I'm so
close to
tears

the poison in my system is working its way out and I'm swapping chemicals for delusions like a barnyard dance, round and round.
I avoid drinking the cup of water because there was a frog in it and
it didn't make sense for him to be there. I tell myself "it's just water" water water it's ok water magic lantern water. Go away frog.
hop away frog. if I drink at the wrong time I hope I won't hurt it. it
wouldn't let me hurt myself by hurting it.
I feel heavy
bloody
like I'm dragging a cross behind me. I saw an evangelist at Mardi Gras once
dragging a cross
it had a wheel. So much for informed consumerism. I'm laying down in the living room and don't know how I got there. maybe if I think real hard maybe I can rationalize this
as a nightmare. hanging on a black black screen
with little glowing lights and warm oil
and a man in a yellow checkered suit firing a gun, suspended in the air.
he labeled me with the names of people I love and shot me again and again and again while I watch. of course I might not be a person. but hey who is? I'm adding math facts in my brain while I ponder this it helps
me keep things straight. just because I'm a pig doesn't mean I don't know 3+7. ten by the way. I don't forget that. I don't forget.
the wires in my brain are sparking and fizzing but I'm switched
off already and there are voices and numbers and spatial relations to keep me occupied in the quiet. turn me off now. just turn me off.