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Otseis Ragnarok

[Previously named: Story Improvements]

Get some help with your stories/writing here!

Make a post and state what sort of problem you have, and everyone will help as much as they can!

Examples of trouble areas:

- Title

- Summary

- Characters

- Plot

- Descriptions

- Stylistic aspects

- Technical aspects

- Passive voice

and so on.

You must make it as clear as possible as to what your problem is about, otherwise you will not get any adequate help. Do also make a clear note if you simply wish for some general advice regarding a certain area.

Share away!

---

SPECIAL:

Story Ideas

Feel free to snatch any you'd like.

12/13/2007 . Edited by Fractured Illusion, 8/25/2009 #1
Imalefty
HA! i am the first one to use this topic! :D

so... since princess is going to be coming to a close soon, i've started working on a new piece. however, i need some help on something that may seem really obvious, so don't laugh...

i need help assigning specific characteristics to a "Mary Sue." it's not that i don't know what she is - she's the perfect girl that everyone hates because of her inhuman perfection. but i need more specifics... because... i'm purposely trying to make one. :) no, i'm not crazy... and i certainly hope that i'll write it well enough that my readers won't hate me. XD

so anyway... if anyone can give me exactly what a "Mary Sue" should look like/act like and anything else you can possibly tell me about a "Mary Sue," that would be fantastic. :)

thanks in advance...!

-Lefty

1/8/2008 #2
Otseis Ragnarok
You want to make a Mary-Sue? May I ask why?

If you need info, look it up on wiki... there's actually a chart which gives info as to what qualities a Mary-Sue has...

Some basics: Unusually beautiful, some unnaturally(but not necessarily dyed) technicolor shade of hair, dresses unpractically for her position, etc.

Personality: well, think back to Superman as a reference...

@Fill: You re-wrote my opener for this topic... right? That does not sound anything like me!

Back to Lefty: First to use this topic... so you popped its cherry....

My own child...

...

*weeps*

...

And I wanted to take it...

1/9/2008 #3
KnittingKneedle
Hahaha- here's where my knowledge of the Harry Potter fandom comes in useful!

Let's see, to me a Mary Sue should have:

Eyes that change colour

On overly tragic past

She should be ' destined' or 'blessed' just to make her super special

Over the top angst/happiness/sexiness (delete as appropriate)

There are Mary sue litmus tests all over so ou can devolp your Sue to score the highest!

Good Luck!

1/9/2008 #4
Narc
Is the idea to make a parody story about a Mary Sue?

I've seen it done before, and I've just never found it to be really funny. I guess it's because parodying a Mary Sue is making a parody of something super predictable. There aren't any surprises because everyone knows pretty much what to expect from such a character.

I have a lot of faith in your writing abilities, however, so if that is the case, drive on and don't let me stop you. It's just a word of caution that that kind of story can be tough to make surprising in any way.

1/9/2008 #5
Fractured Illusion
A Mary-Sue is also well liked by the entire cast for unknown reasons (ie, she pops up, and suddenly no one questions her, they just are in awe).

I imagine she to also have strong beliefs in SOMETHING, and whatever that SOMETHING is, it is RIGHT by default (ie, not questioned (much)). Those who do question are the bad guys.

Any PARTICULAR behaviour (ie nice, charming, easy-going, easily pissed off, etc etc) aren't really specified. It's the circumstances AROUND the mary-sue that makes her at such. So I cannot give characteristics on HER, just of all other things.

And yes, Onar, I stole the baby from you. What do you care, you're not even interested in giving us child support! Pft!

1/9/2008 #6
Narc
She must have a dozen or so 'negative traits' that are always portrayed in a good light, usually because those are the traits the main male lead fines so attractive. Such as having a 'fiery' temper, being argumentative, trying too hard, working too hard, getting pissed off easily (as Frac pointed out), gets upset easily over something in particular (something having to do with her tragic past), etc.
1/9/2008 #7
Fractured Illusion
Are you sure such is the way of a Mary Sue? O_o Can't they be mellow? (just wondering here ^^; Not saying anything, for I have little knowledge)

I do agree, they will have negative traits that are not looked down upon (much).

1/9/2008 #8
KnittingKneedle
Probably...but she'll be super mellow (her mellowness should be mentioned around twenty times per chapter) and everyone will admire her mellowness.
1/9/2008 #9
Narc
But the climax of the story will be when her-mellownessness finally does get angry and hits or yells at some annoying character who has done her terrible wrong. And this wrong will be done for no real reason, or the reason will be something like 'he harrasses her because her parents or dead' or because she has strange colored eyes. Yeah.
1/9/2008 #10
KnittingKneedle
And that will be pretty much as far as the character development goes...because she started the story super awesomme anyway.
1/9/2008 #11
Fractured Illusion
*is chuckling*

You two amuse me ^^;

1/9/2008 #12
Narc
Lefty's going to come back and wonder what happened to her simple inquiry. We've practically got half the stories in the fantasy section of fictionpress rewritten here.
1/9/2008 #13
Otseis Ragnarok
The fantasy section is really THAT bad?

I suppose it makes sense, though...

Fantasy writers ARE pathetic...

