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Per the 3 day rule...this request is now


8/19/2009 #271


In need of a Beta

Title: Legion's Web

Genre: Fantasy


The people of the country, and the like named city of Eldore, have suffered a thousand years of rain. Where once was a flourishing forest, a swamp, cold and crackling with ice remains. The city is fueled now by the water, and the people have adapted. Though it is clear the rain has taken its toll. A former slave, Marc, runs from his past and tragedy. From dreams of blood and a child’s scream. Misha, a powerful mage and lord, has allowed his heart to become cold. And it seems the one to thaw it is his former student, another mage, Bard. He is a storyteller, and through his eyes we see the stories intertwine. But it is Marc that brings them all together.

The caste system of slaves and lords and freemen has left gaps where poverty takes hold, here we see the world in the eyes of boy, a thief struggling to survive. Soldiers in form of mages and those who take up the sword, see the city in a dimmer light. Durrik, an exotic man from the plains past the swamp, brings death. All of these people and more yet, unite against the thing they all hate. The man that has fed the suffering of the people, the man that has allowed the slaves and poverty stricken to endure this pain. The king, Trent, and his loyal minions. Battle is on the horizon, and when blood spills into the streets, not even the rain will wash it all away.

Essentially, the book is told from multiple first person points of view, one for each major character and the villain. It is split into two sections, part one and two. Part two taking place two years later and over the course of three years and dealing more with the downfall of the king.

Length: 76,500 + words - Not on FP, full length novel

8/19/2009 . Edited 8/19/2009 #272

so what exactly are you looking for help in?

grammar, plot holes, other?

8/19/2009 #273

Over all feel of the piece, plot continuity(so yeah, plot holes) readability and impressions. Grammar has been fair sorted out and I really just need someone to read it with fresh eyes and tell me what they think of it.

And of course let me know if I someone left a tear in the fabric of space and time.

8/19/2009 #274

Hey Hemlock-Key, I wouldn't mind reading it and see if it's...well, readable, heh. You may check my Beta profile for more details, but I wouldn't mind reading your story regardless. Sounds interesting.

8/20/2009 #275
Sercus Kaynine

Hey Hem-lock Key! Or Jupiter was your nick, I believe? It seems as though you've already gotten a few offers, but I'd like to offer my services as well.

I'm glad you've taken care of grammar and such because those are my weaker points, but the fantasy genre is one of my favorites. I could give you the POV of a fantasy nerd/critic, as someone who's read a lot of those types of books and knows the cliches and all that jazz. I'm good at seeing the bigger idea of things (example: the plot overall, a character's personality throughout the book), rather than smaller details, which might be helpful with a longer story. If you're curious about anything else feel free to check out my beta profile, though it is rather outdated.

Any other questions or concerns feel free to contact me. :)

8/20/2009 #276

In a perfect world, I would pick two beta readers. Because two is always better than one. But as I'm not sure if we're supposed to, I shall only pick one. Of course if you still want to Beta for me, feel free to send me an email(yes it is on my profile) and we'll get started.

As is, I like both of you for different reasons so I decided on the first come adage. Snuffsnuff, would you be my beta?

Wow, that sounded like a terrible line from Mr. Rogers. . .

8/20/2009 #277


You may pick as many beta readers as you like; as far as I know, we don't have any rules barring anyone from selecting more than one beta. :)


Hemlock-Key's request is still OPEN.

8/20/2009 #278

Well in that case, I'll go with SnuffSnuff and Sercus Kaynine if you would still like to.

8/20/2009 #279

I wouldn't mind betaing for you.

8/20/2009 #280
Sercus Kaynine

I'd like to better for you too.

8/20/2009 #281

Than I believe this request is


8/20/2009 #282

WELL, I don't know if this is allowed, but I'm gonna try it anyway.

8/31, 9:55 FP time - I WANT A BETA!

