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@Tsuchimikaze Good point!


I am looking for a beta reader for a couple of stories. They are all fantasy/supernatural based, with some romance. I need someone to make sure my grammar's cleaned up, and to do what real editors do, which is go over characterization and plots with me. If that might pique your interest, please send me a PM!

5/28/2012 #811
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu

I'm not too sure on how you'll see DR and lookingwest's grammar standards, but I do have a very positive image on their stuff in this end. (But then again with this coming from a bloke who can't even progress beyond GCE'O level Engrish... :S)

As for the characterizing, I know I sound like a random fella in the confession box... but still yeah, I guess AD will be a very interesting prospect. You don't get to see stuff like The Angel Kristoph that quite frankly is FP's answer to crack. ;)

In-plot, well I guess either lookingwest or AD can help out quite a bit. I Never Said I Was Brave comes across to me as far more "fantasy" than supernatural. AD on the other hand...

Whoops, forgot to mention romance. DR should be able to help out on that end since guy/gal has a proven track record on romance fics here. :)

5/28/2012 . Edited 5/28/2012 #812
Rin Arnand

Hello Everyone.

I'm looking for more reviews for my story "Power's Pride" (link included at the bottom of the post.) Thanks!

I request two things of a reviewer:

1) Please make sure your review includes constructive criticism.

2) Please read both the Prologue and Chapter 1 (the Prologue isn't long, don't worry). Then tell me if you would continue reading the story based on the Prologue or Chapter 1. If you would continue reading it based on Chapter 1 but not the Prologue, that is very important for me to know.

In return, I will do two things for a reviewer:

1) I will read a story of your choice up to five chapters.

2) I will provide an indepth review of each chapter I read.

Story Summary:

The peace treaty between humans and witches is in shambles after a generation of the human king purposely violating the agreements and seeking to either completely enslave or eradicate the witches living within his borders. Now Witch Queen Erindel must find the man born to be Witch King and convince him to fight to protect their people. Or take matters int her own hands.Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,654 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5-28-12

Story Link:

5/29/2012 #813
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu

Okay, I tried my best to hit the review trail. The problem? The weather screwed my country (and by the extension of state towards the citizens, me as well) So erm yeah, for those whom I owed reviews to, pls PM me. My focus has gone 90% dead due to Al Gore's inconvenient prophecy rising up the heat. x.x;

5/29/2012 #814
Marla's Found

How does a person/author subscribe to "The Bar" this like a club? I've only written one fictionpress story and it's multichaptered but I'd like to reach a bigger audience and of course when my muse is waning I'd like to see some good romance fiction to inspire me.

What do I need to do to be a member?

Marla's Found

5/29/2012 #815

@Marla's Found

All you have to do is review anyone you see here requesting reviews. You can go introduce yourself on the Introductions thread if you'd like, but you don't have to.

The only catch is that most of the people here, (pretty much everyone I think), has a return-review policy. So that means that if you request reviews and you receive reviews, you are usually expected to review that person in return. It works vis-versa too, if you review someone in this thread, they should return the courtesy to you.

That's not originally how things started at the Bar from my understanding, but it's fairly common with everyone now. So even though you don't *have* to return reviews etc., you'll get better turn-outs if you do offer that option.

5/29/2012 #816
Old xRayneWolfx account

Reviewed the following:

The Angel Kristoph; chap. one

Penumbrae; chap. seven

Hakujou no Enjinsha Black; chap. two


Going to return reviews to the other people I owe still today and tomorrow.. So I'm not gonna request reviews till I'm done with the rest of my review list. =D sorry for the confusion.. Have a good day.

5/30/2012 #817
Marla's Found

Okay I think I got this. My name is Marla and I love fiction that is Romance and Comedy. I've only written and still writing one story for Ficiton Press. It's called Anchor Baby and it's about an ordinary fellow who has a one night stand with a Victoria Secret model who gets pregnant just as her work VISA is expiring. The substory is a widow and her son trying to live life without the anchor of a husband or father. The two kids meet and between Libby and Zach....sparks fly! Anchor Baby is the only story listed.

