She dreamed of Ethan that night, while in her own bed at the boarding house. In her dream she saw him as she first met him, a fifteen-year-old boy who looked almost like a college student. He was sitting where he always belonged, behind a drum set. He was looking at her expectantly, as if asking for something. Scenes came faster afterwards. The memory of him looking completely relaxed, at the back room, joking around with Dom about his 'new conquest' when he introduced her to everybody. When he held her as she cried, after Parker took her virginity away. She's seen him furious at prom, mad that he was unravelling in front of everybody's eyes. Parker taunting him, about his worthless faster, his mother living in a gilded prison…These were memories she was unable to recall when she was awake, and probably brought on by their farewell that afternoon.

Felicity woke with his name burning on her tongue, and couldn't sleep afterwards. She tossed and turned, unable to get a pair of green eyes out of her mind. She never told Dominic about that night, and kept it to herself, because she doubted she could stand another span of silence, even with desirable results in the end.

The last she had heard, Cecilia went back to New York City, to her dance school. Eve moved in with Mikhail, and he bought an apartment near the college. She never talked to Eve anymore, because Mikhail was a constant presence in her life, and Felicity felt uncomfortable around him. Stevers and Mags set a wedding date for spring in two years, and Trent was going to be best man.

"I would have all of you as best man, but the in-laws don't like that." He had told Dominic.

Ethan was silent, with no communication from a thousand miles away, and Felicity hoped he was ok, wherever he was.

Dominic and Felicity had decided on the University of British Columbia, not Queens, like they had originally planned. Felicity knew that she wanted a change. She wanted to experience life in the city instead of a small town like Kingston. She refused to be sheltered and protected anymore. Dominic had agreed, and they had sent off applications to the university, receiving notice back that they were to move there early January. The two months passed by too fast. It was the most relaxing time in her life, learning to control every aspect of her self again, having a job to direct her attention to. It took a little out of the loneliness, that nobody was as close as they used to be.

Finally, the time was here.

It was her last day at home.

Felicity held onto a box, examining the posters on her wall critically. She had to decide what she wanted to take with her. She packed a few books in with the black Actions Ignored book carefully in the middle. The pictures on her dresser were wrapped in tissue paper, and slipped amongst her clothes to avoid any breaking of the glass.

When she had dragged it on for as long as she could, she had to make her way downstairs, where her parents stood outside to see her off. She watched them from the door for a moment, when they were unaware of her eyes on them.

When did his hair get so grey? She wondered, when did mom get even older? It had all slipped out of her hands, and Felicity was sorry she didn't take enough time to talk to her parents. They still trusted her, knew that she had to be free to go on and get over what had happened. They were supportive, and stood by her every step of the way. Now it was time to grow up.

Felicity hugged them tight, saying yet another goodbye.

Before Parker, she had nothing to cry about. She had control back then; tears were hidden for the privacy of her own room. Her control was eaten away by the rape, her defences slow to return. Sometimes, ghosts of before came back when strangers touched her to get her attention. Shadows of the past never fully let go of a person.

Dominic helped her with luggage and spoke to her parents about how they would reach them after they got to their destination. Felicity was half fearful that her father would say things that would dig into their relationship, but there was nothing on their faces to show that something drastic had been said. The goodbye she had experienced earlier with the Ferguson was just as strained, and she guessed everything that had happened hung over them also.

When they began to drive towards the college, Felicity was mentally exhausted and quiet. It had all begun to hit her. She was starting her future with the man she loved. He had her complete trust, but what was to say that he wouldn't change his mind? Doubts gnawed away at her frazzled senses.

"Nervous?" He had asked after they spent a few hours driving with only a handful of exchanged words.

"Yes," She answered shortly, before staring out the window.

The plan was for both of them to get a science degree, with Dominic also double majoring in education. Felicity would see, at the end of her four years, where she would go from there. Dominic rarely spoke about the future, taking his time with her, allowing her to make her own decisions. She knew that it might be girlish fantasy for a romantic proposal, but he never said anything about marriage, and the stress of the day began to wear on her.

It was when they hit the second day, after a night in a motel, when it grew unbearable. Dominic found her staring out at the road in the early morning, sitting on a picnic table. She felt utterly lost and alone in the world.

"You're so quiet," He stated, sitting down on the surface of the table beside her.

"I know," She nodded. And I can't explain it.

"What's wrong?" She only looked away, unable to find the words.

She knew he was growing frustrated, and she could almost feel the pull of the distance between them.

"This is ridiculous, Fel," He sighed, "Why won't you tell me what's going on? You've been distant this entire week." He touched her arm.

"You don't understand," The force of her tone surprised even her. Dominic pulled away then, getting off the table to stand on the grass.

"How can I if you don't explain it to me?"

Felicity knew that it was the perfect beginnings for an argument. She even wanted the argument, just to let out some pent up frustration. It would be unfair to him, and she suppressed that feeling and forced herself to look at him.

"I'm worried about…us," She started hesitantly.

"Us?"

"I'm worried about what will happen when we get to university. How things change. Eve has proven that, hasn't she?"

She felt the weight of his gaze on hers as he thought over what she said.

"Is that all?"

Felicity's irritation grew, and then broke when he started to laugh. It was hard to mad at him when he was laughing, when the expression of emotion made him seem like he was not carrying the weight of the world, even for a moment. He stopped laughing after a while and grew serious.

"Are you the one that's not sure?" He asked, "Do you want a change?" He appeared worried then.

"No," She said, "I'm afraid that you will want change." She realized that that was the root of the problem. Seeing so many people shift drastically was too much for her, she couldn't accept that this was going to stay the way it was for a while.

"Why? Don't you know me?" He said gently, "Look at me, Fel." She felt her hands being taken by his, and his eyes were as clear as a summer's day.

"I am never, ever going to let you go," He continued, "I want to spend my entire life and a day with you. I am going to marry you, and have a thousand kids and grandkids, and I will try my best to never let you cry again."

She smiled then.

If he said them, the words were as good as them being signed in blood, a promise that he will remember all his life. A broken promise was unthinkable.

"What is there to be scared of?" He asked, "We have everything we need."

"You're always so right," Her tone sounded like a half grumble, but he knew her better than that.

When he got down on one knee, she felt her hands tremble slightly. He looked at her…and proposed to her underneath a winter's sky that was foreshadowing snow.

What other answer was there?

"Yes," She said, "A billion times yes."

He pulled her to him then, and lifted her up as if she weighed nothing.

"Dominic!" She shrieked as he spun her around.

For an instant, she thought back to one of her favourite days. A field, the heavy smell of barley, and a maze of tall stalks higher than six feet. Felicity felt herself accepting this life, the small town existence that was part of her. She was going to accept new challenges, and knew they were what she had wanted all along. The feeling she thought she had lost came back briefly. It had appeared once, when she found the music of the band. It surrounded her now, filled the emptiness.

They were close enough to being alone here, a gas station to the side, and a diner across the street. A family had passed them a while back, gave them a few odd looks, but left them alone. When her feet landed on the ground once again, she knew the feeling returned because he was her safe harbour, her security. And there could never again be another. A car backfired down the street and she didn't even flinch. She used to start at that noise a month ago. She was too caught in the moment, too fascinated by the hint of what was to come in the depths of those eyes.

When he kissed her, everything else fell away, and there was only the two of them, along with a promise she made one summer day in the midst of fields of gold.

--The End--
Dedications and other tidbits in next part.