Lost

A/N: Told from the view of the main character. This is REALLY the last installment of this story as I'm afraid that if I carry on, it'll suck. One question for all of you nice people reading, is my story confusing? (As I never used names)

            What have I done? How could I have forgotten about you? How could I have hurt you after all that I have promised you? How could I? How am I going to live with myself knowing that you died for me? FOR ME! ME! The person who LEFT you, HURT you, BETRAYED you… killed you…

            But am I really the cause of it? I mean the last thing on Earth that I think you would do is commit suicide… you were such a positive person. You were always on top of the world or near there. You made me smile and laugh… you made me do things that I never thought that I could do… you made me put the blade away, you made me believe in myself, you made me believe that people really cared for me…

            And I killed you…

            Do you know how much shock, pain and confused emotions rushed to my head when I saw you lying on my bed? You were not moving… nor breathing… the white sheets were stained with your blood. I ran to you… but you were long gone… then I saw that blade… my blade… I should've gotten rid of that thing when I could've… but it's hard! It's hard for a cutter to just let go of their blade! to them, it's their most prized possession! And that blade is mine!

            I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said that… I've broken another promise… or should I say revealed another lie? I promised you that you were number one in my life… nothing and no one can take your place… and here I am saying that the blade is the most important thing in my life after you're gone… after only a few hours after your funeral…

            Your parents knew nothing about us. Of course, that made perfect sense… you were their perfect daughter. Excellent in studies, great in sports, always cheerful never down, respected your parents, a volunteer at the shelter… maybe you just wanted to make them happy by giving them what they want: a perfect daughter. You knew they'd be crushed if they found out their lil' darling daughter is gay…

            You were always thinking of others… you put everyone, even your enemies, ahead of you… I bet that you killed yourself thinking that I would be better off without you since I've already decided to choose her… I bet you wished me happiness before you sliced your wrists open… before your blood soaked into the bed sheets… before Death took you into his shadows…

            You must really love me… and I didn't love you back…

            Tell me what to do! I don't know what to think anymore! It's all very hard for me! I loved you! I really do! It's just that… I couldn't love you as much as you loved me! I didn't deserve you! That's why I said sorry! That's why! Not because I wanted you to kill yourself thinking that you are a failure!

            I can't take this anymore… I can't…

            Help me…

            I'm…

            Lost…

THE END (FOR REAL THIS TIME)