POW-Prisoner of War New Beginnings 1- Spanx

It's true that I've been through a lot of stuff in my life, what with being kidnapped by the race that birthed my dear mortal enemy, and being a vampire can always spice up any occasion.

All of the POW's had gotten together at Ah Kum and Bishounen's house for a reunion. Everyone sort of enjoyed the interlude the prince of morons and I had, but I didn't have enough time to berate them, because everything went black all around me.

I was warm in my unconscious state, like being under a heated blanket. Had I known the reason for this, I would have tried my very hardest to kill myself in my sleep, so as not to wake up to the horror I did.

As I slowly found myself brought back into the land of consciousness, I realized that my back was in a considerable amount of pain. I also found that the ground beneath me was steel, and very cold. So, where had that warmth come from?

I heard a sound to my right and sleepily glanced over to look straight into the eyes of Bishounen.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" we both screamed, immediately jumping away from each other and using our own methods to disinfect ourselves.

Gods, I hate him.

I gave myself a few moments to resume my calm.

Then, standing up, I marched over toward the baka and whacked him across the back of the head.

"YOU LOSER!!! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT?? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??" I surprised myself by letting him off easy.

He sniveled and lowered his head. "Gomen nasai, Spanx-san. I didn't mean to cuddle you," he apologized pathetically.

"Never mind that," I said, feeling a headache coming on. "Where's Ichigo??" I grabbed the hokori by the collar. "What have you done with my Ichigo??"

He brushed my hand away. "I think that I should be asking you what you have done with my Ah Kum!"

"Oh-kay, look, it's evident that neither of us did anything, so why don't we just calm down and think-no wait." I paused and smirked at him. "I'll think, you can spaz out."

"I do not spaz out!" he whined.

I blew him a raspberry, and left it at that, not caring what his next action was.

I got my laptop out of my satchel and turned it on. I tried to get my bearings, but found it difficult to interpret any of the symbols I was looking at.

"Bishounen," I gruffly said, "I don't know where we are."

"You don't?" he asked, panicking. "We're gonna die!!! I'm too pretty and handsome and happy to die!!!"

"Oh, puh-lease," I retaliated, with a roll of my eyes. "If anyone should worry about conserving their beauty, it's me."

"Oh, yeah?" He seemed to be thinking for a moment. "Well, you couldn't win a beauty contest if you were the only contestant!"

"Really? Well you would be the one to scare all the other contestants away," I shot back, without having to think. Dealing with him all this time has given me quick verbal reflexes.

"Well, that's only because they'd rather come to see me than stick around with you."

"Oh-kay, look, as much as I love arguing and helping you make an idiot of yourself, we need to stop," I told him, trying to make a temporary peace.

"I'm hungry. Where's Ichigo?"

I took the liberty of bopping him on the head again.

"Why me???"


I had taken to slowly downloading files to translate the foreign symbols on my computer screen, while Bishounen, knees tucked to his chest, rocked back and forth in the corner, humming some extremely annoying tune.

"Would you stop that??" I blurted after listening to it for a good fifteen minutes. "I'm trying to concentrate here!"

"But.but I'm lonely!!" he wailed.

"Well, go make friends with the ceiling," I said, coldly. I didn't need this.

"Gee, you'd think that after all these years, you would at least be a little nice to me," he pointed out.

"Well, guess what." I never lifted my eyes from my computer screen, watching the file transfer continue.



That won me a good six minutes of silence. But six minutes was obviously enough punishment in his view.

"Spanx-san, which do you think came first: the chicken or the egg?" he wondered.

"The omelet, now please be quiet."

This time I was rewarded with a mere thirteen second silence.

"Spanx-san, I thought you hated omelets."

"Not if Ichigo fixes them."

"Oh, that's right. Yeah.he makes everything taste good."

I hoped that his muse would keep him busy for the next three or four minutes while the last of the files were downloaded to my hard drive.

