The Roadhouse
It's simple. Come in here, get reviews, read good stories, meet interesting people. What's not to love? Open to all. Rock and roll.
New Follow Forum Follow Topic
« Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 13 .. Last Next »
No Longer An Account

I returneded . . .

12/23/2008 #61
FuckMeAlice

Hi there!

How goes it?

12/23/2008 #62
No Longer An Account

Not bad.

I was reading that Twilight parody and if what it says about Jacob's conversation with Bella is true, than Twilight is an insult to all natural-born citizens of the North American continent. Seriously.

But other than that, I'm good.

12/23/2008 #63
FuckMeAlice

Which conversation?

I'm pretty good too. I am so annoyed right now, but... yeah, I'm peachy.

12/23/2008 #64
No Longer An Account

Vampires and werewolves? From the folklore of Indians living in western Washington? Are you f*cking kidding me? ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!?! Yeah, because PEOPLE LIVING IN NORTH F*CKING AMERICA are going to be SOOOO familiar with INDO-EUROPEAN FOLKLORE! GAAAAAAAH! YOU STUPID LIMER HUN! HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE DONE ENOUGH TO THE INDIANS!?!? STEPHANIE MEYER, WHEN I FIND YOU, I AM GOING NATTY "HAWKEYE" BUMPO ON YOUR A**! RAAAWR! RED-BLOODED AMERICAN WHO IS PROUD OF HIS CULTURAL HERITAGE ANGRY! RED-BLOODED AMERICAN WHO IS PROUD OF HIS CULTURAL HERITAGE SMASH!

*added*

That one.

12/23/2008 . Edited 12/23/2008 #65
FuckMeAlice

Oh, that one. Yeah, it's completely accurate. Want to garotte her yet?

12/23/2008 #66
No Longer An Account

Garotte her? No. I want to cut off her scalp with a buck knife and hang it on my belt, and then put her out of her misery with a hatchet, because it would do my Choctaw ancestors proud. And I bet my Irish ancestors would approve as well.

To paraphrase Last of the Mohicans:

Mogua was taken in by the 20th-century Americans and raised as one of them, but in his heart, he is Kra*t/Mickey Finn/Skraeling.

12/23/2008 . Edited 12/23/2008 #67
FuckMeAlice

My ancestors would also approve, I'm sure.

12/23/2008 #68
No Longer An Account

Gad, I am so p*ssed off. Stupid limer hun b*tch . . . couldn't resist just one last jab at the people you've been f*cking over for the past three hundred years, could you? What happens in the next book, Miz Meyer? Do we find out that CuChulainn and Fionn MacCumhail were vampires, so that we can go full circle with the whole "jabbing at the people you've been f*cking over for the past three hundred years" theme?

Grrr . ..

12/23/2008 #69
FuckMeAlice

Haha, little do you know.

12/23/2008 #70
No Longer An Account

Well, if I can find a publisher for Ghost Dance (I'll need to write some short related stuff if I want it published because it ended up being a really long novella more than an actual book), I'll be able to point out how my story is alot better than Twilight in terms of advancing feminism.

Twilight: Bella is assaulted by thugs who apparently popped out of the f*cking ground and is saved deus-ex-machina style by her Ayn-Rand's-wet-dream superhuman of a boyfriend.

Ghost Dance: Some assh*les have trapped Linda and one of them is attempting to force her to perform f*** on him. She headbutts him in the wedding tackle (for which I want so badly to include Linda saying a bad pun and/or "Yippe ki yay, m***") and gets away all on her lonesome.

STILL SO ANGRY . . ..

12/23/2008 . Edited 12/23/2008 #71
FuckMeAlice

Yeah, anyone who says Twilight is a book that promotes the independence of women anywhere... they're wrong. If I had a daughter, I would not want her to have Bella as a model.

12/23/2008 #72
No Longer An Account

Y'know who's a good role model for young women?

Boudica.

12/23/2008 #73
FuckMeAlice

She sure is. I remember when I was little and perusing a book of stuff like that, she was my f*cking hero.

You know what else? I gotta say, Tamora from Titus Adronicus. Whoa.

12/23/2008 #74
No Longer An Account

And Marian Ravenwood from Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

And . . .

Yeah, that's about it.

