"The Time Is Now"
As I lay there
With that knife in my hands
I let my mind wander
Let myself ponder
Did making myself bleed
Make you not leave?
Did screaming my head off please
Make you even be there for me?
No matter how hard I cry
Or wish I were dead
I will never be the same again
I will never truly love someone
Like a friend
I've been scorned
I've been burned
As of now I wish I weren't born
Everything makes it so hard for me
Everyone takes with them a part of me
I wish I could finally be
In a place where I couldn't see your face
Or mine
I want to exist
Want to be with
A spirit so free
That it could free mine!
I just want to get away
From the mindless zombies
The soulless androids
That we call people
I want to never be touched
Never be hurt
I just want to see me
Pull me out of the dirt
A new day is coming
A new me to follow
Yet all I can simply do
Is just hope I don't crumble
Under pressure
Under hate
Under sadness
Over fate
I jump hurdles constantly
Looking for someone who can relate
My mind is a bomb
Soon it'll go off
I'm ticking and ticking
Before you know it I'll blow
These words simply can't explain
The way you make me feel
These words won't even explain
All the feelings inside I feel
I'm at a mental war constantly
Never looking back or regretting
But I fight inside myself
Over going or staying
It's hard every morning
To make it out of bed
When all you can hear
Is voices screaming in your head
It's hard to wake up
When you don't want to face
The problems you face everyday
One day might be different
But after that it will never change
So I fall on my knees
And scream my head off please
And I beg of you crying
Hoping to God you won't leave
Praying in my heart I won't have to bleed
And I simply drop that knife
And look in the mirror
A smile forms on my face
And I won't let anyone near
I know the time is now
To show what I've become
So I bash my head on the wall
And laugh as the pieces start to fall
I turn to face the world
With my new mask and emotional sword
My emotions are flaring
I've calmed my mental war
Now I'm only daring
For everyone to look me in the eyes
The eyes that bleed
The eyes that speak
My eyes are glass
My breath is weak
I'm cutting the oxygen off
I'm only helping myself
I scream as the tears fall
And place this book on the shelf
I've finished writing
This chapter of my life
Now I'll be waiting
For the return of this knife
This time I'll be ready
I won't go through Hell
I'll simply bare my teeth and take it
I'll take the lashings as well
As the pain is getting boring
My mind starts to dwell
No longer will I be bleeding
No longer will I yell
My tears have been beaten
My emotions taken
Now all that'll be left of me
Is this mask I wear
And I'll always hide
Always hide behind my wall
Now no one will decide
What I do, and how as well
I'll simply go out screaming
You won't take me that easy
I'll put my fists up and fight
I won't ever surrender
You know that's right
Now I'll go, run
And hide, out of sight...
I've simply been waiting
For the right time to show
And as time starts to slow
I pick up the pieces
And watch them grow
I won't crack this time
But who knows what's next
I'll just sit back and watch
While I scratch away the pieces of your heart
The time is now
It has begun
Know now, you have never won
This match isn't finished
This fight not done
The time will arrive again
And I will win, slim to none
I'm fighting a war with myself
Inside my head
My patience has slowly
Gone dead.