Alas, I am as misfortunate as Friday the thirteenth.

"Spanx-san, my back hurts."

"What do you want me to do about it, Bishounen?" I demanded, irritably.

"Massage it?"

"Not if my life depended on it."

"What if my life depended on it?" he asked, pressingly.


"I think that you should learn to control your temper."

"Well, I think that you should learn to SHUT UP!!!"

"You need help."

"You need to be in kindergarten."

"Well, you need help from a professional."

I sighed. What could I say to such an idiotic comeback?

"Just hang on for five more minutes, and I'll get us out of here," I said, aggravated.

"But, Spanx-san!"

I ignored it. I had to. The symbols on my laptop screen were slowly being converted into words and letters that I knew.

I read off what I saw. "Coordinates: 319 degrees north-northeast of original location." I fell to my knees. "But, that's impossible."

"So, what, who cares?" Bishounen grumbled, senselessly. "Just do the thing you do where you get us out of trouble, and you'll bother me no more."

"WERE YOU BORN AN IDIOT, OR DID YOU DEVELOP THE SKILLS???" I shrieked, tempted to crash my computer over his head, hoping to knock sense into him somehow. "I can't just snap my fingers and make everything perfect, you know. I'm not a magician."

"Yes, but, you could just do the part where you figure out where to go, and- we go!" he said, enthusiastically.

"But I don't KNOW where we are!! The coordinates are in 100,000 miles! I have never gotten past a .145!! We're at three hundred nineteen!!!" I snapped back at him.

"What does that mean, Spanx-san?" he asked, quietly.

"It means.we're no longer on earth."


"This is all your fault, you know," Bishounen said to me. It was half an hour later, and he was still complaining. "If you hadn't.um.well, anyway, it's your fault."

"If you can't think of a reason, then I can't think of a reason not to bash your skull in," I threatened, stuffing my computer back into my bag.

"It's your fault, because it can't possibly be my fault!" he retorted, believing that this sufficed as a good answer.

"Oh, really, and why can't it be your fault?" I asked, standing up, and shoving my back over my shoulder.

"Because I am a prince!" he exclaimed. Striking a pose, he shouted, "The hokori-jin no ouji!!!!"

"Right, well excuse me, 'your highness,' but we commoners value our lives, and so I'm getting out of here, with or without you!"

Slowly, I began to feel around for an exit from the sphere we were in. I made a complete circle back around to the same spot, finding nothing!

"There has to be a way out!!" I cried.

"Or, maybe you're just losing your mind?" Bishounen suggested.

"Or maybe you're just losing your mind," I mocked. "If I'm losing my mind, then what are you doing here?"

"Maybe I don't really exist." he said, thoughtfully. "Maybe everything in our world is just a mysterious fantasy that your poor, insane peasant mind came up with."

I whacked him for that one. "Do you mind?? We're kind of in a predicament here. Any small amount of brainpower you can contribute would be happily accepted!"

"I know!! I've got it! The one sure-fire plan to get us out of here and back home!" he shrieked, greedily rubbing his hands together.

"And the plan is?" I prompted.

"We think of a plan!!"


"Brilliant, huh?"




"Since I obviously have no help doing this, I ask that you would please SHUT UP!!!" I yelled.

"My lips are zipped," he promised.


I thought for a moment. If there were no doors, then how did we get in here? Our captors might have used some kind of molecular transferring device to break our bodies down so that we could travel through walls, and thus-

"Spanx-san! I'm bored."


Or, maybe they built the globe around us while we were unconscious. Ooh.if I found out who is responsible for laying me on that oaf, I'll-

"Look! I can make shadow puppets!"

"WHY YOU-waitaminute.lights.there have to be lights for shadow puppets.but, I don't see any-" I looked straight above me. The sphere had a large opening, big enough for both Bishounen and myself to fit through. We must have been dropped in. That would explain our backs hurting. "Bishounen, I hate to say this, but until someone decides to come and get us out of here, we're stuck."

