Hand Sanitizer: An Ode To Sexuality
Dedicated to The one and only Vampire Buddah
The hand sanitizer is dead sexy
He tells good jokes (none of them are dirty though)
Ps and Qs damn the british accent
I'm wearing the slinky red dress
But there is a vixen on the move
With her little martini and a shot glass of gin and tonic
Gin and tonic Gin and Tonic
Sassy little handbag, skin like ivory
Talks to the hand sanitizer
I wish his name was joe but it isn't
Cuts right in on not-joe's and my conversation
::in my mind:: I take the little stick the olive is perched on and stab Ivory to death leaving her bloodied carcas in the casino to rot and be eaten by the Indian's vulture god fuck her fuck her fuck her fuck her i bet she was a prep i bet she was me::
The hand sanitizer smiles and looks Ivory over
His eyes wander but it isn't like he wants to jump her little bird bones
Ivory goes to the jukebox and puts a quarter in.
Can't decide which country song crap to infect us with.
::in my mind:: the jukebox eats her and then chokes on the silicon implants and dies letting out a huge sigh like bagpipes as the country music is catapulted forever into utter oblivion never to be heard again. fuck her fuck her fuck her i bet she was a prep i bet she was me::
I let my hand rest of the hand sanitizer and he looks into my eyes
I wonder "What if it's a her?"
Kinky with a capital "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DR. PEPPER?!"
"You know something?" says the hand sanitizer, brushing a lock of my hair over my shoulder
"I'm terrible in the sack" it finishes
::in my mind:: the Indian vulture god and the jukebox regurgitate Ivory and she saunters up to the hand sanitizer and give him head before ripping her dress open with those blood red fingernails of hers, beckoning for him to take her on the crapps table fuck her fuck her fuck her i bet she was a prep i bet she was me::
"Why are you bad in the sack?" I ask.
"Because I am mourning the death of the little children"
"You are mourning the death of the little children?"
"I'm mourning the death of the little children."
"This converrsation has deteriorated emensly"
I look in my bag: bite me it says on the side painted on the microfiber in the blood of llammas
In my bag are three orange vials of the material plastic
"Let me buy you a drink babe" I whisper hoarsly in the ear of the hand sanitizer.
I slip the bar tender a fifty
tell him to put the three pills in the hand sanitizer's uzo
Hand Sanitizer drinks the uzo and lights a smoke
Ivory is back, she takes a little ebony cigarett holder from the sassy handbag
"Bum a smoke you randy iwannafuckrightnow fuck shit head you?" she purrs.
He lights her smoke coldly
A fire lights in his eyes.
"Put in a new song love" he says. Quarter exchanges palms
Once she's gone he gets down on one knee
"Ever since you found me in your drawer i knew you were the one"
Voice of an robot
::in my mind:: I see a garden wedding. All the condoms are the groomsmen and all the tampons are the bridesmaids. Acne wash is the best man and a nail file is my maid of honor. Matron, parden me, too many rolls in the hay to be a maid. The preist (Mic Jagger I might add) blesses our marriage and i kiss the hand sanitizer. He sweeps me in his arms and takes me right there on the pulpet. Mic Jagger joins in and we have a randy threesom. The condoms and the tampons get together and everyoen is rip roaring drunk in a fantastic nuptual orgy ::
"That's just how I want to say it." the hand sanitizer says.
Tears fill my eyes
He wants me not
Ivory returns
fuck her fuck her fuck her
i bet she was a prep
i wish she was me
The impotent hand sanitizer attempts to take Ivory right there on the crapps table
I laugh madly as his noble attempts fail
Ivory takes the toothpick from her martini and stabbs the hand sanitizer to a bloody pulp
Bloody but germ free