also i need to write a WCC

but i think i'll be doing a poem or a flash this month

so that place where that guy emailed me saying "you are a good writer" in the rejection?

he emailed me back last night and was like "yeah I mean, these still don't work for our issue but you should submit them to my friend's podcast series."

but idk if I really want my BEST flash fiction pieces right now to go to a podcast :/

not saying they'd even take them - but eh. ON THE OTHER HAND, the one i keep submitting is probably strongest when I read it... which might be why I keep getting rejections.

But also i just don't think i've found a place that it fits yet. it's really hard :/ i keep submitting it to fantasy/sci-fi places AND even lit places but nobody wants it i don't think because it's kind of about shapeshifters (metaphorically, right guys?) and it only uses "you" and no "I" ... Nor is it horror. It's almost "romance" in a way. It just feels like...idk it's not really what's "In" right now. But balhh.

i'll just keep trying

maybe i'm aiming too high again

i was really hoping for that harpoon review one :[ they have a pretty website.

Aw, yeah it's really hard and takes a lot of time to gauge whetheror not something will fit a certain lit mag. :/ They emailed you again after already rejecting you? Maybe they wanted the story but it didn't fit their mag's style so they're trying to help you out? Is this a SFF mag?

well...i just distracted myself by talking about submissions so i better get back to writing, xD

in fact, i've submitted to almost all of the ones on that list (many were defunct though) that were open to submissions

so far, rejections from all of them, lol

but this one got closest

it's silly because i KNOW it's a good piece too and i'm quite confident with it despite the rejections.

it just doesn't fit anywhere i guess :[ not trendy right now

or, i'm sure i could get it fit in somewhere buuut...

i'd have to probably lower my aim again. ugh. this is terrible of me but i just don't want to have it published at a place with a shitty website design...

like

FOR ONCE

i'd like something of mine to get published at a mag website that doesn't look like it died in 1996

OH

BTW, speaking of cool design

loved your piece at alien mouth, oasis! congrats! :D

i should send it out at another round of places again. it's only out at 2 right now i think. interfictions (that ain't gonna happen), and black heart - where it's been sitting since, no shit, March

I want to withdraw it but just because it's taken them over 6 months now to look at it - but I don't know how to say that "Withdrawing b/c you're taking too long." haha

okay omg. obviously using this as writing avoidance AGAIN XD

need to stop with the mags

MUST WRITE THIS CHAPTER

Aw, thank you! :3 And yeah, Black Heart Mag takes aaaaages to respond lately. But I would wait it out to see, withdrawing it would just be more work and you never know! Good luck with Interfictions, though!! I feel like your work could fit them well.

thanks! we shall see!

off topic: i've had the beatles' "helther skelter" stuck in my head all morning @[email protected]

okay. i'm going to turn Self Control on... I'm having trouble focusing.

Go get your write on! xD

My nose has been super sniffly/sneezy lately. I hope I'm not developing allergies. D:

Goooood morning! Even though it's noon. Whatever. Lol

Ok so I accidentally watched a version of Rick and Morty that started halfway through and I was so confused when it ended after 12 minutes. xD

Mor-noon, Sica!

I meant to write good mor-noon, but yeah, same thing, haha. xD

hehe.

I am having the worst day for some reason, lol

Mostly I think it's writing frustration though. Plus the lingering Mike stuff.

Either way, we're going to have a fight. I just...blah. I'm avoiding it but it's inevitable.

Aww, Potts. :( *hug*

Annnnd this is going as I predicted.

Thanks, Cinna, haha.

It went something like:

Me: We need to talk about this job thing. *Talks about disappointment in lack of efforts, etc. etc. etc.*

Him: I know *mopes and grows incredibly gloomy*

Me: *gives another speech-list of advice*

Him: I already know to do all those things.

Me: Why aren't you doing them?

Him: *reasons that I already knew, general terrified-ness of new place, starting new life, etc.*

Me: Okay, well *has no suggestion for how he can get over those things other than - when you start applying to places you'll feel better*

Him: I know that already

*both of us sit in silence for several minutes*

Him: are we done talking?

Me: I guess so.

/

IN CONCLUSION. I don't feel like anything was accomplished.

Also. I have a feeling this lack of ambition / sadness, etc. is basically well...him being depressed :[ and...I don't know what I can do to...help...and I've read things about how to support ppl with depression in the past but... it's super super hard and I know that *I* struggle understanding it and I can't push my attitudes on him b/c it just won't work, etc. But like - does anyone who has been through depression or dealt with it with a friend/loved one have any suggestions for me on how I can help him positively WITHOUT making him feel worse? D:

He's never been medicated for depression, but a few years ago before our breakup imo, he should've been. But idk. I'm really really afraid I'm seeing familiar signs and...I'm flailing.

But maybe it isn't depression either. Maybe it's just anxiety / lack of ambition due to being scared having moved to a new place and uprooted his whole life...

but how do I motivate him to go forth an conquer when he just doesn't want to and is weighed down by the guilt of that lacking ambition? D:

LIFE

life is so hard. ugh. i mean, lack of ambition has ALWAYS been part of him. it's something i don't think can ever be changed. it's something that like...for awhile i thought it would be the breaking point for me and us... but i learned to be okay with it (like not LOVING the flaw, but like, accepting it as part of him because there are so many other parts that I love, obvs). BUT yeah. It's...it's really hard in situations like this. Just because they REQUIRE ambition. And he's never had any - or, he has very little of it... I still struggle with how I can motivate him without basically tricking myself into thinking "he'll change" or well...changing him. because i just don't think he can be. in the "ambition" dept, anyway. D:

like he's super smart, he knows when he should be doing things and he isn't. that makes him feel INCREDIBLY full of guilt, thus immobilizing him further.

how do you deal with that? haha