Title: That Made Me

Author: M. Reis AKA crazywriter, crazywriter@corporatedirtbag.com

Warnings: non-descriptive f/f slash.

Author's Note: I know I need to update my other stuff… but I kind of can't think of what to write. And right now, I need to write this. So… bite me. ;o)

Dedication: This is for Rhy, always and forever… and it doesn't matter why.

It was the way she seemed empty that made me want her at first.

It was the way the water seemed to envelop her when she waded in to inspect a jutting rock. It was the way she wandered over the slippery rocks with elegance and grace, but as though she was hollow and unreal. As though she was part of the tidepools, not some foreign matter lodged on the base rock.

She struck me as positively poetic even in the mundane olive drab and tan park ranger uniform. It made her blend in better, with the gray of the sky, reflecting onto the sea. Up close… she didn't seem so empty.

It was the way she smiled that attracted me to her. It was the way her lips formed into a gentle upward spiral as she poked a sea anemone the right way to show a little boy why how the moved their sensors. The gentle smile she gave me when I first walked into the visitor's center, the way is made me feel… at home. That's it… she felt like home. She felt like falling into a warm sleep as she lit up with the most brilliant smile and pointed out the utterly obvious fact that my glasses lenses were two different colors. It felt like home.

It was watching her give tours from a distance that made me want to be by her, the way she walked over the rocks, pointing things out to everyone. Like she was so happy with what she was doing and nothing could ever change. Nothing, no one, ever. Never.

Walking up the group and the smile at me, "Would you like to join?" she asked.

"Can I?"

"Only if you're not a troublemaker."

"Oh but for you I am…" a wink from me.

She laughed with her eyes, her mouth in a knowing smile as she went back to what she was explaining. She told me later that's what had first attracted her to me.

Two people, two lovers, to hearts holding on… searching for something, anything… just something to make them think, make them feel, make them live.

Suddenly, she didn't seem so empty to me anymore.

It was the way she'd throw a handful of sand at me without even thinking twice, then dash off, leaving me to chase after her as she ran away from me, but inevitably running towards me.

She wasn't, isn't empty, she can't be empty as I watch her running down the beach, running away from me, but in the end, running towards me.

I will always remember that… her running towards me.

It was the way she made me smile that made me hope to have her.

The way she bit my shoulder and put her head there and teased me and gave me a noogie if I wasn't careful. The bad jokes and the stolen kisses and touching and the everything.

It was that she was real, real in a away I hadn't known, that made me care for her.

"You know what you remind me of, Mick?" she had asked, her head on my chest after we had consummated our attraction in the most poetic backseat of her navy Jeep Grand Cherokee.

"Hmm?" I had grunted. She smiled and hugged me tighter to her, I couldn't see her smile though but I felt her smiling against my skin.

"Something… something so solid and complete that it… it doesn't break. A rock."

Ah, but a rock feels no pain, a rock will never cry.

It was the arguments and harsh words between us that made me unsure.

Unsure because of the possessive way she watched when I talked to any girl. Unsure because of the way she needed, like I did, to be with me all the time. Unsure because of the love I saw in her eyes, or at least the potential to love.

Unsure because she didn't seem so empty anymore.

It was that that made me need her.

It was calling her up at two in the morning after a nightmare of the past, after being haunted by dreaming specters of the what can never more be and whispering, half-sobbing into the phone, "Rhy-rhy? I need you, Rhy-rhy… make it better. Make it all go away."

It was the way she would come right over and hold me and stroke my hair and make me not want to be scared anymore.

The way she was strong.


Holding on.

It was the way I would cry and say, I'm broken… and she would accept that and not make me be fixed her way.

The way she let me in.

The way she… full. In her eyes, there was life, laughter, lust, love, silly, funny, happy, angry, sad, hurt, misery, all the emotions that make life worth living all wrapped up into a beautiful pair of emarald green eyes, overflowing with everything.

It was that she wasn't empty that made me need her.

It was that she was Rhy that made me Mick.