What's a friend?
I'm just wondering, what's YOUR definition of a friend?
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zalance08

you must have been misunderstood what i've said...uhm...you know, it's alright if that person doesn't reciprocate that feeling you're talking about...even if he/she doesn't love you back as a friend, its about you, you know?

you can be a true friend to him/her even if he/she doesn't feel the same way about you..."friendship is not about expecting anything in return"...i think that's a fact...

i have experienced that feeling...its pretty hard because it's like you're the only one who's thinking that he/she is your friend..but it's worth..you know why??because of my eagerness to be her friend, i was able to earn her trust and became friends with her even if it took me a long time...lol

don't worry cakenoodle, as long as you play your role as a friend in his/her life, i think...uhm...you'll be alright^^?

6/1/2008 #31
half-sketched.staccatos

konban wa

I think I wasn't clear earlier. I said: "Always be there for my friends. Sure... Now what?" I didn't mean it in the negative way as if I don't really believe it. You know how you learn about God, and it's always this happy-happy idea, like "love God and everything will work out for you." Some other such nonsense. I believe in God 100 percent for those of you who don't, but I still have no clue what that means. If love means give, how can you love God? God needs nothing from you, so how do you love someone who doesn't need you? Anyway, that's how I feel with friendship. Don't tell me to "always be there for my friend." Give me something practical that I can do. My friend's uncle just passed away... now what I did was make sure to always find her when I wasn't sure where she was. Even if I wouldn't be at her side ever second of every day (because that'd probably creep her out), I'd make sure I knew where she was. That way, I could sort of just peek in on her to make sure she wasn't breaking down. And if she was, I would go sit with her, hug her, cry with her, make her laugh when it was obvious she didn't want to think about him anymore -- that's the reality, the practical ideas that need to be implimented. If someone had told me just then, "Just always be there for her," I'd have no clue what to do. But no, I wasn't just "there for her." Well, I guess I was -- but I had specific things I made sure to do, more than just that happy-happy idea of being there for my friend. That doesn't help me. I need someone to tell me what's wrong and what's right -- even if it's me that tells myself.

On a separate subject, I'm not going to purposely not help a friend because she was unable to help me once before. What I mean to say is... well, if I keep giving myself to her and helping her in her hour of need... only to find that time after time after time, when I need help from her, she doesn't help me -- not because she can't, mind you, but because she has no interest in helping me -- well, then you really need to re-evaluate your friendship. Maybe for you a onesided relationship can work, but I don't think I'd be able to keep giving and know that the other person doesn't appreciate me and doesn't value our friendship the same way.

If my friend wants to help me and can't, that's another story. I respect them wholly and completely. Even if she can never help me with any of the problems I face because they're so completely out of her league... I don't need her to help me. What I need to know is that she wants to. Again, I'll use the same example -- when my friend's uncle died, I couldn't help her. You can't take away that pain because you can't bring him back to life. But I wanted to help and to me I feel like that's enough. The thought isn't always what counts, but I think that in this case it does.

Sorry if I wasn't clear. I value my friends above almost everything else, and I definitely did not mean to imply otherwise.

6/1/2008 #32
zalance08

you know cakenoodle, according to what you've said about true friends who don't get nice after they realize that they can't get anything from you, i think they are not what you can call TRUE FRIENDS...there's a more accurate term for such persons----SO-CALLED FRIENDS!

you can't call them friends if they're like that, you know?

hmm...if they are a really friend of yours, they shouldn't get tired of you even if you always do what they don't want...and besides, true friends will be forever nice...even if sometimes you make a fool out of yourself, they will not continue...but forever will be with you even if they look ridiculous being around you... :)

hey thats just some kind of figure of speech...don't take it seriously,okay? :P

6/1/2008 #33
zalance08

ah...i see...well, sorry for the misunderstanding...you know, there are many possible cases about your statement a long ago...uhm...so you don't know how to make her feel better because of that event?...

uhm...you know, i didn't meant that "always be there for my friend" literally...well, i can advice you something you can do for her...

you just have to let her be alone for a while...it's hard to forget that when you have someone around you...and you can comfort her even if you don't hug, cry with her or make her laugh...and i think making her laugh will be much worse...uhm...lets see...i think all you can do for her is to wait until she recovered...by that, when she's ready to face the world again, you will be the first one to greet her with smile(i was just making it exag, lol)...and ...uhm...and besides, her problem, i think she's the only one who can help herself...^^

6/1/2008 #34
half-sketched.staccatos

konban wa

I'm thankful for the advice, but no -- that's not really what I meant. It's different for every person and I'm sure that for many people you know that'd work, but that's not what she needs. What she needs is what I -- along with all her other friends -- gave her. It happened about a month ago now, and we've been helping her through. She does need to have a laugh every once in a while, and I'm not ashamed to give that to her; I don't feel like it's putting her in some sort of denial. It doesn't, not at all. It's how she gets through it -- she can't think about him every minute of every day. But anyway, no, I don't need advice with her... she's doing fine -- as fine as can be expected, anyway. I was just trying to make a point, really.

