A prince with the fate of a peasant. An ugly duckling that never turned to a swan. A Kingdom of selfish civilians that overthrow the wise old Kind. Experience the magic of bedtime stories gone strangely awry!

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Once upon a time, there was a less-than-handsome prince. His name was Colin, and he was the son of the great and wise King Henry and the fair Queen Lily. It was assumed by many – King and Queen included – that young Colin (he was only sixteen) would one day take the throne and rule over Endland with a just and gentle hand. It was also assumed that he would marry a beautiful princess from across the ocean, who would come to live with Colin for happily ever after, the end. In fact, the King and Queen had just the princess for him – the radiant and near-sighted Princess Guinevere, from a distant country. The royal couple was quite pleased with themselves – who better to marry Prince Un-charming (for Colin was rather lacking in social graces) than the half-blind Princess Dimwit (for the princess was also rather lacking in the common sense department)?

The King was worried for a while about how the Kingdom would fare under the heir's negligent rule, but then his wife gently reminded him that would, after all, be quite dead and it wouldn't be his problem anymore. Thus the King promptly lost any concern for the Kingdom's well being after his passing. This, however, did not bode well for the peasants.

A small group of tavern-going men discussed just that problem nearly every day, while downing several mugs of foul-smelling ale. Their conversation usually started out with well intentioned 'we should's and escalated into loud, riotous tantrums involving copious amounts of profanity and nearly always ended in a brawl of some sort.

One day, when the men were quite drunk (but not at the brawling stage), a cunning little imp named Sophie came up with what the men thought was an extremely clever idea.

"Since you hate this forgetful Prince Colin so much," suggested devious Sophie (already skilled at manipulating her over-indulgent father) in a sweet, innocent tone, "Why don't you ensure that he never reaches the throne?"

"Little miss, I believe you're hit upon something!" responded the general ringleader of the tavern-goers, a pot-bellied man by the name of Paul. His words were slightly slurred due to too much alcohol.

"How so?" asked little Sophie, feigning ignorance.

"I've got just the idea!" bellowed a loud, belligerent farmer from the back of the tavern. "We can hire a traveling gypsy, and pay her to predict the Prince's fortune!"

"Indeed, Bartholomew! Or his misfortune!" shouted Paul in reply.

"No, no!" Sophie tried to interject, "you've got it all wrong!" She had been thinking more along the line of an assassination, but the drunks were too far gone in their enthusiasm to pay her any heed.

Inevitably a fight broke out between Bartholomew and his neighbor, so Sophie went back home for the night, leaving the chaotic tavern in a state of disarray.

The next day, when he awoke, fragments of the previous nights' ideas still clung tenaciously to Paul's mind, despite the hangover. So he gathered up some of his colleagues and formulated a plan. As luck would have it, there was reputed to be a traveling gypsy passing through those parts, and they accosted her in the streets and badgered her into predicting the Prince's misfortune. One of the men had a rare stroke of genius and suggested telling the Prince his destiny was that of a peasant's. Predictions by traveling gypsies were never to be taken lightly, and the King would dutifully send his son away to become a peasant if that was so foretold.

So, it came to pass that later that day, Paul, Bartholomew, and three other conspirators walked up to the palace gates and demanded to be admitted. The King, finding no reason not to, allowed the gates to be opened and received the group in his royal throne room.

"Oh wise King Henry," proclaimed Paul, falling to his knees and bowing profusely, "I bring before you this wizened old gypsy woman, and plead of you to let her speak the Prince's destiny!"

The King, once again, found nothing suspicious about this, and called for his son so he might have his fortune told.

"Ah, dear Prince," cackled the old gypsy, holding the Prince's flaccid hand between her gnarled fingers, "I see much ill fortune in your future. Behold! I can see your fall from princedom! I see you cast out from the castle of your birth, destined to live the life of a lowly peasant! This is your fate!"

"No!" cried the poor Prince in shock. "This cannot be!"

"If this gypsy woman predicts your fate to be as such," uttered the King solemnly, "than it is surely so."

The men from the tavern, satisfied with their work, left the castle in high spirits and proceeded back to their tavern, where they drank twice as much alcohol as the night before. The old gypsy woman was finally allowed to continue on her way, for which she was profoundly grateful.

