Author's Note: Hey guys! Guess what? I didn't die! *Frowns as everyone breaks out into heavy sobs* Those had better be tears of joy! Anyway, I have good news and bad news. I'll start with the bad. The bad news is that I'm moving so I may not write that much this summer because of all of the shtuff that I have to do. *Waits for the loud applause to die down* That had better have been a delayed reaction to what I first said! Anyway, the good news is that I won't be moving until the end of the summer so I should be able to write some shtuff! *Dead silence* What's wrong with you people? *Remembers that they have a delayed reaction to everything and walks away. Loud cheers erupt from the crowd*

The Good, the Bad, and the Mystical

Chapter 4: The Result of True Desperation

There is nothing as far as the eye can see. The air is still and there is complete and total silence. A tumbleweed drifts across the vast nothingness and random people in the audience begin to cough in a desperate act to break the silence. A chorus of crickets drowns out the rude coughing.

The disembodied voice silences the crickets and speaks out to the crowd, "Er, it seems we're having some minor difficulties. Sorry everyone."

A couple disgruntled people get up to leave.

"No! Wait!" The disembodied voice cries out desperately. "We would never want you to come just to leave. I know this is hardly a decent substitute for the Mystical Penguin. Such a thing doesn't exist. But, instead, we have for you another story! Do you remember Danny and Brittany from the 'I Am The Mystical Penguin' mishap?"

More people stand up and leave. Only a couple viewers are left, grinning foolishly.

The disembodied voice continues on, trying to be cheerful for the small crowd, "Ok, so now, for your reading pleasure…I have no idea what it's called but here it is!"

Hardly a Substitution

Recap: Danny saved Brittany from being shot by dodging out in front of her. They spoke a lot of nonsense and then they kissed. The excitement was hardly containable.

Brittany broke away from Danny. "No, we can't do this."

Danny frowned. "Why not?"

"Because you're dying, stupid."


"You should probably get some medical attention or something."

"It doesn't matter, as long as I'm here with you."

"You think I'm going to just sit here and watch you die?"

"Well, I have to lie here and watch you live!"

"That's stupid."

"You're such a brat! Fine! Go call an ambulance! Save my life! See if I care!" Danny turned his head and stared at the ground.

"Maybe I will!" Brittany stood up and started to leave but stopped when she heard Danny cry out.

"No! Don't!"

"You told me to leave!"

"I also told you that you were beautiful. Sometimes I just can't help but lie."

Brittany's jaw dropped. "You don't think I'm beautiful?"

"Well, uh…"

"What else have you told me that you didn't really mean?"

Danny sighed. "Do you remember your dog, Fluffy?"

Tears welled up in Brittany's eyes at the memory. "Yeah?"

Danny sighed…again. "Well, I lied when I told you that he fell down the drain."

"You mean to tell me that you weren't telling the truth when you said that he fell down the drain?!?"

"Um, yeah."

"How could you?" Brittany screamed as she picked up a nearby rock and hurled it at Danny's head. Luckily, she couldn't aim for beans and completely missed him.

"Hey! Watch it! I'm dying here!"

"I'm sorry. But how could you lie to me about Fluffy, like that?"

"Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy. It's always about Fluffy! Can't we ever talk about me? I'm the one about to kick the bucket!"

"Oh yeah. Say, you're taking an awfully long time…"

"Hey, you can't rush these things."

"Well, you need to hurry up because I have a hair appointment in…"

"I love you." Danny cut her off.

"…5 minutes." Brittany finished. "Wait, what?"

"I love you."

"I don't believe this."

"I've always loved you."

Brittany walked back over to Danny and knelt beside him. "I love you, too."

Brittany looked at Danny. Danny looked at Brittany. Brittany and Danny looked at each other. Then a particle of dust distracted Danny but afterwards they were looking at each other again.

Then Brittany's eyebrows knitted together. "Wait a minute. You're lying again, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah." Danny shrugged.

"You're such a jerk!" Brittany buried her face in her hands and wept bitterly.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for lying, I'm sorry for making you late to that hair appointment, and I'm sorry that you are really ugly. I'm sorry. I still want to be friends."

"You're dying. We'll only be friends for a little while."

"Yeah, I think the writer's going to finally finish me off in a minute or two."

"That doesn't give us much time."

"For what?"

"I don't know, don't they always say that in romances?"

"But we're not in love."

"Oh… yeah."

"Tell me, Brittany. Will you be my friend?"

"I hate your guts but, ok."

"Really? Just like that?"

"Sure. On one condition."

"What's that?"

"Stop bleeding on me, that's disgusting."

"Sorry, it's a bit out of my control." Danny sighed…for the 3rd time today. "Will you please just agree to be my friend?"

"Yes! Fine! I'm you're frickin' friend!"

Suddenly, Danny's body goes limp and heavy. His head rolls to one side and his eyes close.

Brittany stands up. "Well, that was a complete waste of time." She looks at her bloodstained pants. "And now I'll have to get these dry-cleaned!" She storms away.

Danny stirs. "Wait! I'm not dead yet!"

Brittany's eyes bug out. "This has gone on long enough!" She screams long and loud until the narrator agrees to end her misery. She dies.

Danny looks at her lifeless form. "Well, that was an odd twist of fate. I'm feeling better now." He gets up to a sitting position. "In fact, I think I can walk!" Danny stands up and begins to prance in circles. "I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive!"

The narrator decides to end his own misery.

The narrator dies.

Author's Note: Darn! Now I have to find a new narrator…again.