraid she is," the woman answered, "My husband and his crazy cult friends
seem to think she is some kind of threat to their 'way of life'. We must find her before
they do. But first we will go to my house...there's some things I need."
"OK, lead the way," Kevin said, eager to find Nicole and take her away from this place.
"I don't trust her," whispered K.C., "There's something odd about her."
"Don't be ridiculous," replied Kevin, "We need to save Nicole."
He turned and followed the mother.
Amy paced impatiently in her cell.
"That's it," she thought, "I can't stay here any longer."
Clearing her voice, she screamed in horror. The guard jumped up and ran to her cell.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I saw a spider," Amy said hysterically and pointed to the corner.
"Is that all?" asked the guard in relief.
"Please kill it," she begged prettily, "You can't leave me in here with it."
"Oh, all right," said the guard, taking pity on her. He unlocked the door and stepped
inside. He walked in and closed the door behind him. He walked over to the corner of the
cell and crouched down.
"I don't see any spider," the guard said.
Quickly and quietly Amy reached over and snapped the guard's neck like a cheap
toothpick from a second rate restaurant. Working quickly, Amy took his keys and gun.
She snuck quietly out of the police station. Once in the alley, she checked the gun to see
how many bullets were left.
"Fully loaded," she thought, "Good, now I can find the bastard who did this to me."
"Come in and take a seat, " said the mother, gesturing to the expensive Italian leather
chairs in the living room.
"But we need to find Nicole," whined Kevin.
"All in due time," said the mother, "But first we have tea."
"I'm telling you," said K.C., "There's something weird about her."
"Would you stop being so paranoid," snapped Kevin at him.
He was sick and tired of hearing K.C. whine, and desperate to find Nicole.
"Why were they stopping for tea?" wondered Kevin.
"Tea time!" said the mother with a smile, as she carried two cups of tea to them, "Drink
up!"
"We really don't have time for tea," Kevin said, beginning to get up from his chair.
"Drink it!" yelled the mother. She smiled suddenly and said in a light, cheerful voice, "I
mean, it's an Ethiopian tradition to serve your guests tea."
Kevin picked up the teacup, and with one gulp, swallowed it's entire contents.
"There," said Kevin, "It was very delicious." It wasn't actually true. It had been very nasty
and bitter.
"Can we go now?" Kevin asked impatiently.
"He hasn't had any," said the mother, pointing to K.C..
K.C. sighed and brought the cup to his lips. The mother watched eagerly. K.C. suddenly
stopped.
"Hey," he said, "Where's your tea?"
"Ummm..It's considered impolite polite to...drink tea in front of company," the mother
said. Under her breath she muttered, "Yeah, that will work."
K.C. seemed satisfied with her answer. He took a sip of tea.
"God that's terrible," he thought. His natural reaction was to spit it out. However, if he
did he was afraid the woman would spaz out again. He swallowed it.
"You don't make tea very often, do you?" he couldn't help but ask.
She was about to reply when a girl burst into the room.
"Mother! Nicole ran off with Prince Edward. Nobody can find them. The king has put a
huge ransom on Nicole's head," the girl said, out of breath.
She stopped and looked at Kevin and K.C., puzzled, "Who the hell are you?"
"I think the better question is who in the hell is Prince Edward?!" Kevin said angrily.
"Susan, sweetheart. This is Kevin and K.C. from America. Boys, this is my daughter
Susan," Susan's mother said.
"Kevin? Nicole's Kevin?" asked Susan, "Funny....I thought you'd be a little less.....ugly."
"Who the hell is Prince Edward?!!" Kevin screamed getting angrier and angrier.
"He's a handsome, rich, charismatic prince who has swept your girlfriend off her feet,"
Susan said.
Kevin's face turned bright red, and seemed to be ready to explode.
"We'll see how handsome he is when I get through with him," said Kevin, clenching his
fists and started for the door.
"You can't leave!" Susan's mother yelled.
"And who's goona stop me?" asked Kevin.
Susan's mother smirked, "I poisoned your tea."
Suddenly Kevin felt dizzy and a blackness overtook him.
"Hey!" said Nicole, "You promised me gourmet dinners!"
"Hungry?" asked the pilot pleasantly, "Let's see what I got." He reached into the glove
compartment and shuffled things around a bit. Finally, finding what he was looking for, he
produced a moldy biscuit.
"I'm not that hungry," Nicole replied, but seriously considered it.
"How long until we're in Canada?" Prince Edward asked.
"Oh, about an hour or so," the pilot replied.
Micheal walked into the police station with a bucket of KFC. The whole station was in a
state of chaos. He heard something about a cop being killed, but didn't really care.
"Amy!" he called, "I brought you some KFC!"
He took a drumstick and began to chew on it.
"Amy?" Micheal said, walking over to her cell and looking in it.
"Excuse me," said a guard who had come up behind him, "Can I help you?"
"Where is Amy?" asked Micheal.
"That's what we'd like to know," said another man. He was tall and wore a black
trenchcoat. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a badge.
"Frank Sully," he said, presenting it to Micheal, "FBI. Please come with me."
Micheal followed him reluctantly. He was led into a small interrogation room.
"How do you know Amy?" asked Frank Sully, as he closed the door.
"Well," said Micheal, clutching his bucket of KFC protectively, "We just met about 10
hours ago. She was supposed to be on a date with me."
"Do you have any idea where she might be?" Frank Sully asked.
"No," said Micheal flatly.
"Tell me what you know about her," said Frank Sully.
"What's with all the damn questions?" Micheal asked angrily, "I've got a question for you.
What the hell is going on?"
Frank Sully sighed and looked as he was debating on whether or not to tell. Finally, he
said, "The girl that you know as Amy is really Diane Neville. She is an international
assassin. I've been tracking her for three years. He sighed, "And I was so close this time."
He hit his fist against the table angrily.
"An assassin? You must be talking about someone else," said Micheal in disbelief, "My
Amy is not like that."
"She is manipulative, she can make you think anything she wants," said Sully, "She is the
deadliest assassin in the world. She's killed over 300 people. Every time she's caught, she
manages to escape."
"What do you want me to do about it?" asked Micheal.
"You're the last person who saw her," said Sully, "Well, the last person who saw her and
is still alive...."
Kevin woke up with a bad headache. He attempted to get up, but found he was chained
down. He struggled against the chains, only to find it hopeless. Looking up, he saw K.C.
chained to the table next to him.
"K.C.," he whispered. There was no movement.
"K.C.," he said slightly louder. There was no response.
"K.C.!" yelled Kevin. K.C. jumped , but didn't get far because of his chains.
"Why is it that every time I black out, I wake up chained to something?" complained K.C.
"Where are we?" Kevin asked.
"It matters not where you are. It matter where you're going, and I'm sending you straight
back to hell," Susan's mother said, suddenly appearing in a doorway that Kevin had not
noticed. She had changed into a long, hooded velvet red robe and held a long dagger in
her hands. Susan followed her in.
"What? What did we do?" Kevin asked in shock.
"You have been sent to kill the bringer of the clowns. I can not allow you to do that. She
must live so that she can destroy Remba and all his followers," said Susan's mother.
