Twin

We were always together.

It's not un-understandable for we had together since our birth. Twins share a bond that is both similar to that between other siblings and at the same time completely different. We can know things about each other that nobody else knows. Sometimes, we can even do this without the use of words. Is the bond psychological? Perhaps. Maybe it's just a side effect of coming into existence at the same time. Is this why twins seem to understand one another better than anybody else they know?

From this reasoning, one could also surmise that from birth, twins are given the ability to care for each other in a unique way. We can love each other. Yes, all siblings are *supposed* to love each other. But the love I'm referring to is much deeper. It reigns over casual love or even the love shared between devoted couples. Twins love one another in a way that nothing else can ever hope to touch upon. It's part of who we are and why we are such gifted individuals, or rather pairs.

There are various types of twins. You can have the identical ones, sometimes of the same sex and sometimes not. Or you can have the twins that look nothing alike, again either identical in gender or not. Some twins want to promote their unity by dressing alike and having the same hairstyle. In most cases, it is the parents who encourage this. Others desire a more individualistic approach and try to find ways of helping people identify them apart from the other. Then, you can also have a sort of mixture of the two.

For me, my twin was my brother and I loved him immensely. I don't think anything could change that feeling. He was essentially me. But he was more like the best part of me or something that I could hope to become. I admired everything from his beautiful eyes to his vivacious attitude. He was the only thing that I have ever loved.

When we were young, it was easy to love him. All we had was each other. In each other, we found peace and a sort of acceptance of the life we had been given. We were both different from the rest of those around us. Only my brother had a harder time when it came to dealing with these differences. They were vicious to him. So I was there to comfort him. I was the only person who could make it all better, if only for a little while. He saw me as his sanctuary. I was content.

He grew older and gradually stronger. No longer, did he constantly need to turn to me for protection and relief against the harsh reality. He could face things on his own. His methods weren't exactly conventional but they gave him the control he had wished for. As he began to win his control over the world, I began to notice that he was losing his need for me.

I found ways to remedy this. We would engage in meaningless games of play. He liked inventing secret words and I liked messing with the rules of fashion. My brother never refused my whims. He humored them all. It was a control he freely gave me.

Still, my brother had his bigger plans. Not to say that they didn't include me for they always did. Even at the age of one nearing the times of greatest change, he wanted to be around me. I was still he most special person. As long as I had that knowledge, I would follow him anywhere. And I did.

Games. He had long lived for those in his life. Excitement and challenges were what drove him. But an older child desires more edge to his games. My brother was no different. He sought out the best. Eventually, he found it.

The honeyed eyes were a dead give-away. I could sense what that sultry look would lead to. I have often wondered if my brother did as well. At the time, he was innocent, but he was nearing the age where innocence tends to fade quite suddenly. He gave his playful smile and the other responded with one that spoke of much darker intentions. I was wary but my brother would not listen. He was intrigued. An extended hand was all it took to finalize his decision. Then, I was alone.

I had never been alone before then. Perhaps, my brother had thought that I would explore the area or make some friends of the own. Most of the time, I did these things. But this time was different. I had not separated from him on my own. He had abandoned me. All I could do was remain where I was and wait for his return.

As one would assume, he did return for me. We moved on and tried to pretend that nothing had happened. He was just as jubilant as ever, running around and laughing about what great sport he had found. I was not amused. My brother was not the same now. That childish aura about him was gone. I knew then that I had been left out in more ways than one.

It's a shame to admit that I became jealous. I found an immediate way of ending his games. He was angry but we were together once more. The best part was that he was not aware that it was I who had orchestrated our return to normalcy.

Back in our usual routine, my brother assumed his customary attitude. Still, the streak that had started to grow in him would not be hindered. More and more troubles befell us, more than a few the results of his own actions. He was not at all ashamed. He liked it.

Then, we met him. The man who would change our lives indefinitely. In him, we found both a guardian and a friend. I trusted him. To be fair, I never tried to know him like my brother did.

Eventually, he too left us. I had hoped that it would be just my brother and I again. But before he left, he had endowed my brother with something that would forever set us apart. My connection to my brother began to fade as he began to change into someone completely new to me.

My brother went out often now. Sometimes I would watch as he set them up. That joking tone followed by a coy grin. True to his nature, he still only chose the best. Attention came easily to him. My brother was always beautiful and he knew how to use that beauty to get his way.

At first, it was just a few dates. One-shot things that resulted in my brother being back at my side by morning. I had to find ways to occupy my time until then. Soon though, the time he spent with the others became significant. I realized I was missing him more often.

Later, his tastes showed that he was becoming more open in his choices. What was another experience to him? There was no sign of anything but lust in these. He had more fun with them. Each one required a different approach. Sometimes, even his age became a determining factor. I hated seeing others possessing my brother in the way that only I should. I ached for a way to win him back.

Fate stepped in again, this time in my favor. My brother was too busy with more important things to waste him time with lovers. He was mine again, even though there was a considerably larger space between us this time.

Nothing ever lasts and neither did our reunion. Another soon stepped into the picture. At first glance, he seemed like my brother in his youth. I did not approve of their association. But my brother had stopped heeding my requests without question long ago. He was enchanted by this creature that shared so much of his past but also had a totally different outlook on the future. Fate drove this one and my brother's mission became to discover why.

Amongst much dispute, a sort of family was formed. Others were allowed to join. I was no longer the most special. Before now, I had not had to worry about such a thing for I knew that the others my brother chose to play with were just part of his games. He could never love them. The only one he could love was me. I had taken solace in that fact for a long time. Now, another sought to challenge that belief.

I watched as they grew closer: my brother and him. It had seemed an impossibility. There was too much anger there and too much pain. That shouldn't have strengthened the bond. Yet, it did. I knew my brother had found the one who would forever mean more to him than even me. I had lost.

Sometimes, I want to feel happy for him. Of course, I've always wanted my brother to be happy. I've allowed so many things for the sake of that. Nothing has been so sacred that it outweighed that sacrifice. Not even my own life.

Part of me is also scared. I don't know if it will last. It goes through the occasional tests, sometimes with good results and sometimes with devastating ones. Still, things remain fairly the same. I guess I want to have hope for them. How can I condemn the one who brings my brother the happiness that I could never give him? Sadly, he too has his problems and these are what I most fear for they have the potential to destroy everything.

The trials continue to pass and my brother's strength is challenged day by day. Perhaps, the one who has taken my place does his part in helping my brother face these obstacles. He might. My brother seems to need him. I suppose I could find a way to respect that for my brother's sake. I do love him after all and I can still take comfort in the ideal that I am still part of him.

*~*~*~*~*

Notes: When I started this, I had a specific set of characters in mind. But as I wrote it out, I realize that most (maybe not all) of it can be applied to many characters. So interpret it however you wish.