You see, I have an English course this semester, and I want a ready aid to stand by to read my crappy essays. (not really! ... I hope.) I'll need someone who has sound logic, asks questions a teacher might ask for a paper, all that fluff. I haven't written anything yet, but you will get a steady feed of things from sometime next week until the middle of December, methinks.

and when this is aaalllll over, I'll probably throw a couple of depth reviews in the deal for helping me out! ^^

so whatcha think?? who wants to be my beta?? :D

8/31/2009 #283

oh hai. this is definitely


le sigh. :(

9/5/2009 #284
B. J. Winters

I need a beta

9/5 -- at 10:11 pm PST

I have posted 20 chapters of a mystery story (65,000 words) called Perfect Crime. Probably only one chapter to go --but I don't have an ending.

What I'd like is someone who is willing to read it through (I could send each chapter in DOCX or email. I'm interesting in characterization and plot holes (questions, predictions, "delete this") commentary sort of advice, vs grammer (although I'll take that too).

I have no specific timeline - although I'd love to have the whole thing back before Halloween.

I would then take the commentary and rewrite.

Basic plot is set in Chicago. Two newspaper reporters working against the mafia.

Any takers?

9/5/2009 #285
B. J. Winters

Mod Edit: Seems the formatting didn't work at the time of this post. lol. fix'd.


9/10/2009 . Edited by Lime-Cat, 9/10/2009 #286

I'm new here and I need a Beta. If anyone's interested please tell me. I'd appreciate it.

My story is Royal Runaway and I think the title says already what it's all about.

I need help in Grammar and style of writing. Thanks.

9/10/2009 #287


Misspointless: Please read the first post of this thread and include (using a post EDIT) all necessary information as well as text formatting within your request post. Failure to do so will result in your request being ignored. Please do so as soon as possible. Thanks.


Misspointless has 24 hours from the time of my post to edit in the correct information.

EDIT: 24 hours has passed since my post. Anyone may open a request. Be sure to use the correct format or your request will be ignored. Thanks! :)

9/12/2009 . Edited 9/13/2009 #288

I WANT TO BETA - 09/14 2009

Specialties: I'll take anything you could throw at me, apart from mystery and fantasy novels. I prefer exciting stories, with romance (if it exists) on the back-burner, as opposed to the main plot line. My favourite genres are: action, angst, sci-fi, horror, and humour.

Weaknesses: I suppose my major weakness is either getting so caught up in a story the beta part of me manages to escape or so bored that he goes to sleep. Though usually he only needs a good kick and he'll start up again. And if the story is too long it may take a little more time than either of us would like. Though it will be done in the end.

Here's a link to my beta profile: (don't be put off my the length of it)

I have beta-ed for others on this site before, though I can't find the stories I did it for.

I'd like to work with someone who writes more often than once every two months, who can take con-crit, and somone I can hold a conversation with. As I've said in my beta profile, I'll give pretty much anything a go, as long it isn't M rated because of sexual themes. Violence is fine.

9/14/2009 #289

I Would Like to Take This Offer Up

@ Vic Taylor


Hey there. My name is Katie. Obviously.

I know quite well that this is most likely the wrong way to do things, so I apologize and will try to work on my showmanship. T.T....

...I saw your request to beta and was wondering if you'd take me up.

I'm not real big on getting into the story and whatnot until I actually get accepted so excuse me if I'm brief.

Title of Story: At the Speed of Dark

Genre: Young Adult Sci/Fi-Angst. It's not space opera, but, rather, features dimensional paradoxes and the dreaded 'dystopia' theme reminiscent of George Orwell or Ray Bradbury.

Rating: T through M. It may change because the language gets rough in some spots and occasionally it will veer into violence and themes that could only be macabre.

Summary: A journey to a never-ending city stuck in a paradox of time. Lauren is a twelve-year-old girl living in this oddity of space itself. When she takes in two escapees from a local asylum, her normal, everyday life is not only altered, but questions are discovered and the answers may be just what this world needs to hear.

