Insomnia

Ahh, what is better after a strenuous day than a good sleep?

The bed is soft, the sweet drowsiness fills my inners…

KABOOM!

I jump from the middle of the bedsheets and glance around in terror

Did they start a nuclear war?

KABOOM! BOOM BOMM BONK!

Oh, no… it was only the intermezzo of the wonderful hard-metal roar coming from the neighbour apartment

So they decided to keep a party this night, huh?

I put the pillow over my head and try to dive into the calm waters of sleep…

BONK BONK BONK BOOM CLANK IOUUURRRR SQUARRRRR GRUMMM…

Ah, what a musical experience…

The walls shake

Oh, they turned to play hip-hop?

YO, MAN! BONK BONK! YO! ROCK THA HOUSE; CLANK BLONK!

And I decide to answer

Isn't classical music always soothing?

100 decibels of Beethoven's fifth symphony from my amplifiers

TA-TA-TA-BOOM… TA-TA-TA-BOOMM!

Calms down the atmosphere

As the scared guests of my lovely neighbour rush with lightspeed towards Timbuktu

Ahh, now I can sleep! The lovely slumber is filling me soon…

Unless…

A leaking faucet.

Tip… tip… blib… blip… tip… blib…

Oh, craters… where is my monkey-wrench?

So, in the middle of the night I can be a plumber?

Quick education.

And finally the water tap shuts up! Whew!

Ahh, the warm bed…

Tweet tweet squirrr blirb chirp tweet!

What was that? I rise up being heavily startled…

Chirp tvwweet blurb tiw-taw tyyyiiit!

The birds. THE BIRDS! Aargh!

They have started the morning concerto

Tens of them happily chanting in the tree under my window

Ah the wonders of nature!

And I was supposed to sleep, wasn't I?

Luckily there is an old shoe in the lobby

I open the window and throw it right towards the tree

Bouncing back from the trunk it hits me

And the little glorious creatures continue the opera

Tuiit squiik wiiik uiiik uaa!

I take my toolbox

Ah, I'm an engineer, am I not?

I smile evilly as I solder the metal

Ahh, my greatest invention!

A mechanical cat to dispossess the birds!

So I let it out and ka-zam, my brilliant machine has scared them all the way to Antarctica

I collapse into my bed

As the friendly morning sun casts its rays above the houses…

BLONK!

What was that?

Oh, the morning post…

Ahh, and finally… I close my eyes, put my head on the pillow… completely silent, everywhere… ahh…

Ta-ta-ta-taatta-taa-taatta-taa…

NOW WHAT?

The mobile phone. Waking me up to Imperial March. Some earlybird calls?

And there the voice of a friend chirps, "Rise and shine, you lazy! Remember we were gonna go early to gym today?"

And later that day the headlines scream…

A dangerous psychopath has been arrested. Has been forcibly trying to feed an innocent citizen with old shoes, loose water taps and cellular phones. The victim says, "And I only wanted her to come to the gym with me!"

The prison is silent

And there is a bed…

sleep…

sleep…

ahh…

Snork.