Poor Attempts

By Carter Tachikawa

(Okay, I wanted to post this yesterday but for some weird reason, FFN went crazy (what else is new?) and I couldn't log in and other crap like that. Anyway, I was listening to seventies music -_-0 and I came across this song, which reminded me of my father. It's called "Leader of the Band" and was sung by Dan Fogelberg, so it's not mine though I use a few lyrics. Anyway, it's been six years and going since I lost my dad. I'm doing all right but I still wish he were here.)

(blah)- a lyric from "Leader of the Band" (which is not my song)

Shifting from one place to another like a movie changing its scenes
The dusty, warm trail that led to your home
You walked away from it and landed in this sometimes freezing tomb
Sometimes burning furnace
The weather always changes but you are here
Far from the dusty, warm trail that led to home

(A quiet man of physique, denied a simpler fate)

Where do you go? Where should you start?
Anyone else would have turned around and hid
Hid back at home where it was safe, where they belonged
Yet you moved forward as if you were charging through a hurricane
The winds pushed you, you pushed back
And in the end, you walked out of that storm
Without a stain

(And his heart was known to none)

You built your life in this strange world
Learned what you couldn't learn at home
You did nothing but learn
As the sun went down and sugar-white snow rested
Upon the windowpane
Becoming the example that hard work and struggle
Eventually paid you back

(And he gave to me a gift I know I never can repay)

I look at myself in that mirror everyday
I only see me, nothing special and nothing extraordinary
Yet I'm your offspring
The child of someone great and unknown
Who has failed to be as wonderful and bright as the man you were
Drowning, drowning, drowning
In a sea of misery, which is all my hard work paid me
I can not breathe and sometimes I want curl up
Curl up and fade into the darkness

(He earned his love through discipline)

I want to go into eternity where I will find you
Sometimes, I get tired of living
I pretend I am you though the world knows I'm fooling myself
But how else can I be like you?
I'm nothing more than your offspring
Swirled up in confusion, wanting answers
Something you have never faced with
I step up and slip back down
Cause I try so hard to become
Someone I will never see again

(My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man)

I was never there when you left your home so long ago
I never saw you walk down that dusty, warm trail
I was proud, I never witnessed it but I was proud of you
There was no other way I could talk about how great you were
How great you could have been
And all the wonderful things you will never be
So instead of wishing for the night to fall over me like a veil
I write of you.
I write what I remember and what I will never see
It's my only way of preserving your memories
It's the only way everyone else will know
The person behind the poet and every poem that poet wrote
They aren't the best but they are a start

(I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And Papa, I don't think I said
"I love you" near enough)

And maybe, one day, the whole world will understand this poem
One way or another, I will show them
That the real superstar of our family's drama
Was you

(I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band)

(Sigh. Anyone else ever lose a parent in their lives? Six years and going for me. I miss my dad. The lines in the parentheses, by the way, are verses to the song. I may have mentioned that above but I'm saying it again. Well, I get back to something happy soon. I promise)