Update: Never have posted this on FP, though I've been writing at home for quite awhile. I will update a chapter every two weeks or sooner. I have been known to finish a chapter in days, so it varies on my mood.

Strengths: Diciton. Excitment. Characters. Pacing. Dialouge.

Weaknesses: Flow. Grammar. Relavance and format. Keeping things on topic. Definatley spelling.

My e-mail adress is NOT the one here so please do NOT PM me because I won't get it. I will PM you my real e-mail if you are interested. Finally, if you need a good example of my writing style to judge by, look at Shiver Dog.


9/14/2009 #290

Sounds good. Though (and please excuse me if I sound like I've been living under a rock for the whole of my life) I don't know what dystopia is. What is it? Sorry.

9/14/2009 #291

It's like an evil sort of government that tries to control the people's lives. Lol really gtg though get back at you tomarrow. Thanks! ^^ Promise I'll get back T.T;...

9/14/2009 #292

Oh, ok. Like a communist government?

Well, PM me your email tomorrow and we can continue from there. How much of this have you written?


9/14/2009 #293
Kristin Li

I'd like a Beta!

Title: The Morphine

Genre: Supernatural/Drama

Summary: Keiko will do anything to protect the boy she loves, even hunting down vampires. As for the vampire, Kishi, she just wants to fit it.

Update: Whenever I feel like updating, most likely on the weekends

Length: 33k

I'm mainly looking for techinical help, like with grammar, spelling and typo issues.

9/14/2009 #294

@Kristin: In the future, please note the date you opened your request so that we can properly track the 3 day time limit. Thanks.

Anyway, assuming Kristin's request was opened on the 14th...this request is now


9/18/2009 #295

I NEED A BETA - 9/18/09

I have a story I've written (obviously...) that I need proofread! My usual problem areas are tense changes and other minor grammatical mishaps, so I need someone who can help me spot errors I've missed. It's also written in a genre I've never written in (speculative), so I need someone who can point out inconsistensies in the plot and if a character is believable or not. As I said, it's speculative, and it's about a world where it's heterosexuals who are forbidden from being married. It's focused on two friends in particular, and so the story is focused on them.

Can someone help me? I'm desperate, haha. The BETA Reader lists have been down for over a week. :( Please help! I make damn good cookies. :)

Mod Edit: CLOSED

9/18/2009 . Edited by Lime-Cat, 9/21/2009 #296


I will beta this! (@Katenheimer)

I do not have a beta profile, but don't shy away because of that. I am quite experienced in editing and editor/writer relationships.

Strengths: Characters, Plot, Diction, all the biggie stuff...I can also check quite thouroughly for grammatical errors.

Weaknesses: Spelling. Please spellcheck because I probably won't catch your errors. And I tend to be too nice, trying not to hurt people's feelings. However, just tell me upright you want hard-core editing and I won't be so sugar-coated. :P

Please don't PM me if you are intrested. I won't get it. T.T... Instead, I'll PM you with my real e-mail adress and we can get started. ^^ I'm open to any genre, as long as it's an exciting story, and yours does indeed sound intresting. Updating every few weeks would be fine.

9/21/2009 #297


OK, people. I'm confused! Katenheimer's request closed as of today at 7:50AM. So, katietheunicorn, I assume your post is in response to Katenheimer's, since you more or less stated such. Unless your post is a general request for people to go to you for your beta reader services.

Regardless, I'm going to edit Katenheimer's request as closed. If you're opening a new request, then close it in a new post with the bolded phrase, "CLOSED".


What I assume to be katietheunicorn's request is still OPEN.

9/21/2009 #298

Heeey katietheunicorn! I got your PM, but your e-mail wasn't showing up. Is there anyway you can resend it? Or email me at . Thanks...:)

9/21/2009 #299


Oh dear, I am also confused now. I thought time was still availible since nobody closed her request, but since she's intrested I guess we'll do our own thing? T.T??? I will beta Katenheimer.

-End Off-topic.-

My offer is closed.

9/22/2009 #300
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