And about Marian Ravenwood:

I'll tell my daughter, "Lorelei (when I have a daughter I'm going to name her Lorelei Boudica Davis), be strong. Run your own small business. Be able to out-drink enormous Slavik men who come to your tavern. And most important of all, if Harrison Ford shows up, sleep with him, no matter how much contempt you feel for him."

*added*

The best quote in the world is attributed to Boudica:

"We shall show the Romans that they are hares and foxes ruling over dogs and wolves."

12/23/2008 . Edited 12/23/2008 #75
FuckMeAlice

Good quote.

I almost completely forgot about Boudiccea. I haven't read about her for so long.

12/23/2008 #76
No Longer An Account

She was definately the ultimate bad*ss. And she was a redhead, so that gives her even more points from me. Apparently she was named after the Icene (I think that's how it's spelled) goddess of warfare; definately a good choice.

My personal hero's always been Natty Bumpo.

12/23/2008 #77
FuckMeAlice

Natty Bumpo?

12/23/2008 #78
No Longer An Account

Hawkeye, from Last of the Mohicans. Ultimate American butt-kicking outdoorsman.

12/23/2008 #79
FuckMeAlice

Ah, I see. Sounds great.

12/23/2008 #80
No Longer An Account

Wikipedia article on him:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natty_Bumpo

Apparently there's two p's in Bumppo.

***

Wikipedia is the ultimate achievement of western civilisation.

12/23/2008 . Edited 12/23/2008 #81
FuckMeAlice

Wikipedia is amazing.

I'll check the article later. I haven't had my coffee.

EDIT- Coffee is the ultimate achievement of all mankind. We were created to discover coffee.

12/23/2008 . Edited 12/23/2008 #82
No Longer An Account

Apparently Bella also takes Soma, er, I mean cold medicine to help her get to sleep . . . isn't it just f*cking WONDERFUL that so many young people are reading again?

12/23/2008 #83
FuckMeAlice

Hehe, yeah.

She also throws herself off a cliff later to hear Edward's voice. Granted, she's bungee-jumping, but still.

12/23/2008 #84
No Longer An Account

That's just . . . sad.

I am going to have to go to the library and see if they have Twilight, because I HAVE to read it. For the same reason that people feel compelled to watch "hilarious sports accidents" tv shows, or feel compelled to go to meatspin.com even though they can plainly guess what's there.

12/23/2008 #85
FuckMeAlice

It's great to read for comedy's sake.

And by the way,, aforementioned bungee-jumping incident? New Moon.

12/23/2008 #86
No Longer An Account

Just the first one should be enough to solidify my "racism and antifeminism" argument. I hope.

Right, because Jacob is an Indian, he's OF COURSE going to know EVERY SINGLE ONE of the stories passed down by his ancestors, becuase it's not like Indians have jobs, go to school, or contribute to society, no, they just sit around smoking weed, drinking p*** tea, and telling stories all day . . . when they're not busy dancing in circles around bonfires and skirmishing with the U.S. Army's cavalry . . .

Five bucks says Stephanie Meyer can play Custer's Revenge all the way through without cringing.

12/23/2008 . Edited 12/23/2008 #87
FuckMeAlice

Oh probably.

Not only is that particular scene blatantly racist, by the way, it's also some really bad story-telling. I mean seriously, Jacob was a caracter created only for exposition.

12/23/2008 #88
No Longer An Account

How. Me Jacob Moon Bear, me Big Chief. You listen. Many moons ago, my people live-um in an Edan-esque Utopia in the Big Woods, but then white man comes across Big Water, and werewolves also apparently, and white man turn-um out to be vampires, or something. May the Great Spirit be-um with you.

12/23/2008 #89
FuckMeAlice

Ouch.

The book would have been that much better if it turned out that Jacob was actually just pulling Bella's chain and using her ignorance for his amusement. That's what I would have done.

12/23/2008 #90
« Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 13 .. Last Next »
Forum Moderators: Dolvich Mi.Ishi
Rules:
  • Forums are not to be used to post stories.
  • All forum posts must be suitable for teens.
  • The owner and moderators of this forum are solely responsible for the content posted within this area.
  • All forum abuse must be reported to the moderators.
Membership Length: 2+ years 1 year 6+ months 1 month 2+ weeks new member