6/1/2008 #35
zalance08

ah...i see...well, people are different...lol

sorry again!hahaha...

I'm not really good at such things^^

maybe i shouldn't have said that^^

whew!

6/1/2008 #36
half-sketched.staccatos

konnichi wa

No, don't ever be sorry for offering advice (unless your advice somehow gets someone killed... but I doubt that's likely to happen). It is helpful, really; it just happens to be that's not how I would help my friend. Giving her space would be... well, for it would seem like everyone was abandoning her and just make it harder to deal with the world. So we've pretty much been sticking to her like glue, though not in the oppressive sense. And she's really doing very well.

But we're getting so off topic right now, LoL!

6/1/2008 #37
4tehlessthan3of0scoreintennis

When I said true friend, I meant me. The person that didn't reciprocate that feeling was my friend... no "so-called" friend.

She likes to think she's always right, says "I'm nice" in that cutsie, irritating voice.She always chastises us for swearing-- and she considers "shut up" a bad word. But yet, she calls her standpartner a b***, and once told me to S***. There was also the time I accidently stepped on a ketchup packet and a spot got on her shoe. I sincerely said I was sorry. And then she told me she "expected payment" for it. Yet last year, she threw a piece of chicken at me because she wanted me to shut up. I forgave her for that a long time ago without an apology because that's what friends do. And now that I look back on it, I shouldn't have because she never acted like a friend. She tells me all about her problems, and thanks me for listening, but when I try to tell her about mine, she meanly says "And what do you want me to do about it?" And she hits us, and not playfully. I think friends should never do that. Hitting makes it seem like you have the authority over your friend, but you don't. Friendship can only be based on the grounds of equality. Respect is needed in all relationships, and if you allow others to disrespect you, you're just a doormat.

So now when she does stuff like that, I yell at her and tell her what a hypocrite she is, but she denys that she ever did those things, but I know she remembers them. She just wants to seem like an angel, but she can't hide that pitchfork.

And I really pity my other friend because he sits there and takes it. He calls himself "her punching bag". Sometimes he'll stand up for himself, but most of the time I defend him and yell the hell out of her just because I want to tell her what a hypocrite she is.

*sigh* Great relationship, huh?

but now I'm getting off topic. please excuse my rant.

6/1/2008 #38
SeaBird13

I'm sorry that your 'friend' acts that way. I have one of those myself, it seems that every week she has some reason that she won't talk to myself and my other friends because of something we did or did not do (such as accidentally dropping a pencil and leaning down to pick it up while she was talking, though she claims we were ignoring her). It has gone so far to being if we associate with someone she's mad at that she won't talk to us because she believes us to be siding with them. Then by the end of the her little tantrum she expects a full apology from each of us. When I finally was fed up with it, she came to me with an apology about how she is sorry that she acted the way she did, however I was being a bit mean to her.

Ugh, the drama of high school and friendships.

6/26/2008 #39
half-sketched.staccatos

Drama. Yes, I quite agree. (Hm, "quite" has a way of making whatever you're saying sound British, LoL.) Fortunately, I have very few -- if any -- friends like that. I'm glad to say that I love all of my friends to pieces. :-)

A while ago I had a very close friend who was... hm, fiesty. She was always the type to get mad for petty reasons and then hold a grudge. I was the one to whom she told all her problems -- all the people she hated for one reason or another, all the people she'd never talk to again, etc. One day, she got mad at me and stormed home. Not a big reason, really. I figured that if I didn't apologize, we'd lose our friendship. Just as I was about to call her that night, she called me, apologizing profusely, saying she was being a j*** and all that jazz. It really meant a lot to me to see that she actually called me... She never called people to apologize, always expecting that curtesy to be extended to her and not from her. But she called because our friendship meant more to her than that.

That's definitely a true friend. One who is willing to go against what she's used to doing just to keep your friendship alive.

6/26/2008 #40
lymli

to me a friend is somebody who you can trust and have good times and bad times too.

6/28/2008 #41
half-sketched.staccatos

konban wa

*nods* Agreed.

6/29/2008 #42
4tehlessthan3of0scoreintennis

I agree too.

Wow. This is a really mature audience. I made a forum asking the same question on another site and I got stupid (but funny) things like "someone who will help you hide the body" and "Someone you can drunkenly make out with and not be awkward with the next day".

6/29/2008 #43
Ventus Shadows

Weird.

6/29/2008 #44
Ventus Shadows

I say a friend is someone who will protect you, and you will protect them. No matter what, you'll always b able to trust each other.

