Disclaimer: All characters and situations in this story are my own creation. Do not use them without my express permission.
This fic pokes fun at many religious ideas, including those of wicca and christianity. I think both these religions are good religions, but my four years of Catholic high school have finally caught up with me, and this includes my four years of researching wicca as a potential life path.
If you are offended by this sort of material, please do not read it.
Please leave a review after each chapter listing one good point, and something I need to work on. I wish to become a better writer and you can all help. ^_^
This was not the first time that such a noise had greeted Yasuo. The young demon elf quickly apologized to the changing housematron and shut the bathroom door, his blush easily rivaling the red light filtering through the windows. It was not going to be a good day.
All in all, Hell really wasn't that bad a place to live. It was really just like every other part of Heaven, except for the constant forbidding presence of Satan. And the fact that everything was the color of blood. And that screams could constantly be heard echoing throughout the city. So yes, it really was just like the rest of Heaven… so long as you looked at the blueprints.
There was, actually, no reason for Hell to look as it did. Satan just up and changed the décor one day, commenting that it added the right atmosphere for the demons who worked and lived there.
Yasuo hadn't always lived in Hell. No, for the first 5 years of his existence he resided in the upper class section of Heaven with his father, Ganjou, and step-mother, Rose. Yasuo's father was an elf of the highest caste and his true mother, Aikan, descended of the noblest line of demons. The affair between these two had been passionate in the extreme but no one had expected the outcome. Not even the Fates who wrote out the lives of all who existed, save God itself. That a child should be created from the union of two such different creatures was an incredible shock… but one kept well secret for many years.
Once Yasuo was born, his mother did a very daring thing. Rose had, herself, recently given birth to a son, and this opportunity to give Yasuo a better life was too good for Aikan to pass up. She stole into the nursery of her lover's house and switched the babies with the help of the demon nursemaid. Being a high class elf, Rose had been thoroughly disgusted by the process of giving birth and had thusly refused to even look at her infant for the first few months of his life. So when she did finally deign to gaze upon the child, she knew nothing of the deception being played.
Therefore, Yasuo grew up a happy and kind child, pampered and well taught. Despite the fact that his every whim would have been catered to, he made very few demands. His was a truly gentle soul, though rather naïve at times, even for his tender age.
It was in his fifth year that his life turned upside down. The little bumps on his head, normally rendered invisible by his hair, began to grow larger. Then came the fateful day when his horns finally broke through and peeked their tips past the strands of his mane, proudly declaring themselves to the world. If they'd had arms they would have waved signs and set off fireworks. As it was, their presence was easily noticed and met with horrified dismay by all the highborn. For an elf of noble lineage to produce a demon was unheard of! Some of the lesser families had these less attractive beings counted among their members, but none had existed within the highborn for millennia. It was this occurrence that led to the discovery of Yasuo's true heritage.
The boy's true mother was immediately ordered to come and take her child and return the real son at once.
This was easier ordered and done than it staying done.
It turned out that Yasuo's half brother, Ranma, was a natural chaos demon, and had already started his schooling as such. The hellion broke anything he was allowed to touch… stoplights failed when he passed, car engines died, red socks ended up in the loads of white laundry. Satan was naturally loath to give up the child, but relented quickly when faced with the all powerful haughty gaze directed upon him.
Ranma was back in Hell within a week. Even his stubborn mother had to admit that he was a true demon and sent him back in a handbasket with a bright red bow artfully tied to the handle.
Yasuo's father then tried to get him back, arguing that a child brought up in Heaven should remain there. It was through this battle that Yasuo's history came to light. The news rocked all of heaven and harshly affected the Earth, causing earthquakes, El Niño, wars, and little Susie's labrador mix to run away from home.
The Fates were eventually called in to settle the dispute. Their judgment came swiftly. Yasuo was to remain in Hell and be trained as a demon ought to be. A second order came crashing down on the heels of the first, plummeting with the same force as the stock market after hearing of another bankruptcy. The young demonelf would be fostered to a girl's dorm and raised there.
The Fates themselves escorted him to his new home. Hell was prettier then, with fluffy white clouds and equally fluffy kittens chasing even fluffier and whiter butterflies or rolling in the smooth moon shaded grass. Yasuo stared in awe. Hell was much nicer than heaven.
The walkway leading to the dorm was paved with silver that rang lightly under his small feet. The young boy could not help but look around curiously. He poked the cloud ground with a toe, then poked a kitten, and finally a rose as white as the stars. The rose poked back, leaving Yasuo to suck sullenly on his bleeding finger. The Fates pulled him away from his explorations and the youngest quickly grabbed onto his hand.
"Come on! I get to show you to your room!"
He was dragged into the building, up a flight of stair, down an escalator, through two different invisible doors, back up the first flight of stairs and then deposited in a room with baby pink walls. Painted bunnies cavorted on the walls and the ceiling, leaping over one another, or chewing upon clover. Gravity finally took notice of one bunny and it fell off the ceiling and into Yasuo's lap. He cuddled the small multi-colored creature and looked around the room some more. He did this for several minutes before finally realizing that the Fates were no longer there. He sat very still on the bed, after putting the bunny back on the wall, and waited to see what would happen next.
A full hour of excruciating boredom later, the door to the room finally opened again. A young woman walked in, draped her towel across a chair and proceeded to admire herself in a mirror. Her gold-blonde hair cascaded down her back in water darkened waves, stopping mere millimeters from the small of her back. She turned around a few minutes later, providing poor young Yasuo with a full view of her beauty and a small nosebleed.
Then came the first of what was to be an all too common occurrence.