"Oh, no. Not another psycho," complained K.C., "Listen, we're not here to destroy
anyone!"
"Silence! Now feel the cold metal of my dagger!" Susan's mother screamed and she thrust
her dagger towards K.C.'s chest.
"Mom! No!" Susan screamed and tackled her mother to the ground.
"You little wench!" Susan's mother screamed and attempted to stab her. Susan reacted
without thinking. She punched her mom and her mom fell to the ground, unconscious.
"Come on," said Susan, looking at Kevin and K.C., "Let's get you out of here."
Diane Neville stood across the street, in the shadows, watching Micheal. She was filled
with a terrible rage. She couldn't stand being locked up. She watched Micheal walk down
the street, into an apartment building. She followed him, still staying in the shadows. She
followed him into the building and up the stairs and watched him open his apartment.
"Apartment number 142," she murmured to herself. She smiled and thought to herself,
"Now all I have to do is wait."
They finally landed. Nicole was glad. "If I don't get something to eat soon, I'm going to
hurt someone," she thought to herself with a scowl.
"Let's get something to eat," Prince Edward said.
"I love you," Nicole said.
They wandered the streets of Toronto, looking for a place to eat. They found a place
called "The Little Beaver Restaurant." They were seated and a waitress came to their
table.
"Can I take your order?" she asked.
Nicole opened her mouth to answer, but Prince Edward cut her off.
"Let me handle this. I speak Canadian," he said, turning to the waitress. "Hi, eh, can we
get two cheeseburgers, eh. And how about you bring us two pops, eh?"
"Fuck you," the waitress responded.
"Can I just get something to eat? Anything, please," Nicole said, wincing.
"One house special for the lady. And two cheeseburgers for the jackass," the waitress said,
"Coming right up."
"Why did you help us?" K.C. asked Susan, who was frantically packing her bags.
"We have to find Nicole so you can bring her home," Susan said.
""Why do you care so much?" Kevin asked suspiciously.
"I don't know what he sees in her, she's a complete psycho, "said Susan with a scowl,
"Prince Edward deserves so much better."
"Ah, I see," K.C. said, "You're jealous."
Susan blushed. "I am not," she said.
"I don't care. How do we find Nicole," Kevin asked.
"It won't be easy," said Susan, "We need to find her before my father and the king does.
Now, let's get out of here before my mother wakes up."
Diane sat outside Micheal's window on the fire escape. She peered in at him. Finally, he
had fallen asleep. She opened the window and quietly slipped in. She made her way to the
kitchen and took all the cleaners out. She put them in the microwave. She walked over
and, seeing that it was a gas stove, smiled. She turned it on high. She walked over to the
refrigerator and took the last beer. After turning the microwave on high for 3 minutes, she
quickly exited out the window.
Micheal woke up and sleepily went to the fridge. "All out of beer? But I thought there was
one left," he thought, frowning at the empty shelf, "I'll just go get some more." As he left
the building there was a loud noise. He looked back at the area where Kevin's apartment
was. All that was left was a hole of smoke and fire.
Diane watched the apartment building go up in flames. She smiled. "Goodbye, Micheal,"
she thought. She walked down to the little bar on the corner. As she walked in, the
bartender smiled and waved her over to him.
"Diane, you're looking well," he said. His eyes darted around the room, "I have another
job for you."
"I'm listening," Diane said.
"The king of Ethiopia has a little...problem he'd like you to solve for him. I've got your
tickets. Your plane leaves in two hours," the bartender said.
Diane took the tickets and left.
Prince Edward watched with wide eyes as Nicole attacked her food.
"Are you goona finish that?" asked Nicole, pointing at his cheeseburger. He pushed it
towards her. He had lost his appetite. She quickly finished it off.
"Nicole, sweetheart," he said with a smile, "Why don't you go wait outside while I pay the
bill."
Nicole stepped out. Five minutes later Prince Edward joined her. The waitress came out
after him.
"Hey! You didn't pay your bill!" she screamed.
"Run!" Prince Edward yelled. He took off with Nicole following him closely.
Diane got off the plane. The bartender had given her a map to the palace with her tickets.
She followed the winding streets all the way, noticing something was wrong. Children
were playing in the streets with expensive looking toys, but they themselves looked thin
and malnourished. She walked through the marketplace. People were selling expensive
rugs and beautiful pieces of art. But there was no bread, no vegetables, no food of any
sort being sold in the market.
"What an odd place," she said to herself. Once she reached the palace she was in complete
awe at the extravagance and size. She went up to the huge double doors. A tall man in a
butler suit opened the doors.
"You must be Diane," the butler said, greeting her with a warm smile. Before she could
answer, he hurried her into the palace.
"Come with me," he said, "The king wishes to meet you in his throne room."
Diane followed him down a huge hall. The walls were coated with gold and every five feet
there hung a crystal chandelier from the ceiling. The throne room was even more
extravagant. Crimson silk hung from every wall. The marble floor had small designs that
looked hand carved and the throne was pure gold with gems all over it.
"Wow," Diane said.
"I see you're impressed," a voice said behind her.
Diane spun around, automatically ready to attack. A tall black man stood behind her. He
was wearing expensive clothing and an ornate crown was upon his head.
"You must be Diane," the King said as he walked over and sat on his throne.
"Yes," Diane said.
"I've heard a great deal of your....um...exploits from my advisors. They assure me that
you're the best of the best," said the King, "I have a little problem I was hoping that you
could help me with."
"Go on," said Diane, listening intently.
"My son ran off," said the King, "I want him returned to me."
"Hey, I'm not a delivery girl," said Diane, "I'm an assassin."
"Precisely why I need your help," said the king calmly, "My son ran off with a
psychologist from America. I'm sure once she's out of the picture he'll come back. Your
job is to eliminate her."
"My services don't come cheap," Diane said.
"As for payment," continued the King, "I'm willing to pay 50 million."
"50 million doll....." Diane stammered.
"I guess that's a yes," said the King with a smirk on his face.
"That's a hell yes!" Diane said gleefully, "Do you have any ideas where they might be?"
"Sir!" said the butler, "A very reliable source said they were last spotted on a plane
heading northwest."
"Don't worry," said Diane with a sinister smile, "I'll find them."
"How are we goona find Nicole?" Kevin asked impatiently.
"I know someone who can help us," said Susan. She walked over to a small shop across
the street. The shop was worn down, the windows so dirty, they were now opaque. A sign
on the door said "Closed", but she ignored it. She walked in and waved Kevin and K.C. in
quickly.
"Hurry up!" she whispered. They followed her down a narrow hallway into a cluttered
kitchen. She walked across the kitchen to a tiny door, through the door was a small
staircase. They followed her down the staircase into a small room filled with hundreds of
gadgets and electronical parts.
"What are we doing here?" asked Kevin, eager to find Nicole.
"Sally? Sally? Are you here?" Susan asked, ignoring him.
A tall girl emerged from under the staircase. She was skinny, pale and overly nervous.
"Susan? What are you doing here?" Sally asked, her eyes darting around.
"I need your help," said Susan.
