Courage

Slowly drawing breath
Heart pounding fast
The world is a blur around me
I'm afraid
I know I am afraid.
The unknown enemy creeps slowly through the brush
I can hear the rustling all around me
And I'm so terrified.
I don't really know why I'm afraid;
I don't even know who the enemy is…
I'm just crouching here, shaking in terror.
Why is it the enemy?
How do I know that?
Maybe I'm just assuming…
Maybe it's the atmosphere of a moonless night
That's driving the fear into me
All I know is the steady beat of my heart
The rhythm of my breath
The darkness
The rustling
And the fear.
I know I am afraid.
Why should I be afraid
When I don't even have anything I know I should fear?
Maybe I should stand up
Face the enemy
But no, I just can't
I can't bring myself to do it.
I'm too afraid.
It's no darker inside my head than outside
If I close my eyes I see no difference
But there is a difference, between me and the world outside
And the difference is control
And I know I am afraid.
But the fear
The fear is not in the darkness, or the rustling
Or even the enemy…
The fear
The fear is inside me,
And everything that's under my skin
Is my own responsibility.
Some things I can control and some I can't
But it is my choice to learn to fight it,
To live with it
Or
To dance with it
Suddenly I find the strength to stand up
The fear is writhing and twisting inside me
But now I am dancing with it
And suddenly it is beautiful
I open my eyes
The rustling is finding me
The fear leaps and rages
But I am dancing with it
And suddenly the enemy bursts through the brush
And I know I'm not afraid.
The enemy freezes in the dark
I stand unmoving, but always dancing
The figure hesitates
Then reaches out a hand
The fear screaming and prancing, shaking and shivering, I lift my own
And touch
The fear collapses into dust.
The enemy
Is me.