I would love for someone to read a few chapters and critique the storyline and just let me know if it's something that most people would want to continue reading.

True to the rules of The Bar, I have read and reviewed two wonderful little oneshots/poems:

Home Improvement, by Anna Rosa was pretty graphic but a great read. It's rated M for violence but had my attention immediately. Nicely written.

When the Warrior, by xRayne Aleu Wolfx - a poem that is succient and well written and looks great - I'd like to have it framed in needlepoint and put on my wall!

Thanks for letting me join the bar and I'll have a Diet and Crown with my dinner. *Cheers*

5/30/2012 #818
Rin Arnand

Hi Marla.

The premise you stated here makes your story sound like something I'd enjoy reading. I'll review your summary and a few of your chapters after I get home from work tonight. _

5/30/2012 #819
Marla's Found

Thanks! I'd appreciate that. Do you have any of your own that you can recommend?

5/30/2012 #820
Marla's Found

I have read Power's Pride by Rin Lyons and found that chapter one was more complete and left fewer questions than the prologue. Chapter one sets up the conditions amd absolute alone-ness of being locked in a cell. Very descriptive and I even had an "ew" moment. The Hunter's (besides The Hound) could use a little more description although - yet the simplistic of it was okay.

I am subscribing because I want to see how Rin gets out of her predicament.

good entertainment.

5/30/2012 #821
Rin Arnand

Thank you for the helpful reviews, Marla. I've read and reviewed the first five chapters of "Anchor Baby". I'll be reading more of it because it was an enjoyable and light read - just the way I like my romance stories. _

5/30/2012 #822
Dr. Self Destruct

Hey guys!

I'm pretty much all caught up in my owed reviews. I'm still requesting feedback for Who's Eating Eric Lynch? and The Angel Kristoph, and I'll return all reviews over a couple lines or so. I just recently updated Who's Eating Eric Lynch? so some comments on the new chapter would be very helpful.

Thanks. :)

5/30/2012 #823

I reviewed:

Crash, ch 4

Little Bloodbeat, ch 2

Anchor Baby, ch 1


Please review Beautiful Dreams, Twisted Realities. I return reviews over a line long. Thanks!

5/30/2012 #824
Marla's Found

Completed both chapters of Eating Eric Lynch and it was great. I got a bit confused on the sex of the psychologist/psychiatrist(sp) but went back and it was clarified - now I'm wondering what happened to the previous one after what Eric said about the "others" - great story and would be a good episode of Twilight Zone.

Liked it alot. Good author.

5/31/2012 #825
Rin Arnand

I've reviewed mingsquared's story "The Blossom's Fall".

Ming's writing style is excellent and he does a great job of actually being descriptive about his world and characters. Furthermore, he clearly did a lot of research to build his story, and you can really appreciate the amount of detail he puts into the world. I highly recommend everyone give this story a try.

5/31/2012 #826
Marla's Found

Loved chapter 2 of Whirlymerle's Potpourri "Of Prom and Toilets" I was drinking coffee and laughing. I'll confess I thought it was a mystery at first (wrong Scooby-Doo!) but just a little wittism that was nice and entertaining.

I'd recommend it for a good chuckle.

5/31/2012 #827

Everyone should read The Angel Kristoph I just reviewed the first chapter. I was completely disgusted and I loved it.

6/1/2012 #828
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu

Reviewed Power's Pride. Sadly the OS called my brain is dying to shut down. So yeah, nothing coming up next until tomorrow. Hopefully that is. The past one week plus has been really weird as in everything Google tend to load slowly on an erratic basis.