"Why should I help you?" asked Sally.
"Because if you don't I'll turn you into the government," replied Susan.
"All right," sighed Sally, "What do you need?"
"We need the best weapon you have made," said Susan.
"Ah," said Sally, "I have just the thing, the most advanced weapon of all time." She smiled
and opened a small door near her, and disappeared into it.
"Dude," said K.C., punching Kevin gently, "Do you think she's got some kind of atomic
bomb in there?"
"Of course not," said Sally returning with three small, white boxes, "They're terribly
boring after you wipe out a city or two." She handed them each a box, cautioning them
not to open them. "When you have absolutely no other choice, then open the boxes. When
you see what they contain, you'll know how to use them."
Kevin frowned thoughtfully at the box, "Is it supposed to be this light?"
"Of course it is!" replied Sally in disgust, "Would you prefer something you couldn't
carry?"
"Thank you," said Susan.
"Anytime," said Sally sarcastically.
Micheal returned to Kevin's apartment with a six-pack. He frowned at the pile of rubble.
"Damn," he thought, "Well, I might as well go home." He took a swig of beer and hailed a
taxi to leave for the airport.
Following Edward, Nicole dashed past a hot dog vendor, a cat, several houses, two old
men playing chess and a singing plant.
"That's odd," she thought, "Since when are hot-dogs three dollars? What a rip-off!"
Suddenly she realized Edward was nowhere in sight. As she was running past a corner, a
large arm reached out and grabbed her. Her eyes and mouth were covered and a muscular
body held her in place.
An hour after Diane left, the king still sat on his throne, grinning to himself. He would win,
he would always win. Suddenly he saw something flash by the window. He frowned.
Another yellow thing went by. Noises came from outside, getting increasingly louder by
the moment. "How am I supposed to gloat in this racket?" he thought with a scowl. He
marched outside to stop the annoying noises. Outside there was a wrecking ball and
several bulldozers. He frowned at them and lied down in front of an approaching
bulldozer. A harassed looking man wearing a hard hat walked up to him.
"You can't lie in front of the bulldozer forever," said the construction boss.
"Can too," argued the King.
"I'm afraid this highway simply must be built," sighed the construction boss.
"Mr. Ast, is it?" asked the King, reading his name tag.
Mr. Ast nodded.
"Why does this highway have to be built anyway?" asked the King.
"What do you mean, why does this highway have to be built?" said Mr. Ast in surprise,
"It's a highway! You have to build highways!"
"Besides," said Mr. Ast, trying to reason with the King, "You were quite entitled to make
a complaint at the appropriate time."
"Appropriate time!" exclaimed the King, "The first time I heard of this was yesterday
when a workman arrived at the castle. I thought he was a painter, but he told me he came
to demolish the castle. He didn't come out and say it, mind you. First he did a little finger
painting in the grand hall and charged me thirty bucks!"
"Well, I'm sorry," said Mr. Ast, "But the plans have been available at the town hall for the
last two years."
"Ah, yes," said the King, "I thought that might be the case so I went and checked them
out yesterday. However, you really didn't go out of your way to promote them, like
actually telling anyone, did you?"
"But, the plans were on display," protested Mr. Ast.
"On display!" exclaimed the King, "The receptionist had no idea what I was talking about
and after several hours I finally find them in the cellar."
"That's where the displays are kept!" said Mr. Ast.
"I had to use a flashlight," pointed out the King.
"Ah, well," said Mr. Ast, "We've been having some problems with the lights going out."
"Which is understandable," said the King, "But the stairs had also gone out, or so I found
after falling two stories and then turning on my flashlight."
"But you found the plans," argued Mr. Ast.
"Of course, after I realized that's what the toilet paper in the lavatory actually was," said
the King.
"There you are!" said a voice behind them.
Mr. Ast spun around and the King looked up from his place on the ground. They found a
smiling Micheal.
"What's going on?" Micheal asked.
"They're trying to demolish the castle!" complained the King.
Mr. Ast threw his hands up in disgust and grumbling, walked away.
"Well, in that case," said Micheal, "They're going to run over you if you just lie there."
"I know that!" exclaimed the King, "I'm trying to stop them!"
"Can you take off a couple minutes and stop by my house for a cup of tea?" asked
Micheal.
"I don't think you understand!" said the King, "If I get up, there will be nothing to stop
them!"
"So you're going to lie there forever?" asked Micheal.
"Until they say they won't bulldoze it," said the King.
"And you can't take a half an hour to have a cup of tea?" said Micheal slowly.
"No!" said the King.
"But we really, really need to talk," begged Micheal, "Please? Pretty please?"
The king shook his head solemnly, "I'm afraid I can't leave this spot."
A sudden glint lit Micheal's eyes. He walked over to Mr. Ast.
"Has he come to his senses yet?" asked Mr. Ast hopefully.
"Can we assume for the moment," said Micheal, "That he hasn't?"
"Sure?" said Mr. Ast.
"And can we also assume that because of that," continued Micheal, "He's going to be
lying here all day?"
"I suppose so..." said Mr. Ast.
"So your men are going to be standing around all day?" asked Micheal.
"That's entirely possible," said Mr. Ast.
"So, if you're planning on it anyway," reasoned Micheal, "You don't actually need him to
lie there the whole time, do you?"
"What?!" exclaimed Mr. Ast.
"You don't really need him here," said Micheal patiently.
"Well," said Mr. Ast, "I suppose not...."
"So, if you'll just assume that he's going to be here all day anyway," said Micheal, "Then
he and I could go to my house for a cup of tea, say for a half an hour?"
"I suppose that's possible," said Mr. Ast, who was rather confused at this point.
"And in return," said Micheal, with a smile, "We'll be happy to cover for you if you want
to run down to the pub later on."
"Thank you," said Mr. Ast with a smile, "I think."
"So, if you'll just come over here and lie down..." said Micheal.
"Excuse me?" asked Mr. Ast.
"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear," said Micheal, "Someone's got to lie in front of the
bulldozers, or there won't be anything to stop them, will there?"
"What?" said Mr. Ast.
"It's very simple," explained Micheal, "The King will get out of the way in the sole
condition that you lie in the mud for him."
"You want me..." said Mr. Ast, "To lie in the mud?"
"Yes," said Micheal calmly.
"In front of the bulldozer?" asked Mr. Ast.
"Yes," said Micheal.
"Instead of the King?" said Mr. Ast, "In return for which, you'll take the King home for a
cup of tea?"
"Exactly!" said Micheal, enthusiastically.
"Promise?" asked Mr. Ast, after a moments thought.
"I promise," said Micheal firmly.
They walked over to the King, who was still lying in the mud.
"Get up and let the man lie down," said Micheal.
"What?" asked the King.
"Get up," said Micheal, "So that Mr. Ast here can lie down."
"He's going to lie down for me?" asked the King, "Why?"
"So that we can go to my house," answered Micheal.
"I need a drink," said the King.
"I have tea," offered Micheal.
The king sighed and got up and let Mr. Ast settle himself in the mud hole.