Alas, back at the castle, Prince Colin was in no such good mood. His parents firmly insisted that he fulfill his destiny and live the remainder of his life as a peasant. With much sadness, he packed his bags and departed the castle.

Once outside the protective walls, poor Colin had no idea what to do. He followed the road he had left the castle on and soon found himself in the same town where as the drunkards who had brought about his downfall. By chance he happened upon an extremely ugly girl about his age at the well in the middle of the town.

"Can thou helpest me?" he asked forlornly, looking so miserable and unhappy that the unbecoming girl took pity on him. She brought him home with her and let him sleep in her bed, while she retired on the couch. Colin thought this was very kind of her, but promptly forgot to tell her so the next morning. He lost all train of though as he gazed into her eyes and beheld her beauty.

"Lo, and thou art the most gorgeous creature I have thus far met," Colin exclaimed, for once actually using the correct flowery speech.

The poor girl was so overwhelmed. Ever since she was young, she had been told how ugly she was. Her cruel stepsisters and had always been terrible to her, saying things like, "You'll never be as beautiful as us, Regina," and nicknamed her the Ugly Duckling.

Regina was so taken with this young man that she burst into tears. Colin looked bewildered. What was he supposed to do now?

Fortunately he didn't have to answer that question, for there came a knock at the door that startled Regina out of her sobs. She answered the door while wiping tears from her eyes and consequently missed the look of revulsion that crossed their visitor's face as he saw how hideously ugly she was.

"Yes?" she inquired, and the messenger at the door managed to hand her a letter before bolting.

"What is it?" Colin asked. Regina held the letter up and read through it slowly and carefully. Then an expression of disfiguring joy spread across her face.

"We've been invited to the King's ball!" she cried. "What a momentous event! I've got to get ready!" Her dull eyes sparkled for a moment, and then died out, for the dreariness of her face could not sustain such an image-enhancing sparkle for long. "I'll need to get my best dress, and all my make-up, and do my hair-"

"The King is holding a ball?" Colin interjected, looking absolutely crushed. "Whatever for?"

"Here, it says: The honored King Henry of Endland is holding the first land-wide Ball, in order to find a suitable suitor and husband, and next heir to the throne, for the Princess Amethyst." Regina read aloud. "I didn't know the King had a daughter." She shrugged. "Oh well! I simply must prepare myself for the ball!" And with that, she rushed from the room in a hurry, dreaming of eloquent dresses and jewelry.

Meanwhile, Colin was deep in thought. His little sister Amethyst – only 14 – would certainly object to the thought of having a fiancé at her tender young age. And if he could persuade her to do something drastic – oh, such as running away from home – there would be nobody else to take the throne and the King would be desperate for an heir. So desperate, in fact, he might even take Colin back!

This put Colin in a pretty chipper mood, and he spent the rest of the evening trying to make the modest little suit he had packed away before leaving look as good as it could.

About an hour before the Ball was scheduled to start, Colin told Regina he had an errand to run, and that he would meet her there. Regina nodded and waved him off, intent upon applying mascara. So Colin traveled along the same road her had entered the town by back to the Castle, flourishing the invitation at the guards, who paid no attention to him.

Since he had lived the in the Castle since his birth, he knew his way around pretty well. Though he had the best of intention, he of course became lost in the labyrinthine passages. Through sheer dumb luck (and dumb indeed it was) he found himself at his sister's room.

"Amethyst?" he called as he pushed through the door, tripping over a chess set and nearly toppling a huge replica of the solar system.

"What is it?" his sister called irritably. She resembled him in almost no way – where he was dull, she was sharp, and where his looks waned toward mediocre, it was obvious Amethyst would grow to be a veritable Helen of Troy. Her mood did not improve as she beheld her brother in the doorway. "What do you want?"

"I heard Father was arranging to have you married off," he answered, quailing inwardly at his sister's stoic gaze. Little Amethyst immediately flew into a rage, stomping madly around her room and throwing various thick books about science at the wall.

"I hate it!" she shrieked, her rage escalating in a full blown-out tantrum, and only dignity saved her from falling to the floor and pounding her fists against the lush carpeting in anger.

