Tears - Krissy Ishida

Right now I feel like crying..
crying my heart out

But I can't

It's a sign of weakness, my weakness
Why must I cry so much?
Why do I feel empty and misunderstood?
Why can't anybody understand why I act the way I am?

I have no voice.
I can barely speak

so..

I cry

I cry in order to express the emotions I cannot speak.

I'm a failure.
I fail in many ways.
I fail as a daughter.
I fail as a student.
I fail as a person.
I'm nothing but a waste of time.
Why bother with me?

I have no self-confidence.
I can prove it with the comments given by my teachers.
I isolate myself from the world.
I have to...

or...

..else I cry.

Is there anybody out there to understand me?
Is there anybody out there to make me feel no longer alone?

No..

Why?

Because I'm so self centered and insecure...
pushing away the people that might help me...

I do what I can only do.

I make a different personalities for myself,
who I want to be viewed as by certain people.

prefect, child-ish, carefree, easy-going, rebellious, bitch, anything you view me as..I'm not really her..

I was given a name...

but I rarely use it...

Call me whatever you want to call me..
I'm not used to getting attention anyway..

I'm quiet. I'm silent. I only bring hardships and tears.

The only place where I can just be me is through my writings, my dreams, my fantasy..

sometimes I believe I'm not really real..

sometimes I believe I have a mental problem and I'm broken beyond repair..

sometimes I believe, the world would be better if I was dead..

Don't cry for me..please don't..I don't want to cause you tears..just let me do all the crying, okay?