Hypocrite

I wake up to a world
That I hate to live in,
Then tell other people
Never to give in,
Wanting to take
My own advice,
But secretly holding
So many a vice.
"Never lie,"
I always say,
While lying bluntly;
I say I'm okay,
When I'm feeling so much pain.

I'm just a hypocrite,
Flaunting all my so-called wisdom,
Telling people what to do,
Not expecting the cataclysm
That's bound to happen
The more I lie,
The more feelings I hide
From others' eyes--
"They'll find out,
Wait and see!"
I hear the warnings
Inside of me,
But somehow I don't wane.

"Keep smiling!"
I always say,
But every time
They walk away,
I cry tears of blood,
Searing eyes and flesh,
Suffering each day;
The pain is never less.
I'm just a hypocrite,
Demanding happiness
From other people, who never asked
Any more or less
Of this hypocrite, so ashamed.

Author's Notes: I always have so much guilt about this...so I wrote about it. I often tell people to try not to be sad or depressed (as many of you probably have seen), but the truth is I hide just as much (if not sometimes more) pain than they do. I don't feel I can fight mine, either, and it makes me feel like a hypocrite because I can't find it in me to practice what I preach.
Oh, and by the way, the reason the subtitle is in the title field, but not in the document is that I wanted to show that the words "I always say" were part of a "theme"--it wasn't originally part of the title. I'd rather sound like I have an ongoing theme than sound like I repeat the same thing over and over meaninglessly (sometimes it's good, however). You know what I mean?
Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. If you had any thoughts or feelings about it, do be sure to tell me about it if you'd like. ^_^ Your time reading my work is highly appreciated! Domo arigato! Gozaimasu! ~MJ
Date of Composition: Nights of April 22 & 23, 2002