"You know, there is a way out of it," he mentioned. Amethyst abruptly shook herself and glared at her brother.

"How?" she asked bluntly.

"Why, run away!" he said, laughing as if the matter was entirely simple and very funny. Amethyst paused to think.

"That makes much sense, indeed." She pondered aloud. "I could get far away from her and become a famed astrologer and physicist… I'll do it!" That was the end of the matter. Amethyst threw some things together in a large tote bag and was in the middle of exiting through her window when she called out to her brother in a fit of geniality, "I hope something better happens to you."

These words of encouragement by his precociously mature sister elevated Colin's spirits just about through the roof. He wandered down to the ballroom and caught a glimpse of Regina being avoided by a crowd of Lords and Ladies. Again, he was struck by her immense… beauty. He was so intent upon gazing at her face, he tripped over his own feet and fell ungracefully down the wide, marble staircase. He of course managed to injure himself, and the stairs left him with the gift of a large, very bloody nose. He stuffed a handkerchief to his face to staunch the flow of blood and stumbled his way, half-blind across the ballroom floor.

Upon their thrones, the King and Queen were most displeased to see their estranged son. King Henry was about to summon the guards and have him removed when a shout came from the entrance of the castle.

"Halt!" bellowed on guard, which didn't help. The mob of angry man stormed through the entryway and into the ballroom, wielding plowshares and rakes angrily.

"Down with King!" shrieked the head of the group. It was none other than Paul, the audacious tavern-man. "We'll not have a tyrant for a ruler!"

"Preposterous!" snorted the King, who felt that that was the appropriate thing to say in the situation. "Absolutely preposterous!"

"Out with the King! Out with the King!" Joined in some disgruntled peasants, who had spent years becoming more and more displeased with the King as he squandered feudal taxes on his own personal luxuries.

"Yes! Down with the tyrant King!" A shrill female voice joined the clamor, and Colin was surprised to see his sister Amethyst pushing her way through the crowd. "I won't be married off to some stupid Prince! I'll usurp the throne and rule it myself!"

"My dear, you're much too young!" The King chortled, but he was drowned out by the rising cry of the peasants.

"Amethyst as King! Amethyst as King!" they bellowed, ignoring the complications of assigning a male appellation to a female. Amethyst looked none too pleased, either, but the peasant swept her up in their charge and managed to wrestle the King off of his throne. Queen Lily was delicately removed from her seat. In the King's stead, young Amethyst was placed, and the heavy crown was placed on Amethyst's head. It was encrusted with all sorts of jewels, from diamonds to emeralds and opals to pearls and rubies to sapphires. The ballroom was positively ringing with the civilian's call.

"All hail King Amethyst! Long live the King!" They cried, and Amethyst stifled an exasperated sigh.

The next day she had the former King and Queen exiled to some deserted island, where they were never rescued from. She kept Colin around for a little while, but soon tired of his stupidity and had him exiled to another island, just after he and Regina had wed. He actually spent the rest of his life in bliss, living alone with the woman he loved, but Regina quickly found him to be a dullard and annoying at that, and was forced to put up with him for the rest of her natural life.

King Amethyst found that ruling a Kingdom was an absolute bore, and resorted to the same method of entertainment as her father. Much of the Kingdom's riches were spent towards her own amusement in immense astronomies and other such things, so that not seven years after she ascended to the throne, the peasants revolted once more and wrested the crown from her possession. She receded into the woods and became a recluse, spawning many local legends.

The peasants seized a traveling gypsy and forced the poor woman to become King. She actually managed the Kingdom relatively well, but to the shame of the land, the rulers following her and for a long time afterwards were all women with the title of King. There was even a complicated issue of Queen, when one King decided to wed herself to a neighboring Kingdom's Prince to ensure peace on the borders, but the issue was resolved when the Prince refused to marry and become a Queen.

For years and years afterward, Endland was plagued with restless, drunken peasants and strange rulers, until one fateful day, and earthquake plagued the land and broke it off into the sea. The odd land and it's inhabitants were never to be seen again, though some present day scientists speculate its existence to be one of the most advanced of its day. A select few even believe it will once more rise from the ocean floor and terrorize the world. However, that probably won't happen.