There is an elf that lives in my head. His name is Fiess (fee-ess) Sniffsabit (sniffs a bit) and he is blue. He is evil. Blue elves are always evil.
He has two girlfriends. His first one is Ara (air-a) Fluffles (fluff-les) and lives in Britney (brit-nee) Spears' (speerz-iz) head. She does not know this, however, because some people are just ignorant and refuse to believe that there are such things as elves, much less that they do, in fact, live in people's heads, and I am unbelievably certain that Britney Spears has an elf in her head and her name is Ara Fluffles.
Fiess met Ara when Britney was sitting in New York painting florescent pink fingernail polish onto her fingernails and was acting like the blonde slutty airhead she is, and Ara took her chance and escaped Britney's head. She then ran all the way down to my li'l ole town and jumped into my jar of Oxy-Face-Cleaner-Pad-Things, which is like the big nightclub for headelves or something. Fiess tried to bring her in my head but I would not let him so they found another head and did whatever elves do. Ara is evil.
But Fiess says that it was a nightmare trying to keep up a re-elfin-ship (they really call relationships that!!) with an elf who lived in Britney Spears' head because she always left him under a Cliffhanger. (Whatever that means. I personally think it means "hangover" but I do not know how elves can leave each other under hangovers so I will classify this word as ¿unknown? & pointless and am dismissing it.)
So Fiess met his second girlfriend (who Ara does not know about) named ?Baen¿ (?bain¿). Just ?Baen¿. No last name. No middle name. Almost like "bean" but with the "a" and "e" switched around.
Please do not ask anything about the question mark things—it hurts my head to think about it.
?Baen¿ lives in Aaron (air-un) Lopez's (low-pez-iz) head. I am not quite sure if Aaron knows this or not—sometimes he really does act as if he has something in his head, but I do not know if it is an elf. But he does have an elf in his head: ?Baen¿.
?Baen¿ wants to be a hamburger-flipper. Fiess wants to be an attorney. Yet he is boyfriend to a wannabe hamburger-flipper. Elves are very weird.
I do not know if ?Baen¿ is evil or dim-witted. Fiess does not talk about her much. I think that this is because he does not want me to know that he is going out with a dim-witted lackadaisical (a.k.a. BORING) hamburger-flipper wannabe. Therefore, I am almost sure that ?Baen¿ is not evil, but stupid. I do know, however, that she is brown. I think brown elves are generally slow because molasses is brown and it is slow.
Fiess is clever, however, because he has very pointy ears. I imagine ?Baen¿ having very ROUND ears. In fact, I imagine her being rather round all over. Perhaps, if Fiess actually does become an attorney (which is highly unlikely), maybe he can pay an elf surgeon to un-round her. Then she might make Aaron smarter, too, because she would be smarter. Because elves tend to take after their humans. Wait...but that would mean that Aaron would have to get smarter for ?Baen¿ to get smarter. Hang on! Does that mean that I am evil...? But I am not! I do not think.... No. I am several things, but evil is not one...and neither is crazy!!!
I must go ponder this. But thank you for taking the time to read this truly messed-up version of the events that go on inside my head! Even if you do not believe these incidents, the sheer fact that I actually thought this up is enough to classify me as officially insane. But then again, no one believed Galileo either until he was dead...or close to it at least. Anyway, you will one day find the little elf inside your head talking to you, and—unless s/he is telling you to kill all the emus and become the king of Tibet—listen to him/her! They are very cool!
A/N: yes, I am well aware of the fact that this is quite mad. I do not have an elf inside my head. I made this whole thing up. It actually originated from a conversation I had with my brother, but I won't get into that.
Disclaimer: Britney Spears belongs to her record company. Oxy-pads belong to OxyOxygen Corp. or whatever. The word "fiess" is owned by and was created—though for very sick purposes—by the wonderful KD, Queen of Dr. Evil Impressions. The word "sniffsabit" is owned by and was created by me.
And whoever owns and created the word "lackadaisical" deserves to be committed.