I can't even think about you without crying or getting very angry. Our relationship has destroyed and damaged me greatly. Because of the strain between us I think that the people I love will always hurt me, because you do. I now associate pain and tears and feeling unwanted with love, thinking that's what's normal. You never make me feel like you love me, or are proud of me. I'm going to University and working for a degree but that still isn't good enough for you. You never say that I did a good job. You just say 'is that all you're doing?' Why aren't you proud of me? Why can I never feel like I do anything right for you? Am I really that much of a disappointment? What did I do wrong? Why can't you love me? If my own father doesn't love me how could I think anyone else would? You've given me issues about my self worth and made me wish I were dead. And made me afraid.
I don't even know the man who helped bring me into this world. I don't know anything about you. Why couldn't you be more than a sperm donor in my life? You've never taken an interest in me. Seeing how you are with me, makes me scared when I have children. I don't want my girl or boy to have to feel what I feel with their father. Or with me because of how you've ruined me. And when I get married, who's gonna give me away? You already gave me up and gave up on me. I'm not going to have the picture perfect wedding photo with my proud parents next to me. You've robbed me or so much and I fight everyday not to let you win. I am worthy. I can be loved and there's reason for people to be proud of me.
I am a smart girl, but I still do the stupidest thing. I still fight for your approval. You left me and don't deserve to have me spend the time working for your approval. But I still have the desire to be daddy's little girl, even though daddy never wanted her.
The Daughter You'll Never Know.