Diane took the first flight home. She had a secret underground kingdom under a
prestigious opera house in London. She slipped through the stage door, past the costumes
and behind a large mirror, down a flight of stairs. All the time she was thinking, "I'll have
to put up an alert to all my contacts." She stopped at a stone wall and tapped a code into a
plate. A large column of stone opened and she walked into a grand, golden hallway. The
door slid back into place and the exit was no longer seen, as it was covered with
wallpaper. Diane sighed, looking at the strewn bodies on the floor. She purposely kicked a
few as she walked by. Diane walked into her private suite. Ignoring her harem of French
man-whores, she went to her office. Picking up the intercom she yelled, "Everybody up!"
Hearing the moans and groans coming from her workers, she smiled. "50 million dollars,"
she thought, "Just enough to buy a private island and really get my business underway.
Why, in a few years I'll be the most sought after assassin in the world. "
Sully stood outside the theater. He dropped his cigarette and rubbed the flame out with his
shoe. "She must be up to something," he thought, "When she comes here, she's always up
to something. I wonder....perhaps she's meeting someone." He decided to go in and
search for her, not that it would do any good. She always seemed to disappear when she
came here. He frowned. "But I will find her," he told himself, "Yes my dear, I will find
you and I will take back what you took from me those three years ago."
K.C. looked down at the plane tickets Susan had placed in his hand.
"Canada?" he said, "Why in the hell are we going to Canada?"
Kevin looked up from his Housekeeping magazine, "What do you mean Canada?"
"I mean," said K.C., "She's taking us to Canada."
"I know that," said Kevin, rolling his eyes, "But why would Nicole be in Canada?"
"Because that's where the prince is," said a voice behind them. They turned to see Susan
returning from the bathroom.
"Why would they be in Canada?" asked Kevin.
"Because he always talked about going there," answered Susan in an annoyed voice,
"Canada this, Canada that. I swear if he said 'eh' one more time!"
"But we don't have passports," protested K.C.
"Yes, you do," said Susan, placing two small passports in their hands.
"John Smith," said Kevin, reading the name inside, "How original. But this guy looks
nothing like me!"
"So?" said Susan, "It's not like they every actually look at the passports."
"You think you have problems," said K.C., "I'm Jane Doe."
"Well," said Susan, "At least you look like her."
"Do not!" said K.C.
"Do too!" said Susan.
"Do not!" said K.C., raising his voice.
"Do too!" said Susan, her voice even louder then K.C.'s.
"Okay you two," interrupted Kevin, "Do I need you two to separate corners?"
"No!" said K.C. and Susan in unison.
"Canada is such a big place," said Kevin gazing helplessly at a map, "How will we ever
find her?"
"Your majesty?" Micheal asked nervously, "I'd like to ask you a huge favor."
"Yes?" the King said expectantly.
"Well, sir," Micheal said, "I've recently visited America....."
"AMERICA!" the King cut him off, "Americans are nothing but a bunch of evil
son-stealing sinners!"
"Did I say America?" said Micheal evasively, "I meant...Madagascar! Yes, Madagascar.
And it was there I finally decided I would make my dream come true."
"And what's that?" the King asked.
"To own a cozy little corner side coffee shop," he replied wistfully.
"What does that have to do with me?" the King asked impatiently, checking his $150
Rolex.
"All I need is a little money to get started," Micheal said.
The King sighed and pulled out his check book and asked, "How much?"
"Three million," Micheal said.
The King scribbled out the check and gave it to Micheal.
"Thank you, your majesty, you're a king among men," Micheal said.
Diane sat in her black leather Lazy Boy recliner. An attractive man servant fed her grapes.
"Status report!" she yelled. A scrawny man carrying a clipboard came running up to her.
"Yes Ma'am," he said, "421!"
"What the hell? 421 what?" Diane inquired angrily.
"421 grapes, oh beautiful goddess of death," said the man quickly.
"Status on Nicole, you nitwit!" Diane raged. She considered snapping his neck, but
decided another grape would be better. As the man servant placed it in her mouth, she
couldn't help but think, "420....."
"Oh! Nicole," said the man, frantically ruffling through his files, "Yes, we got your fax
yesterday."
"What!" yelled Diane. She had wanted to have his execution today, which is why she
asked about Nicole. No one should know about her yet. Her minions couldn't be getting
better then her at her own game! Suddenly she had a thought, "Wait a minute, I didn't
send a fax."
"What fax?!" she barked at the man.
"Umm...this one," said the man. The clipboard shook as his hands trembled. He presented
the paper to Diane, who read it. It said simply...
I have the girl, Nicole. I'll be there tomorrow. I will contact you.
The signature was unreadable.
The man went on to explain that they had assumed Diane sent the fax, since she came
back when the fax indicated. And besides, very few people knew that fax number.
Edward was running out of breath. He turned around, looking for Nicole. She wasn't
behind him. He frowned. "She was right behind me just a moment ago......" he thought.
He decided to call for a car while he was waiting. He saw a lady with a cell phone near
him, but changed his mind when he saw a pay phone. Picking up the receiver, he stuck
some random Ethiopian change in the slot, as he had no idea how much it cost. He dialed
1 for the operator, following the directions on the phone.
"Hello?" asked the friendly voice of the operator.
"I want the number for General Motors, eh," he said.
"Yes sir," said the operator, "Would you like me to give you the number or directly
connect you?"
"Directly connect me, eh," replied Edward.
"One moment please," said the operator.
A few feet away a cell phone rang. The lady answered it but Edward's attention was
drawn away as a voice came on the line.
"General Motors," said the lady's voice.
"I want a car, eh," said Edward.
"I don't sell cars," said the woman, her voice suddenly sounding annoyed.
"But aren't you General Motors, eh?" asked Edward.
"Yes, and stop saying eh!" said the harassed woman, "I'm General Motors, not General
Motors."
"What, eh.....I mean..." Edward wasn't as good at English as he was at Canadian. He tried
to ask the difficult question, "What you mean?"
"I'm Eliza Motors, a General of the Canadian Army," Eliza said, annoyed at the sexy man
in front of her.
"Then why you know speak Canadian?" Edward asked through his thick accent. Eliza
found his guttural sentences quite attractive, and didn't bother explaining Canadians spoke
normal English anyways.
"Two million dollars for a couple of speeding tickets?" she thought angrily.
"It's OK," she told herself, "He'll be back for me and it all will be good."
She sat down and started rocking, curled up in a fetus position.
"I won't be here long," she promised herself, "Not like last time."
The woman hurried soundlessly through the building towards her destination, staying in
the shadows. She expertly slipped past the guards and finally reached the door she seeked.
She removed a bobby-pin from her hair and picked the lock. Opening the door, she slipped
inside.
Kevin and K.C. were suddenly aware of another presence in the room.
"Hello?" asked K.C. nervously.
"Hello," said a woman's voice, "Are you the ones?"
"Which ones?" asked Kevin.
"The ones sent by Remba," said the woman.
"Oh, good God," said K.C., "Not another one!"
"I have come to take you away," said the voice.
A candle's light suddenly broke through the darkness, filling the room with small rays of
light. The woman stepped into it's flickering light. Her hair was graying and she was older,
perhaps in her late forties. She looked tired, but a strange gleam in her eyes took their
attention from her wrinkles.