1/9/2008 #14
Narc
It's not so much the genre, but the fact that it's the genre of choice for thirteen-year-old girls. I can't blame them too much ... that was my idea of a good story then too.
1/9/2008 #15
Narc
Maybe we should switch this conversation over to off-topic, since I feel like that's where it's going (minus the answers to Lefty's Mary-Sue question).
1/9/2008 #16
Imalefty
LOL wow... the mary sue conversation went a long way... XD

thanks for all your advice! i can't tell you much about my story, since i haven't exactly had much time to plan it all out, but it is definitely NOT a parody (er... at least... not in the traditional sense) on a Mary Sue. i'm writing it as a serious piece... sort of.

i think i have enough to go on for now, but if anyone wants to give me any other characteristics of a mary sue, that would be great! thanks again! :)

-Lefty

1/9/2008 #17
Otseis Ragnarok
Well, moving on...

I'm thinking about asking for a little help, myself.

Most of y'all have read Lady Hel's Kiss by now, right? (I've pimped it to all hell through the review game...)

Well, I kinda have no idea what to do after chapter 5(soon to be posted)...

Anyone have any ideas?

1/10/2008 #18
Narc
For those of us who haven't read all of it (and since none of us have read the chapter you haven't posted yet) could you be a lot more specific? What's your plot and what part of it do you feel is missing?
1/10/2008 #19
Otseis Ragnarok
Well, Each chapter is pretty much a oneshot where the main character dies...

I'm trying to decide on what to do with the five of them once they are all dead.

I really didn't want to give that much away, but I guess it was necessary...

And chapter 5? Easy: another guy dies. So, any ideas of what to do with these dead people...

1/10/2008 #20
KnittingKneedle
Hee...my story is about death too.

Some kind of underworld seeing as it's supernatural? A journey in purgatory? I don't know if that's too clich├ęd

Sorry I'm not much help.

But can I just push the plan again? Trust me, an extensive plan is really good for tackling writers block and places in the story where you just don't know where the story is going...I'd suggest planning it all out roughly before starting on chapter six :D

1/10/2008 #21
Fractured Illusion
Well, obviously, you need to tie it together, Onar. What did they have in common? What is the grander scheme they were all in that made them all characters in the same story? Show their relevance.

Aka: Get on with the plot.

:P

1/10/2008 #22
Otseis Ragnarok
What is the grander scheme they were all in that made them all characters in the same story?

That would be my problem... I don't really know.

I have a few ideas, but they all seem too cliche... I know I want them to meet each other, but that's all I've got so far...

There's so much I could do, but nothing seems to be good enough for what I want...

1/11/2008 #23
Fractured Illusion
Consider the possibilities.

You want them all to meet. Hm. Okay.

THAT has to happen either:

A) Before the story for each of them starts (and not during, as it well...it leads to their deaths and so far they don't seem interlinked during that part)

B) After they are dead

Scenario A would be nifty. I don't have any suggestions for it, though.

Scenario B could take place in:

a) afterlife (heaven, hell, in-between)

b) reincarnation

c) ghosts/spirits

d) divine intervetion, which could be mixed with a (ie, makes deal with devil to stay alive to fulfil revenge or whatnot, and then they all come across each other on their repsective path of revenge)

Picking up any interesting thoughts from this, Onar?

1/13/2008 #24
KnittingKneedle
Expanding on fractured Illusions idea

Have you ever read Stuart: A life backwards?

It's a great biography told from death to birth

You could do their stories like that and show how they link (a choice they all made in the past could have affected the way they all turned out)

1/13/2008 #25
Fractured Illusion
I really like the premise of them all going way back in history :3

but how does one find satisfaction in the ending? What type of ending fits? I mean, how is closure done properly when you end at the start? That is my dilemma.

1/13/2008 #26
KnittingKneedle
Well with Stuart, the idea was that he was such a messed up human being due to a really unsavoury, unhappy childhood as you learnt...and so the closure from the book was at one point in time he was this pure baby being born- who could have had a nice life.

It really made me cry...I'm not saying you should copy it- it's just a nice idea like that.

1/13/2008 #27
Fractured Illusion
Oh I really like that idea! :O

Nice way of ending it ^^

But since he has so many characters it seems, it will be harder to come up with a satisfying solution that fits them all

1/13/2008 #28
Otseis Ragnarok
Actually, That Idea isn't so bad...

My biggest problem was deciding on WHAT exactly to do...

The idea of going backwards never crossed my mind....

I might try it, but fitting chapter 5 in will be difficult...

But I do know how I'll fit everyone together at the end...

Let's just say I don't want to spoil the surprise.......

1/15/2008 #29
Esther Jade
I'm looking for help on writing a good summary. Narc suggested that I ask here after he read my story. My current summary is:

"The Driechtnicht are dread knights seeking to possess the Sacred Heart, a powerful stone key to protecting mankind. When its powerful guardians are killed, only six children are left with the ability to rescue the stone."

Narc's two criticisms (I hope I've understood correctly) of this were: - the centrality of a "magic object" - a group as the main character.

After reading the first chapter, Narc felt that it didn't sound like one of "those" stories so said I needed to change the summary. I'm not really sure what to do.

1/16/2008 #30
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