"But, my tan!! I finally had it how I wanted it!! I'll melt under this artificial light!" he whined, indicating his darkened skin. An improvement from his paper-white skin from before, I must say.


He sighed. "I miss Bishounen Jr."

I winced at that, realizing something. I lowered my head and stared at the floor. "I miss Allie and Alan."

Bishounen nodded in understanding. "It's oh-kay. We'll get back home, just like before."

"I hope you're right."


Hours of insane dialect and annoyance later.

A hidden panel in the wall slid open all of a sudden. Bishounen shrieked in fear and cowered behind me, shaking.

"Hello!" a voice said, a bit too slowly as if we were animals and wouldn't understand if he went too fast. "My. Name. Is. Kame."

"And, I am Bishounen, the hokori-jin no ouji," the baka dictated, with a little bow.

"Woah!" Kame exclaimed. "You can talk??"

I facefaulted and Bishounen looked at him with his idiot face.

"We wanted to run some tests on you down in the lab," he told us.

"Waitaminute!!" I interjected. "Where are we?? Who are you?? Why did you bring us here??" If I had to be stuck with Bishounen in a foreign place, I wasn't going to be uninformed.

"Uhhh." Kame thought for a minute. "You are in Space Station #1178 in Space Quadrant Spheros. I am Kame, top scientist of this station. We brought you here for homo-sapien research."

"We're.you're.alien.ohhhh." This was obviously too much for Bishounen, so he fainted.

"Oh, good," the scientist chuckled, "that'll save me an anesthetic."

I was, of course, not amused.

"Look, Doctor," I said, plainly, "I'm not a human. Neither is Bishounen."

"Really? Interesting." Kame mused. "Non-humans on a human planet? I must study this thoroughly."

I sweatdropped. Just great.


I sat in a chair, Bishounen at my feet, still dazed from the shock of finding out that we were really in outer space. I suppose he didn't believe me when I told him.

I kicked him, in an attempt to wake him up.

"Bishounen." I stared at him. "Bishounen." Suddenly, I got an idea. "Hey, idiot!!"

"Huh??" he wondered, sitting up.

I knew it would work.

"Have a nice nap?" I mocked.

"Oh, yes, it was quite good," he replied, obviously not sensing the insult. "So, where are we again?"

"Outer space."

"Oh, that's right.NO!!!!!" he cried.

"Would you grow up??" I yelled, wishing I had a frying pan to hit him with.

"NO! It's too horrible!" Bishounen wailed.

"Well there's nothing I can do about it!!" I shrieked.

"Don't yell at me!" he whined.

"Gah!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "Fine! Just do me a favor and don't ever talk to me again!!"

He crossed his arms and turned away from me, huffily.

I was about to make a biting comment to berate him when the doors flew open and the doctor stepped in.

"Ah, good," he said, cheerily. "You're both still alive. That's a good sign." He marked something on a clipboard. "Now, who's first?"

Simultaneously, we pointed at each other.

Kame sweatdropped. "How about you?" he asked of Bishounen. "What did you say you were again?"

He stood up and pointed to the ceiling, dramatically. "I-am the hokori-jin no ouji!!"

"Right. That's very nice." The doctor scribbled on his notepad. "If you would please hop up on this table?"

And, hop, he did.

"Oh-kay." Kame punched some buttons and flipped a couple of switches. "Now, lie back and relax."

"Why???" Bishounen asked, suddenly very nervous. "What are you gonna do??"

"Take a cat scan," was the reply.

"Oh, all right," Bishounen said, as if all was right in his world. He slowly laid back, then shot back up. "Will it hurt??"

"No," Kame assured him. "The procedure is completely painless."

"Oh-kay." Once again, the ouji laid down, only to sit up suddenly and hit his head on a bar that was overhanging the table. Giant waterfalls of tears spewed from his eyes. "You said it wouldn't hurt!!" he wailed.