"We must save Nicole," she said.
Kevin stared at her. She seemed so familiar....he just couldn't place her. Suddenly,
remembering, he gasped. She was the mother of Nicole's host family. He remembered her
from a picture Nicole had shown him. With her has been Micheal and a girl. He
remembered thinking it was odd that the father was not in the picture.
"Come quickly," the woman said, "We haven't much time."
Kevin glanced at K.C. and followed her quickly. They managed to slink out of the
building. They were walking outside down narrow streets when the woman spoke up
again, "I must apologize for my husband's actions. He is a bit eccentric."
"He's completely off his rocker," K.C. said.
"Her husband?" wondered Kevin. He thought for a moment, "the cab driver, that must be
him. But then that means she was living in a house with that maniac. Good God." He
turned to the woman, "You said we needed to save Nicole. Is she in danger?"
"Yes, I'm afraid she is," the woman answered, "My husband and his crazy cult friends
seem to think she is some kind of threat to their 'way of life'. We must find her before
they do. But first we will go to my house...there's some things I need."
"OK, lead the way," Kevin said, eager to find Nicole and take her away from this place.
"I don't trust her," whispered K.C., "There's something odd about her."
"Don't be ridiculous," replied Kevin, "We need to save Nicole."
He turned and followed the mother.
Amy paced impatiently in her cell.
"That's it," she thought, "I can't stay here any longer."
Clearing her voice, she screamed in horror. The guard jumped up and ran to her cell.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I saw a spider," Amy said hysterically and pointed to the corner.
"Is that all?" asked the guard in relief.
"Please kill it," she begged prettily, "You can't leave me in here with it."
"Oh, all right," said the guard, taking pity on her. He unlocked the door and stepped
inside. He walked in and closed the door behind him. He walked over to the corner of the
cell and crouched down.
"I don't see any spider," the guard said.
Quickly and quietly Amy reached over and snapped the guard's neck like a cheap
toothpick from a second rate restaurant. Working quickly, Amy took his keys and gun.
She snuck quietly out of the police station. Once in the alley, she checked the gun to see
how many bullets were left.
"Fully loaded," she thought, "Good, now I can find the bastard who did this to me."
"Come in and take a seat, " said the mother, gesturing to the expensive Italian leather
chairs in the living room.
"But we need to find Nicole," whined Kevin.
"All in due time," said the mother, "But first we have tea."
"I'm telling you," said K.C., "There's something weird about her."
"Would you stop being so paranoid," snapped Kevin at him.
He was sick and tired of hearing K.C. whine, and desperate to find Nicole.
"Why were they stopping for tea?" wondered Kevin.
"Tea time!" said the mother with a smile, as she carried two cups of tea to them, "Drink
up!"
"We really don't have time for tea," Kevin said, beginning to get up from his chair.
"Drink it!" yelled the mother. She smiled suddenly and said in a light, cheerful voice, "I
mean, it's an Ethiopian tradition to serve your guests tea."
Kevin picked up the teacup, and with one gulp, swallowed it's entire contents.
"There," said Kevin, "It was very delicious." It wasn't actually true. It had been very nasty
and bitter.
"Can we go now?" Kevin asked impatiently.
"He hasn't had any," said the mother, pointing to K.C..
K.C. sighed and brought the cup to his lips. The mother watched eagerly. K.C. suddenly
stopped.
"Hey," he said, "Where's your tea?"
"Ummm..It's considered impolite polite to...drink tea in front of company," the mother
said. Under her breath she muttered, "Yeah, that will work."
K.C. seemed satisfied with her answer. He took a sip of tea.
"God that's terrible," he thought. His natural reaction was to spit it out. However, if he
did he was afraid the woman would spaz out again. He swallowed it.
"You don't make tea very often, do you?" he couldn't help but ask.
She was about to reply when a girl burst into the room.
"Mother! Nicole ran off with Prince Edward. Nobody can find them. The king has put a
huge ransom on Nicole's head," the girl said, out of breath.
She stopped and looked at Kevin and K.C., puzzled, "Who the hell are you?"
"I think the better question is who in the hell is Prince Edward?!" Kevin said angrily.
"Susan, sweetheart. This is Kevin and K.C. from America. Boys, this is my daughter
Susan," Susan's mother said.
"Kevin? Nicole's Kevin?" asked Susan, "Funny....I thought you'd be a little less.....ugly."
"Who the hell is Prince Edward?!!" Kevin screamed getting angrier and angrier.
"He's a handsome, rich, charismatic prince who has swept your girlfriend off her feet,"
Susan said.
Kevin's face turned bright red, and seemed to be ready to explode.
"We'll see how handsome he is when I get through with him," said Kevin, clenching his
fists and started for the door.
"You can't leave!" Susan's mother yelled.
"And who's goona stop me?" asked Kevin.
Susan's mother smirked, "I poisoned your tea."
Suddenly Kevin felt dizzy and a blackness overtook him.
"Hey!" said Nicole, "You promised me gourmet dinners!"
"Hungry?" asked the pilot pleasantly, "Let's see what I got." He reached into the glove
compartment and shuffled things around a bit. Finally, finding what he was looking for, he
produced a moldy biscuit.
"I'm not that hungry," Nicole replied, but seriously considered it.
"How long until we're in Canada?" Prince Edward asked.
"Oh, about an hour or so," the pilot replied.
Micheal walked into the police station with a bucket of KFC. The whole station was in a
state of chaos. He heard something about a cop being killed, but didn't really care.
"Amy!" he called, "I brought you some KFC!"
He took a drumstick and began to chew on it.
"Amy?" Micheal said, walking over to her cell and looking in it.
"Excuse me," said a guard who had come up behind him, "Can I help you?"
"Where is Amy?" asked Micheal.
"That's what we'd like to know," said another man. He was tall and wore a black
trenchcoat. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a badge.
"Frank Sully," he said, presenting it to Micheal, "FBI. Please come with me."
Micheal followed him reluctantly. He was led into a small interrogation room.
"How do you know Amy?" asked Frank Sully, as he closed the door.
"Well," said Micheal, clutching his bucket of KFC protectively, "We just met about 10
hours ago. She was supposed to be on a date with me."
"Do you have any idea where she might be?" Frank Sully asked.
"No," said Micheal flatly.
"Tell me what you know about her," said Frank Sully.
"What's with all the damn questions?" Micheal asked angrily, "I've got a question for you.
What the hell is going on?"
Frank Sully sighed and looked as he was debating on whether or not to tell. Finally, he
said, "The girl that you know as Amy is really Diane Neville. She is an international
assassin. I've been tracking her for three years. He sighed, "And I was so close this time."
He hit his fist against the table angrily.
"An assassin? You must be talking about someone else," said Micheal in disbelief, "My
Amy is not like that."
"She is manipulative, she can make you think anything she wants," said Sully, "She is the
deadliest assassin in the world. She's killed over 300 people. Every time she's caught, she
manages to escape."
"What do you want me to do about it?" asked Micheal.
