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TheMonomaniacalGoblin

HOW AND WHEN TO CALL EMS (Emergency Medical Services):

You`re probably reading this, rolling your eyes at me. But I feel as if it must be said- calling EMS is probably the part people screw up on.

1. If you are alone, CALL FOR HELP. Never leave your victim. If you are absolutely in the middle of nowhere, call EMS yourself. If you are not sure if the problem if serious enough to call EMS or not, call anyway. You can always call off the ambulance. You can also call back if the situation gets worse. The ambulance will come even faster.

2. Make sure the person you`re sending to call EMS is not under influence of drugs or alcohol, and is not going into shock from the situation. Recite the following speech:

"You, in the (prominent article of clothing)! Go call (number of EMS services), tell them we have an (conscious/unconscious) (male/female) (victim/child/infant) with an (other injury) at (state specific location). Ask them to bring an AED, and report back to me. Do you understand?"

Ex. "You, in the WHITE NIKE SWEATER! Go call 911, tell them we have an UNCONSCIOUS MALE VICTIM with a THIRD DEGREE BURN at JERICHO BEACH. Ask them to bring an AED, and report back to me. Do you understand?

3. Do not panic while calling EMS. The operator will speak very slowly and calmly, asking the mundane questions. Fon`t freak out and say "HELP MY FRIEND! THEY`RE HURT! GO HELP THEM, DAMN IT!" If you are on a landline, the ambulance will already be leaving the station once the operator picks up. The operater is simply getting information on the accident. If you are on a cell phone, you must discribe slowly and clearly your adress and location.

4. It is important to state everything that is wrong with the patient; the ambulance will come faster if the problem is more serious. For example, infants and children are at the top of the list, then come adults. Unconscious victims with no breathing and no pulse are higher priority than a broken limb. Tell the operator where you will meet the ambulance. do not hang up until they do.

5. Continue with ABCs, and do the best you can until the EMS comes.If you are performing CPR, don`t stop until the EMS services are READY TO TAKE OVER. When the ambulance arrives, they will survey the scene, and take a primary survey of the victim. You will be asked to tell them what you have done to help the victim, and if you saw what happened. Don`t leave unless you are given permission to.

Footnotes: Why the "Do you understand?" Simple. The person you are asking to call EMS might speak Chinese. Or Russian. Then you`re screwed.

Why the "Report back to me?" You want to know how fast the ambulance is going to come and such. Furthermore, the person might not call EMS at all. You have to make sure EMS comes, because you don`t want a dead person on your hands.

(edited for obnoxiousness)

11/16/2008 . Edited 11/16/2008 #31
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

Sorry, I spent forever typing up the EMS thing. Up next, Dusty`s question answered!

11/16/2008 #32
FuckMeAlice

No problemo, Winnebago. That was really informative.

11/16/2008 #33
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

TREATING A BULLET WOUND:

First, CALL EMS RIGHT AWAY. Then, LEAVING THE OBJECT IN PLACE, treat for bleeding.

Stabilize the object to prevent further damage. NEVER, EVER REMOVE THE OBJECT- it interrupts the clotting of blood and increases bleeding. The more blood the victim loses, the greater extent of the shock. Best best way to remember treating for bleeding if the acronym RED:

Rest the affected body part, reassure the victim. Speak in a slow, calm voice.

Elevate the body part above the heart to decrease blood flow.

Direct pressure applied over the wound with STERILE material, a large cloth bandage, for example. First, apply gauze over the wound, then tie the sterile material firmly and securely over the wound. If blood starts to seep through, tie another bandage over it. Apply pressure AROUND the bullet rather than on it to avoid pushing it deeper. The priority is to stop the bleeding.

Treat for Shock: Maintain body temperature, a*** breathing and circulation (make sure they`re breathing regularly, etc.), avoid moving the victim or causing them to strain to do any activity. Is is important, however, to at least move them into a position of comfort and that of which the bullet is above the heart.

(Edited for boldness)

11/16/2008 . Edited 11/16/2008 #34
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

I have edited all the important posts. Hopefully they`re obnoxious enough so that people will stop and read them.

11/16/2008 #35
FuckMeAlice

Very informative.

Yes, I think they're obnoxious enough.

They're almost like little recipes, 'cept they save your life.

11/16/2008 #36
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

If only I was this good at cooking (:

Hehehe.

11/16/2008 #37
FuckMeAlice

Yeah...

So, how 'bout we unwind at the Scuttlebutt?

11/16/2008 #38
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

Let`s go! :D

Until next time...

11/16/2008 #39
Caecilia

Gobs, if I was dying, I think you'd be the one that would save me...

*ignores the fact that it's a 5 hour drive*

11/16/2008 #40
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

I`d drive down there, too. xD

11/16/2008 #41
Caecilia

Yay!

Now, how many bottles of coke and packets of pop rocks would you need to ingest for it to become lethal (if it can even reach that)?

11/16/2008 #42
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

I don`t know... After 2 Litres of Coke, though... you`d probably explode without the help of pop rocks...

Edit: This needs to go through Dusty.

11/16/2008 . Edited 11/16/2008 #43
Caecilia

Yeah, I heard that Coke was too acidic to handle more than 2 liters.... But I wanted to know what would happen if you introduced pop rocks...

11/16/2008 #44
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

Here`s a funny kind of web I found... Might answer your question: http://www.bewarethecheese.com/cokeandrocks.htm

Edit: `parently, it`s a rumour.

11/16/2008 . Edited 11/16/2008 #45
FuckMeAlice

Won't do anything, or my cat would be dead...

11/16/2008 #46
Caecilia

Huh....

I bet if you took a LOT of it, you could rupture something.

11/16/2008 #47
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

(Snigger) Gasp - can`t breathe...- hic...

11/16/2008 #48
FuckMeAlice

Are we laughing at my ill-starred assassination attempt?

11/16/2008 #49
Caecilia

*laughs*

can't *gasp* breath!

*snickers more*

Poor kitty

*laughs more*

11/16/2008 #50
FuckMeAlice

Claimed in the name of killing that fat cat!

11/16/2008 #51
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

BWAHAHAHAA...

We`re not laughing at you, we`re laughing with you... unless you`re not laughing...

Edit: Should probably take this to the Scuttlebutt...

11/16/2008 . Edited 11/16/2008 #52
Caecilia

Don't kill the cat!

*still laughing*

11/16/2008 #53
FuckMeAlice

No... I'm not laughing.

...

Bwahahaha!

I was seven years old!!

11/16/2008 #54
FuckMeAlice

to the scuttlebutt.

11/16/2008 #55
Caecilia

Why'd you do it?

you were a twisted child, U'dust...

11/16/2008 #56
FuckMeAlice

That I was.

But to the scuttlebutt!

11/16/2008 #57
Caecilia

How hard would you have to throw a tv remote at someone's head to kill them? mph/kmph I think would be best... Whatever...

11/16/2008 #58
TheMonomaniacalGoblin

50 km/h... to be safe, 70.

11/16/2008 #59
Caecilia

You know how that converts to mph?

11/16/2008 #60
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