I patted him on the shoulder. "We will get along well."


After about six tries (Bishounen moved during the act), the scan was complete and the hokori-jin in question had passed out on the floor.

Now, it was my turn.

I was laid onto the platform and taken into the scanner. It was over in no time at all. Frankly, I couldn't see why Bishounen was so freaked.

"I'll be back with the results in no time!" the doctor said to me, going into a different room.

I sighed and poked Bishounen with my toe.

"Wake up, you dummy," I said, drolly.

"My head.." He whined.

"Get over it. Actually try to use your mind for once and help me figure out a way out of here," I demanded.

He merely turned away from me, sullenly.

"What's your deal, oh, prince of the bakas?"

"You said never to speak to you again. So, I'm not," he decided.

"You remembered. I'm proud," I told him, sarcastically. "Seriously, we need to get out of here."

He stuck out his tongue at me.

"Fine, you jerk!" I yelled, hopping out of my chair. "I don't need you or your whining!"

He didn't say anything back.

So I sat back down.

There was silence for a few minutes.

"Look, I'm sorry I said that," I spat. "Now, grow up and help me out here!"

He didn't budge.

"Fine! I'll be sure to tell Ah Kum and B.JR that you send your love!"

I stood up, pried open a ventilation pipe and hopped in. I was completely sincere about leaving him behind.

Once I had tucked myself in a comfortable corner, I tried to get my bearings. My computer acted a bit slow, but eventually gave me the information I needed. The ship was approximately 2.5 kilometers long, and I was right in the middle. There were escape pods..

I paused, waiting, even hoping for an interruption, in vain.

Realizing the irony of the situation, I angrily began to type on my laptop, deciding to forget that annoying baka.

Although, I thought, derisively, he can be awfully sweet.no. I did NOT just think that.

I had more important things to worry about than that idiotic baka.

Like finding my way out of the spaceship.

And..filling my empty stomach.

So, continuing with my train of thought, the escape pods were located on either side of the ship. There was an equal distance between myself and each end of the ship, so I could pick which to go to. Finally, I decided it to be best to go the opposite direction of Bishounen.

So, I did.

I crawled around in the dark pipe-like structures for about ten minutes. I wasn't lost, though. Really, I wasn't. I knew exactly where I was. After all, I had memorized the map shown to me on my computer..oh-kay, so maybe I didn't.

And, so there I was, arguing with myself in Bishounen's absence.

No, I told myself. I do not miss him!!

Then, I began to think. What if that doctor was performing terrible experiments of him?? Or what if he tried to escape and ended up breaking his leg again? And I wouldn't be there to protect him-

What AM I thinking??

That was it. I was going back for him.


I crawled around in the darkness for several minutes, turning down different paths, not really knowing where I was headed. I would have checked with my source again, but it was much too dark to see my computer screen. Before, I had been in a cultivated light in the corner I was in, but now, I could barely see where I was planting my palms.

I would ram my head into the end of the pipe every now and then, and have to back up the way I came in.

And, of course, I couldn't help but think back to Bishounen's nervousness around darkness.


"Ah Kum!!!" Bishounen wailed. "I'm scared of the dark!! There could be monsters and bears and worms!!!"


My imagination brought up terrible images of monsters, bears, maybe not worms, but snakes, spiders, giant spiders with huge, slimy mouths, just waiting to trap me in their web and have me for dinner!! I had to get out of the dark, and quickly!!!

I crawled faster, faster, listening for any kind of sound to notify me of light or another's presence! I felt like a scared animal, caught in a trap!

Finally, I heard some noise coming from around a corner. I turned the corner, and there was light! I was so happy, I could've sat on the ground and cried!!

Really, I couldn't understand my behavior at all. It just wasn't me. Bishounen was probably stressing me too much lately.

I opened the ventilation covering and dropped down to the floor.

I gasped. "Bishounen??"