"You're the last person who saw her," said Sully, "Well, the last person who saw her and
is still alive...."
Kevin woke up with a bad headache. He attempted to get up, but found he was chained
down. He struggled against the chains, only to find it hopeless. Looking up, he saw K.C.
chained to the table next to him.
"K.C.," he whispered. There was no movement.
"K.C.," he said slightly louder. There was no response.
"K.C.!" yelled Kevin. K.C. jumped , but didn't get far because of his chains.
"Why is it that every time I black out, I wake up chained to something?" complained K.C.
"Where are we?" Kevin asked.
"It matters not where you are. It matter where you're going, and I'm sending you straight
back to hell," Susan's mother said, suddenly appearing in a doorway that Kevin had not
noticed. She had changed into a long, hooded velvet red robe and held a long dagger in
her hands. Susan followed her in.
"What? What did we do?" Kevin asked in shock.
"You have been sent to kill the bringer of the clowns. I can not allow you to do that. She
must live so that she can destroy Remba and all his followers," said Susan's mother.
"Oh, no. Not another psycho," complained K.C., "Listen, we're not here to destroy
anyone!"
"Silence! Now feel the cold metal of my dagger!" Susan's mother screamed and she thrust
her dagger towards K.C.'s chest.
"Mom! No!" Susan screamed and tackled her mother to the ground.
"You little wench!" Susan's mother screamed and attempted to stab her. Susan reacted
without thinking. She punched her mom and her mom fell to the ground, unconscious.
"Come on," said Susan, looking at Kevin and K.C., "Let's get you out of here."
Diane Neville stood across the street, in the shadows, watching Micheal. She was filled
with a terrible rage. She couldn't stand being locked up. She watched Micheal walk down
the street, into an apartment building. She followed him, still staying in the shadows. She
followed him into the building and up the stairs and watched him open his apartment.
"Apartment number 142," she murmured to herself. She smiled and thought to herself,
"Now all I have to do is wait."
They finally landed. Nicole was glad. "If I don't get something to eat soon, I'm going to
hurt someone," she thought to herself with a scowl.
"Let's get something to eat," Prince Edward said.
"I love you," Nicole said.
They wandered the streets of Toronto, looking for a place to eat. They found a place
called "The Little Beaver Restaurant." They were seated and a waitress came to their
table.
"Can I take your order?" she asked.
Nicole opened her mouth to answer, but Prince Edward cut her off.
"Let me handle this. I speak Canadian," he said, turning to the waitress. "Hi, eh, can we
get two cheeseburgers, eh. And how about you bring us two pops, eh?"
"Fuck you," the waitress responded.
"Can I just get something to eat? Anything, please," Nicole said, wincing.
"One house special for the lady. And two cheeseburgers for the jackass," the waitress said,
"Coming right up."
"Why did you help us?" K.C. asked Susan, who was frantically packing her bags.
"We have to find Nicole so you can bring her home," Susan said.
""Why do you care so much?" Kevin asked suspiciously.
"I don't know what he sees in her, she's a complete psycho, "said Susan with a scowl,
"Prince Edward deserves so much better."
"Ah, I see," K.C. said, "You're jealous."
Susan blushed. "I am not," she said.
"I don't care. How do we find Nicole," Kevin asked.
"It won't be easy," said Susan, "We need to find her before my father and the king does.
Now, let's get out of here before my mother wakes up."
Diane sat outside Micheal's window on the fire escape. She peered in at him. Finally, he
had fallen asleep. She opened the window and quietly slipped in. She made her way to the
kitchen and took all the cleaners out. She put them in the microwave. She walked over
and, seeing that it was a gas stove, smiled. She turned it on high. She walked over to the
refrigerator and took the last beer. After turning the microwave on high for 3 minutes, she
quickly exited out the window.
Micheal woke up and sleepily went to the fridge. "All out of beer? But I thought there was
one left," he thought, frowning at the empty shelf, "I'll just go get some more." As he left
the building there was a loud noise. He looked back at the area where Kevin's apartment
was. All that was left was a hole of smoke and fire.
Diane watched the apartment building go up in flames. She smiled. "Goodbye, Micheal,"
she thought. She walked down to the little bar on the corner. As she walked in, the
bartender smiled and waved her over to him.
"Diane, you're looking well," he said. His eyes darted around the room, "I have another
job for you."
"I'm listening," Diane said.
"The king of Ethiopia has a little...problem he'd like you to solve for him. I've got your
tickets. Your plane leaves in two hours," the bartender said.
Diane took the tickets and left.
Prince Edward watched with wide eyes as Nicole attacked her food.
"Are you goona finish that?" asked Nicole, pointing at his cheeseburger. He pushed it
towards her. He had lost his appetite. She quickly finished it off.
"Nicole, sweetheart," he said with a smile, "Why don't you go wait outside while I pay the
bill."
Nicole stepped out. Five minutes later Prince Edward joined her. The waitress came out
after him.
"Hey! You didn't pay your bill!" she screamed.
"Run!" Prince Edward yelled. He took off with Nicole following him closely.
Diane got off the plane. The bartender had given her a map to the palace with her tickets.
She followed the winding streets all the way, noticing something was wrong. Children
were playing in the streets with expensive looking toys, but they themselves looked thin
and malnourished. She walked through the marketplace. People were selling expensive
rugs and beautiful pieces of art. But there was no bread, no vegetables, no food of any
sort being sold in the market.
"What an odd place," she said to herself. Once she reached the palace she was in complete
awe at the extravagance and size. She went up to the huge double doors. A tall man in a
butler suit opened the doors.
"You must be Diane," the butler said, greeting her with a warm smile. Before she could
answer, he hurried her into the palace.
"Come with me," he said, "The king wishes to meet you in his throne room."
Diane followed him down a huge hall. The walls were coated with gold and every five feet
there hung a crystal chandelier from the ceiling. The throne room was even more
extravagant. Crimson silk hung from every wall. The marble floor had small designs that
looked hand carved and the throne was pure gold with gems all over it.
"Wow," Diane said.
"I see you're impressed," a voice said behind her.
Diane spun around, automatically ready to attack. A tall black man stood behind her. He
was wearing expensive clothing and an ornate crown was upon his head.
"You must be Diane," the King said as he walked over and sat on his throne.
"Yes," Diane said.
"I've heard a great deal of your....um...exploits from my advisors. They assure me that
you're the best of the best," said the King, "I have a little problem I was hoping that you
could help me with."
"Go on," said Diane, listening intently.
"My son ran off," said the King, "I want him returned to me."
"Hey, I'm not a delivery girl," said Diane, "I'm an assassin."
"Precisely why I need your help," said the king calmly, "My son ran off with a
psychologist from America. I'm sure once she's out of the picture he'll come back. Your
job is to eliminate her."
"My services don't come cheap," Diane said.
"As for payment," continued the King, "I'm willing to pay 50 million."
"50 million doll....." Diane stammered.
"I guess that's a yes," said the King with a smirk on his face.
"That's a hell yes!" Diane said gleefully, "Do you have any ideas where they might be?"
"Sir!" said the butler, "A very reliable source said they were last spotted on a plane
heading northwest."
