Pandemonium
The Circle

Dark and gloomy midnight
Demons run around me
Dancing in a circle
of the faces I can see
every day and night
every night and day
I wish there was a way
just to make them go away
My personal inferno
imps and hounds abound
dancing in the fire
dancing in the fire
spark the flames of hate
strike the chord of fate
wander, wander
mysterious one
chant a hypnotizing note
let me dance into the haze
wanting to watch blankly as
reality fades away
reality fades away
fantasy, prophecy,
dreams dreams dreams
fall into the pit,
it makes me want to scream
i want to make you scream
pain, pain,
hurt
strife
give me up,
I don't want to fight
watch you with a
lusty stare
laughing, loving
can't compare
Angels call for help
this night
You're one of them, but
I'll spare you
Because I love you? No
I'm tired of that,
It makes me wan and weary
Because I hate you? No
I hate everything,
So you're no different then.
Because I want you? No
why would I
when I've suffered by the cross
I'm bitter, and I
spare you
because it is destiny,
The strings of fate
hath struck again
the chord of immortality
This feeling will last
forever, but not
the pure, clean white
of your wings.
Nor that of your
smile nor that
stray hint of
beard that glows
like the embers of
this sacrificial flame
undying. O mortal
sin! Never shall
my horns burn
black, but never
shall they be white—my
innocence is shattered
and I dance
with the demons
you spawned within me.
I revel in their hatred
I rejoice in their jewel-
laden goblets of sweet red wine
I drink in my
loathing of you.
Can't start a fire
without fuel,
but you'll serve
well for that or at
least your fear and
misery will when the
rest of your winged
golden angel-friends
slowly stew in the
magmatic depths of
my wicked mind.
Can't start a fire
without oxygen
breathe
hard and deep
and needing
me to take it from you,
whispering your accursed name
into the crying red winds
of blood.
Can't start a fire
without heat
oh, but yours will do,
and mine
together like they
once might've been
Fuel heat oxygen
breathe
desire every waking moment
the one thing you can't have
and maybe then
I'll feel redeemed
and I would jump into hell with you
head first
through the pit in the circle
of dancing demons
meld lust back again into love
and ascend to heaven
where you'll never feel pain
again...

Bright and sunny morning
Demons just a dream
Angels dance and sing on high
I need you more, it seems...

Author's Ramble (err...Notes): I know what you're thinking. "Whoa." LOL yes, this is quite out of character for me, but I was in a pretty bad mood when I wrote it. This poem came after Saturday late-night cartoons, and I just let my thoughts flow onto paper. Dark, crimson, bloody, sacrilegious thoughts, yes, but those are the images that came to my mind. I also tried to connect those images and emotional descriptions together to make some sense—my thoughts are often erratic and incoherent, so I made some effort to put them together. In fact, I did so in a way that the end would connect with the beginning to make a sort of "circle" (hence the title), which can also pertain to the ring of dancing demons I was talking about. The dreaded dual-meaning title again! *scream* ^_~
While I did let my dark little muse take over in order to write this poem, I have noticed a few things that seem to figure up—these images, many times, can be considered metaphors for the bad, mean things that I've been feeling about my whole situation. Also, I've been playing Heroes of Might and Magic III on my computer lately, and the inferno and the demon creature ideas probably come from that—I've been playing the Inferno towns, and my Heroes are Demoniacs and Heretics...so...you see where that comes from.
Also, more about the title: besides that "the circle" means two things, I called it "Pandemonium" because that's the name of Satan's palace in John Milton's Paradise Lost, and that's where the word comes from. Besides that...isn't it an awesome word!? LOL...sorry. ^_^;
If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask in a review and/or an e-mail!! Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it!! ~MJ
Date of Composition: Approx. 1:00 a.m., May 26, 2002