'To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To hope is to risk pain.

To try is to risk failure,

But risk must be taken,

Because the greatest hazard in life,

Is to risk nothing.'

Have you ever had a crush on someone who was so out of your reach? I have. His name is Quentin or Que, as he likes to be called. With smoldering chocolate eyes and a smile that could make any girl melt, it was hard not to notice him. Girls did and yet, he never noticed any of them, or me for that fact. Then again there was nothing to notice. I was short, around five four. Being surrounding by girls roughly four or five inches taller than me, it was easy to get lost in the crowd. There was nothing redeeming about my appearance either. I had mousy brown hair and even duller gray eyes. I wasn't a geek or a beauty queen; I was average, which in high school was even worse. I was nobody.

Then there was Quentin. He wasn't exactly popular, but then again he wasn't unpopular. Everybody knew his name. He was always invited to the best parties and had all the girls chasing after him, but despite this, he remained humble. Though if anyone should be boasting, it's him. You see he was gifted with this amazing voice. Whenever he sang, no one talked. An awed silence would overcome the room and all eyes were on him. On stage he was always the center of attention, but at school he did everything in his power to escape it.

I guess that's what I liked about him. He was different. I knew he wasn't shy. If he were, he wouldn't be able to do what he does. Neither was he gay, although Shia seems to think so. It was her theory for why he, unlike all the other guys, didn't jump every girl that came his way. Me, on the other hand, am a true romantic. I believe he's just looking for something more. Maybe even the same thing I'm looking for.

The only difference between us was that he had his whole life to find it. Counting the months, I didn't even need both my hands. I had only four. One of which I was going to spend in a coma. So technically I only had three.

What's wrong with me? Well, the doctor told me what it was, but I couldn't remember the medical term for it. Basically I had an inoperable brain tumor, which was going to slowly cut off my bodily functions. Sounds nasty right? Well I'm not looking forward to it either.

I'd use to watch movies like 'A Walk to Remember' and think how possible it was. It was just never a possibility for me. Surreal as it sounded, I had only three months to live and live my life was exactly what I was planning to do. Fifteen years I spent in the shadows, too afraid to take any risks. A life lived in fear is a life half lived. It was only when faced with my own mortality that I realized this.

So, it was my resolution this year to go for what I wanted. No more waiting for things to come to me. I was willing to take a few chances in my life. I had nothing to lose, right?