6/29/2008 #45
half-sketched.staccatos

konnichi wa

Who will protect you at the same time and hide your secrets, yes... but sometimes, when it's dangerous for you, they'll tell someone. Even if you'll hate the person forever, that constitutes a good friend -- someone who is willing to put the actual friendship at risk because they care more about you being safe than you being pissed off.

6/30/2008 #46
PoetryQueen

I think what makes a good friend is some one who will tell you how it is. A good friend will tell you what you need to hear; not what you want to. You should also be able to talk to them without worry of what they will think. They should be able to put your needs before their own.

8/13/2008 #47
half-sketched.staccatos

konnichi wa

Tell it like it is, yes... but not necessarily always. Sometimes what you need to hear is a lie -- not to make you feel better/good about yourself but... Well, I can't think of an example at the moment, but sometimes you need the lie as opposed to the painful truth. Obviously not with something like, "How does this look on me?" Something more serious than that. A true friend isn't someone who'll be bluntly honest to the point of breaking your heart but at the same time won't be afraid to tell you, "You're acting like a j*** right now to everyone." She/he can balance both.

8/13/2008 #48
Keigo H

I belive that a friend is someone who both gives to you and takes back equally and willingly! Because there are people out there who just take from people and don't give back and I think that then you have to distance yourself from that person because their not your friend!

9/4/2008 #49
Keigo H

OH yes I also belive that a friend is someone who tells you the truth and not what you want to hear! But sometimes its a good thing if they tell you what you want to hear but only sometimes if you know what I mean ^.^

9/4/2008 #50
half-sketched.staccatos

konban wa

Yes, I understand that. On the opposite end, though, your friend also can't be someone who gives and gives and never takes anything in return. Maybe people don't think of this, but taking is just as important as giving. It is in human nature that we need to feel needed; we want to feel like we are necessary. If my friend just gives and gives and she never asks for or needs anything from me in return, I begin to feel somewhat useless. You need someone who, as you said, will give and take equally. Not just take... but also not just give.

konban wa ~Shan~

9/4/2008 #51
Keigo H

yes that is so true... I get the jist of what your saying and it's important that we feel needed because without that then we feel like we have no reason to live ...so just like food friends are a nessesity of life! ^.^

9/5/2008 #52
PurpleDino

To me, a friend is someone you can talk to about anything and you know they will listen and won't judge you. A real friend won't talk about you behind your back. They can make you smile super easily and are honest to you, even if that means hurting your feelings. But a hug is enough to cheer you up when they let you down. Haha. Thats a little bit how my friends are. There's a lot more though but I'm at school so I can't put a lot. . .

9/22/2008 #53
unheartedboy

A friend is someone who would sacrifice something for you.

12/5/2008 #54
S. Valle

a friend to me is that they help you out of things, that they have similar interests as you but also has interests of their own. A friend is someone who you can laugh and have fun with. someone who's not afraid to tell you the truth and who wont stab you the back. A friend ends rumors about you instead of starting them. Someone who picks you up when your down and who'll listen to you and your problems and gives you good advice.

this is my definition of a good friend

12/13/2008 #55
half-sketched.staccatos

konban wa

I think most people first meet friends based on who has something in common with them. Then, as you get to know your friends, you realize that they have so many things that are not the same; and that is what makes them wonderful. After all, if we were all the same, what a monotony we would live, no?

Ha det -Shan-

12/13/2008 #56
S. Valle

true

12/13/2008 #57
Becksibee From Gryffindor

To me a friend like me for who i am, now what i can be. Someone who is there for me in a time of need, who puts up with my low moments and is a shoulder to cry on during them. Someone who can make you laugh, and enjoy time togeather, when skint will pay for a night out or tickets to the cinema. Someone you can 'totty spot' on a bored Sunday afternoon at work before the manager sports you gabbing so she has to run off. Someone who puts up with your Harry Potter obsession and concent talking of your favorite Rugby League team (to the point were Dawn is now into rugby and suporting the same team). Someone who you can just sit with in sliecnce, not having to say a word and feel comfortable.

This a a thousand more things. I am VERY lucky. I have 3 best friends who i see all the time. And one who lives down south. But i love them all equally.

5/15/2009 #58
moongazer7

A friend is a person who epistemologically shares your values, can look at the same angle as you, Disagrees at some point however respects your views, and can ethically agree. A friend must stand up to the truth and be forward with another. One must learn to be friends while being completely selfish and self interested. One must still look after one interests first, yet be a friend.

5/27/2009 #59
Broken-Angel-1994

My definition of a friend, is somone who you just click with. Who you don't have to impress for them to hang out with you. I'd do anything for my friends, and they'd do anything for me. No matter what, we've got each other's backs. ( They have proven this to me many times. )

A friend tell you the truth, even if it hurts. But they aren't rude about it.

Someone who sees all the crazy things you do, and still loves you anyway.

7/26/2009 #60
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