"Don't worry," said Diane with a sinister smile, "I'll find them."
"How are we goona find Nicole?" Kevin asked impatiently.
"I know someone who can help us," said Susan. She walked over to a small shop across
the street. The shop was worn down, the windows so dirty, they were now opaque. A sign
on the door said "Closed", but she ignored it. She walked in and waved Kevin and K.C. in
quickly.
"Hurry up!" she whispered. They followed her down a narrow hallway into a cluttered
kitchen. She walked across the kitchen to a tiny door, through the door was a small
staircase. They followed her down the staircase into a small room filled with hundreds of
gadgets and electronical parts.
"What are we doing here?" asked Kevin, eager to find Nicole.
"Sally? Sally? Are you here?" Susan asked, ignoring him.
A tall girl emerged from under the staircase. She was skinny, pale and overly nervous.
"Susan? What are you doing here?" Sally asked, her eyes darting around.
"I need your help," said Susan.
"Why should I help you?" asked Sally.
"Because if you don't I'll turn you into the government," replied Susan.
"All right," sighed Sally, "What do you need?"
"We need the best weapon you have made," said Susan.
"Ah," said Sally, "I have just the thing, the most advanced weapon of all time." She smiled
and opened a small door near her, and disappeared into it.
"Dude," said K.C., punching Kevin gently, "Do you think she's got some kind of atomic
bomb in there?"
"Of course not," said Sally returning with three small, white boxes, "They're terribly
boring after you wipe out a city or two." She handed them each a box, cautioning them
not to open them. "When you have absolutely no other choice, then open the boxes. When
you see what they contain, you'll know how to use them."
Kevin frowned thoughtfully at the box, "Is it supposed to be this light?"
"Of course it is!" replied Sally in disgust, "Would you prefer something you couldn't
carry?"
"Thank you," said Susan.
"Anytime," said Sally sarcastically.
Micheal returned to Kevin's apartment with a six-pack. He frowned at the pile of rubble.
"Damn," he thought, "Well, I might as well go home." He took a swig of beer and hailed a
taxi to leave for the airport.
Following Edward, Nicole dashed past a hot dog vendor, a cat, several houses, two old
men playing chess and a singing plant.
"That's odd," she thought, "Since when are hot-dogs three dollars? What a rip-off!"
Suddenly she realized Edward was nowhere in sight. As she was running past a corner, a
large arm reached out and grabbed her. Her eyes and mouth were covered and a muscular
body held her in place.
An hour after Diane left, the king still sat on his throne, grinning to himself. He would win,
he would always win. Suddenly he saw something flash by the window. He frowned.
Another yellow thing went by. Noises came from outside, getting increasingly louder by
the moment. "How am I supposed to gloat in this racket?" he thought with a scowl. He
marched outside to stop the annoying noises. Outside there was a wrecking ball and
several bulldozers. He frowned at them and lied down in front of an approaching
bulldozer. A harassed looking man wearing a hard hat walked up to him.
"You can't lie in front of the bulldozer forever," said the construction boss.
"Can too," argued the King.
"I'm afraid this highway simply must be built," sighed the construction boss.
"Mr. Ast, is it?" asked the King, reading his name tag.
Mr. Ast nodded.
"Why does this highway have to be built anyway?" asked the King.
"What do you mean, why does this highway have to be built?" said Mr. Ast in surprise,
"It's a highway! You have to build highways!"
"Besides," said Mr. Ast, trying to reason with the King, "You were quite entitled to make
a complaint at the appropriate time."
"Appropriate time!" exclaimed the King, "The first time I heard of this was yesterday
when a workman arrived at the castle. I thought he was a painter, but he told me he came
to demolish the castle. He didn't come out and say it, mind you. First he did a little finger
painting in the grand hall and charged me thirty bucks!"
"Well, I'm sorry," said Mr. Ast, "But the plans have been available at the town hall for the
last two years."
"Ah, yes," said the King, "I thought that might be the case so I went and checked them
out yesterday. However, you really didn't go out of your way to promote them, like
actually telling anyone, did you?"
"But, the plans were on display," protested Mr. Ast.
"On display!" exclaimed the King, "The receptionist had no idea what I was talking about
and after several hours I finally find them in the cellar."
"That's where the displays are kept!" said Mr. Ast.
"I had to use a flashlight," pointed out the King.
"Ah, well," said Mr. Ast, "We've been having some problems with the lights going out."
"Which is understandable," said the King, "But the stairs had also gone out, or so I found
after falling two stories and then turning on my flashlight."
"But you found the plans," argued Mr. Ast.
"Of course, after I realized that's what the toilet paper in the lavatory actually was," said
the King.
"There you are!" said a voice behind them.
Mr. Ast spun around and the King looked up from his place on the ground. They found a
smiling Micheal.
"What's going on?" Micheal asked.
"They're trying to demolish the castle!" complained the King.
Mr. Ast threw his hands up in disgust and grumbling, walked away.
"Well, in that case," said Micheal, "They're going to run over you if you just lie there."
"I know that!" exclaimed the King, "I'm trying to stop them!"
"Can you take off a couple minutes and stop by my house for a cup of tea?" asked
Micheal.
"I don't think you understand!" said the King, "If I get up, there will be nothing to stop
them!"
"So you're going to lie there forever?" asked Micheal.
"Until they say they won't bulldoze it," said the King.
"And you can't take a half an hour to have a cup of tea?" said Micheal slowly.
"No!" said the King.
"But we really, really need to talk," begged Micheal, "Please? Pretty please?"
The king shook his head solemnly, "I'm afraid I can't leave this spot."
A sudden glint lit Micheal's eyes. He walked over to Mr. Ast.
"Has he come to his senses yet?" asked Mr. Ast hopefully.
"Can we assume for the moment," said Micheal, "That he hasn't?"
"Sure?" said Mr. Ast.
"And can we also assume that because of that," continued Micheal, "He's going to be
lying here all day?"
"I suppose so..." said Mr. Ast.
"So your men are going to be standing around all day?" asked Micheal.
"That's entirely possible," said Mr. Ast.
"So, if you're planning on it anyway," reasoned Micheal, "You don't actually need him to
lie there the whole time, do you?"
"What?!" exclaimed Mr. Ast.
"You don't really need him here," said Micheal patiently.
"Well," said Mr. Ast, "I suppose not...."
"So, if you'll just assume that he's going to be here all day anyway," said Micheal, "Then
he and I could go to my house for a cup of tea, say for a half an hour?"
"I suppose that's possible," said Mr. Ast, who was rather confused at this point.
"And in return," said Micheal, with a smile, "We'll be happy to cover for you if you want
to run down to the pub later on."
"Thank you," said Mr. Ast with a smile, "I think."
"So, if you'll just come over here and lie down..." said Micheal.
"Excuse me?" asked Mr. Ast.
"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear," said Micheal, "Someone's got to lie in front of the
bulldozers, or there won't be anything to stop them, will there?"
"What?" said Mr. Ast.
"It's very simple," explained Micheal, "The King will get out of the way in the sole
condition that you lie in the mud for him."