So now guess I should ask for reviews on A Ranger's Tale. Aldrea-Draco, I've reviewed The Angel Kristoph before you shot me the review salvo just to be fair. ;) Not that I'm forcing myself to anyway. Thankfully I don't need a confession box come this weekend. :D

@Rin: I won't say I'm gonna rage quit on you based on what I've seen in the prologue. It needs some work, but still a promising start is a promising start. Hopefully I can pop back up on chapter one since I believe the real deal will happen here. :)

P.S: Something really random. My dad farted. And he admitted to it. x.x

6/1/2012 . Edited 6/1/2012 #829
Rin Arnand

Thanks for the review, Tsumu. I'll be sure to return the favor on "A Ranger's Tale" when I get some free time later today. And hey, if someone did rage quit after reading something I posted as a story, at least then I'd know my writing was powerful enough to cause strong emotions in others, right? _

6/1/2012 #830
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu

LOL good one there me'lass! Yer a fine filly fit to hold a blade! :)

6/1/2012 #831

Just read the first chapters of Power's Prideand I think the second chapter was much stronger than the prologue.

6/1/2012 #832

Hmm. I haven't been here in months. Or weeks. Idk...

Anyway, requesting reviews for Penumbrae. I'm not picky with reviews or whatever chapter you choose to read. Reviews are reviews and I appreciate every single one. I review back as soon as I'm able to, but keep in mind I have exams right now. Thanks in advance. ___

Btw, I've been getting a lot of email alerts from this thread recently... probably because of the amount of posts being... well, posted. And looking at it right now, I'm not surprised cos a lot of new people have joined. Hello there! But please keep the conversations in the Lounge or the Pool or via PM because this thread is basically for reviews only :)

Link: here.

6/1/2012 #833


My name is Tony (TonyL)

I like to write and I also like to read. I have read some very good stories on Fictionpress and figured I would try my hand at writing. I have several stories on this site but the story I would like to have reviewed is "When a Woman Falls in Love"

The story takes place during the late 60's Katherine came from wealth and she married a commercial fisherman at 18, At 22 she was a widow. The story is about her trying to come to terms with the love of her life's death and the possibility she could fall in love again.

I have reviewed the followingBeautiful Dreams, Twisted Realities andThe Warrior

As I said I like to write and honest criticism is the only way one can improve. I will do my best to review stories of my reviewers, and others .

I hope I did this right

6/1/2012 #834
A Fire Rose

I am going to admit right now that I am going to have to come back later and read stories (because I do actually have to sleep sometime), but I'd love it if someone would review "The Daisy's Albatross" in the meantime.

Thanks so much!

6/2/2012 #835

Hi! After an awfully long time thinking about writing it I have decided to write my first Romantic Comedy! I would really appreciate any reviews and feedback you can give to help me make it really good :) It's called 'Perfectly Imperfect In Every Way' and the summary is below. I will, of course, return all reviews :D

Candice and Cameron are polar opposites. She's an uptight perfectionist who can't refer to sex without blushing, and he's a shameless player, flirt and lover and leaver extraordinaire. So they really shouldn't be attracted to each other. But there's something about office parties that gets people every time...

6/2/2012 #836

I reviewed chapters 1 and 2 of When a Woman Falls in Love by TonyL.

Please review Beautiful Dreams, Twisted Realities. Thanks!

6/2/2012 . Edited 6/2/2012 #837
A Fire Rose

Reviewed chapter one of Apple Juice Kisses, as a start

Please review "The Daisy's Albatross" -- Thanks!

6/2/2012 #838

Just updated The Blossom's Fall. Any reviews over two lines will be returned.

[Link Here]

6/2/2012 #839
Old xRayneWolfx account

Reviewed the following so far:

Some purple ink: Tales from Mortia: Rilly

Dreamer's-requiem: A night at the Opera

Mingsquared: The blossom's fall

and Tsumujikaze no Soujustsu: The forgotten song


I would love some reviews on "Trickster of Spectra" it would be greatly appreciated.. , just updated it :) I'll return all of the reviews sometime this week and keep up with the ones I already owe so far.. :) Thank you kindly in advance..

Link: Here you go..

6/2/2012 #840
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