"You want me..." said Mr. Ast, "To lie in the mud?"
"Yes," said Micheal calmly.
"In front of the bulldozer?" asked Mr. Ast.
"Yes," said Micheal.
"Instead of the King?" said Mr. Ast, "In return for which, you'll take the King home for a
cup of tea?"
"Exactly!" said Micheal, enthusiastically.
"Promise?" asked Mr. Ast, after a moments thought.
"I promise," said Micheal firmly.
They walked over to the King, who was still lying in the mud.
"Get up and let the man lie down," said Micheal.
"What?" asked the King.
"Get up," said Micheal, "So that Mr. Ast here can lie down."
"He's going to lie down for me?" asked the King, "Why?"
"So that we can go to my house," answered Micheal.
"I need a drink," said the King.
"I have tea," offered Micheal.
The king sighed and got up and let Mr. Ast settle himself in the mud hole.
Diane took the first flight home. She had a secret underground kingdom under a
prestigious opera house in London. She slipped through the stage door, past the costumes
and behind a large mirror, down a flight of stairs. All the time she was thinking, "I'll have
to put up an alert to all my contacts." She stopped at a stone wall and tapped a code into a
plate. A large column of stone opened and she walked into a grand, golden hallway. The
door slid back into place and the exit was no longer seen, as it was covered with
wallpaper. Diane sighed, looking at the strewn bodies on the floor. She purposely kicked a
few as she walked by. Diane walked into her private suite. Ignoring her harem of French
man-whores, she went to her office. Picking up the intercom she yelled, "Everybody up!"
Hearing the moans and groans coming from her workers, she smiled. "50 million dollars,"
she thought, "Just enough to buy a private island and really get my business underway.
Why, in a few years I'll be the most sought after assassin in the world. "
Sully stood outside the theater. He dropped his cigarette and rubbed the flame out with his
shoe. "She must be up to something," he thought, "When she comes here, she's always up
to something. I wonder....perhaps she's meeting someone." He decided to go in and
search for her, not that it would do any good. She always seemed to disappear when she
came here. He frowned. "But I will find her," he told himself, "Yes my dear, I will find
you and I will take back what you took from me those three years ago."
K.C. looked down at the plane tickets Susan had placed in his hand.
"Canada?" he said, "Why in the hell are we going to Canada?"
Kevin looked up from his Housekeeping magazine, "What do you mean Canada?"
"I mean," said K.C., "She's taking us to Canada."
"I know that," said Kevin, rolling his eyes, "But why would Nicole be in Canada?"
"Because that's where the prince is," said a voice behind them. They turned to see Susan
returning from the bathroom.
"Why would they be in Canada?" asked Kevin.
"Because he always talked about going there," answered Susan in an annoyed voice,
"Canada this, Canada that. I swear if he said 'eh' one more time!"
"But we don't have passports," protested K.C.
"Yes, you do," said Susan, placing two small passports in their hands.
"John Smith," said Kevin, reading the name inside, "How original. But this guy looks
nothing like me!"
"So?" said Susan, "It's not like they every actually look at the passports."
"You think you have problems," said K.C., "I'm Jane Doe."
"Well," said Susan, "At least you look like her."
"Do not!" said K.C.
"Do too!" said Susan.
"Do not!" said K.C., raising his voice.
"Do too!" said Susan, her voice even louder then K.C.'s.
"Okay you two," interrupted Kevin, "Do I need you two to separate corners?"
"No!" said K.C. and Susan in unison.
"Canada is such a big place," said Kevin gazing helplessly at a map, "How will we ever
find her?"
"Your majesty?" Micheal asked nervously, "I'd like to ask you a huge favor."
"Yes?" the King said expectantly.
"Well, sir," Micheal said, "I've recently visited America....."
"AMERICA!" the King cut him off, "Americans are nothing but a bunch of evil
son-stealing sinners!"
"Did I say America?" said Micheal evasively, "I meant...Madagascar! Yes, Madagascar.
And it was there I finally decided I would make my dream come true."
"And what's that?" the King asked.
"To own a cozy little corner side coffee shop," he replied wistfully.
"What does that have to do with me?" the King asked impatiently, checking his $150
Rolex.
"All I need is a little money to get started," Micheal said.
The King sighed and pulled out his check book and asked, "How much?"
"Three million," Micheal said.
The King scribbled out the check and gave it to Micheal.
"Thank you, your majesty, you're a king among men," Micheal said.
Diane sat in her black leather Lazy Boy recliner. An attractive man servant fed her grapes.
"Status report!" she yelled. A scrawny man carrying a clipboard came running up to her.
"Yes Ma'am," he said, "421!"
"What the hell? 421 what?" Diane inquired angrily.
"421 grapes, oh beautiful goddess of death," said the man quickly.
"Status on Nicole, you nitwit!" Diane raged. She considered snapping his neck, but
decided another grape would be better. As the man servant placed it in her mouth, she
couldn't help but think, "420....."
"Oh! Nicole," said the man, frantically ruffling through his files, "Yes, we got your fax
yesterday."
"What!" yelled Diane. She had wanted to have his execution today, which is why she
asked about Nicole. No one should know about her yet. Her minions couldn't be getting
better then her at her own game! Suddenly she had a thought, "Wait a minute, I didn't
send a fax."
"What fax?!" she barked at the man.
"Umm...this one," said the man. The clipboard shook as his hands trembled. He presented
the paper to Diane, who read it. It said simply...
I have the girl, Nicole. I'll be there tomorrow. I will contact you.
The signature was unreadable.
The man went on to explain that they had assumed Diane sent the fax, since she came
back when the fax indicated. And besides, very few people knew that fax number.
Edward was running out of breath. He turned around, looking for Nicole. She wasn't
behind him. He frowned. "She was right behind me just a moment ago......" he thought.
He decided to call for a car while he was waiting. He saw a lady with a cell phone near
him, but changed his mind when he saw a pay phone. Picking up the receiver, he stuck
some random Ethiopian change in the slot, as he had no idea how much it cost. He dialed
1 for the operator, following the directions on the phone.
"Hello?" asked the friendly voice of the operator.
"I want the number for General Motors, eh," he said.
"Yes sir," said the operator, "Would you like me to give you the number or directly
connect you?"
"Directly connect me, eh," replied Edward.
"One moment please," said the operator.
A few feet away a cell phone rang. The lady answered it but Edward's attention was
drawn away as a voice came on the line.
"General Motors," said the lady's voice.
"I want a car, eh," said Edward.
"I don't sell cars," said the woman, her voice suddenly sounding annoyed.
"But aren't you General Motors, eh?" asked Edward.
"Yes, and stop saying eh!" said the harassed woman, "I'm General Motors, not General
Motors."
"What, eh.....I mean..." Edward wasn't as good at English as he was at Canadian. He tried
to ask the difficult question, "What you mean?"
"I'm Eliza Motors, a General of the Canadian Army," Eliza said, annoyed at the sexy man
in front of her.
"Then why you know speak Canadian?" Edward asked through his thick accent. Eliza
found his guttural sentences quite attractive, and didn't bother explaining Canadians spoke
normal English anyways.