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I just did some quick Google searches and "taste the air" seems to be a common description when referring to reptiles. I quite like the visual, as well, actually, so I think you're good there. Just want to drop two more cents in here. I stumbled across this:

The term flavour is an alternative to taste in the context of food, with flavour referring to the overall perception that results from both taste and smell. Use of this term avoids the confusion otherwise produced by using taste to refer specifically to the sensations produced by stimulation of taste receptors, as well as to the combined sensations of taste and smell.

Not sure if it'll help.

7/21/2010 #421
Stylistic Nightmare

That does help. I think I'll definitely go with "flavour", or perhaps "essence". Both sound at least a little better than anything else I've been able to come up with. Thanks guys.

7/21/2010 #422


I just felt like venting. Backstage seemed the place to do it.

7/27/2010 #423

Still wondering how you write a drunk POV. Anyone got any FP examples?

7/31/2010 #424

hmm, nothing comes immediately to mind xen. nothing heaps good, at any rate :) but its not really my area, eh.

What the biy's version of the name lori? laurie? lorrie? does it matter?

8/2/2010 #425

Still wondering how you write a drunk POV


I'm probably going to say a lot about myself through answering this...but heigh ho. I come from the country of binge-drinking:

Well, it depends on what sort of POV it is. If it's a very personal one, such as first person, or with a lot of aside thoughts, personal reactions and musings, ect., then the best thing to remember is that drinking smashes inhibitions to rubble. Characters who might usually be taciturn or self-concious about offending other people will be more prone to blurt out or act upon thoughts and observations they'd usually keep to themselves. They're also more likely to be tactile and affectionate, make bonds with other people for no apparent reason (which can be wonderful if the other person is in a similar state, and mortifyingly awkward if they are sober)

They'll also display a more simplistic, child-like outlook on the world, more likely to make sweeping generalisations, and see situations as very straight-forward and black or white. This is why arguments are very easy to start amongst drunken people. Compromise goes out the window. It's very much 'I'm right, and if you don't agree with me you're WRONG'

Drunkeness also tends to sneak up on a person, especially in social situations. It doesn't always have the same outcome - sometimes it relaxes, sometimes it depresses, and sometimes it makes you crave sleep like nothing else - usually whatever mood is lurking underneath gets amplified ten-fold. A person who's getting thoroughly drunk will always come out with something along the lines of "I'm not that drunk." 9 times out of 10, they ARE that drunk, and then some. They will realise this tomorrow - if they remember anything.

Now, if it's more a sensory perspective you're after, I can unfortunately help with that too...

From my experience (both personal and dealing with other people) vision is one of the first things to go a little funny when mere tipsiness shifts into drunkenness. Eyes go glassy, and it's an effort to focus on things, but when you do, they're thrown into very sharp relief. It's as if everything beyond that area of focus is blurred and shadowy, as though its melting away at the edges. It's like you've been tipped into the back of your head, and you're having to observe the world from there with a pair of binoculars. That's the best way I can describe it...

Your head feels both heavy and light at the same time. The face may feel a little strange, or even numb. Last time I had one too many, I chewed a nice chunky hole in my lip out of boredom on the train home without even realising it.

So with all that in mind, when it comes to writing a drunk POV, it depends what you want to achieve with it. It's great for comedic effect, but it can also be quite a dark, unnerving moment as well. I can't think of any FP examples I'm afraid. I'm even pushed for book ones. I know there's a book called "Smashed: Growing Up a Drunk Girl"... technically, that should be riddled with them. I'll have a flick through it when I get home tonight and I'll let you know if I find anything.

8/2/2010 #426

Wow. That was really, really helpful. Thanks a lot!

I remember one example on fictionpress but it's in third person. You really don't see drunk first person POV's floating around the place, do you :p

8/2/2010 #427

Hey guys, at the moment I'm writing a fairytale for the other tales from avalon called the mad magician about a magician who is hired to rescue a lost baby from the fairy queen (lolrandomorwhut?). I have the twist, he hides his magic in his hair so he can save them at the last minuet. I have the way in which he hides the baby to escape (wrapped in brown paper and hidden under strong smelling onion-y type veg so the dogs can't track the baby. But what I need is a way in which they are discovered so it can cause them to flee, any suggestions?

8/3/2010 #428

I remember one example on fictionpress but it's in third person. You really don't see drunk first person POV's floating around the place, do you :p

Hmmm...not really - which is a shame, because they can be bloody funny when done right. XD

I'm glad my national vice and deviancy could be of service :P

I have the way in which he hides the baby to escape (wrapped in brown paper and hidden under strong smelling onion-y type veg so the dogs can't track the baby. But what I need is a way in which they are discovered so it can cause them to flee, any suggestions?First thing that comes to mind? It's a bit ick, but brown paper falls to pieces when it gets wet. All you need is for the baby to get a call of nature, and BOOM - baby on the floor.

8/3/2010 #429
Stylistic Nightmare

Or it starts screaming, as babies seem to always do.

8/3/2010 #430

both brilliant ideas, i think that may be the answer in deed, although now i'm not sure which, peeing certainly would be funnier, but crying slightly more believable, then again it is a fairy tale so it doesn't need to be believable.

thanks guys, it's given me something to think about

8/3/2010 #431

I totally read these questions, but then forgot to answer them. Kinda glad I didn't, though, because everyone else had better ideas to toss in! XD

Good work, guys.

8/3/2010 #432

Okay, dilemma!

I have a 20 page + screenplay to write, by Sunday night, and I am torn between two ideas. As always, I started, had a massive confidence fail, and now at the eleventh hour, I am getting the simple, invigorating ideas that I wish I'd been able to summon last week.

The first idea is the one I started but had a confidence fail with. The central theme is escapism, and it's a grim, slow-burner of a tale about a family trying to hold itself together. The central character, Elsa, is temporarily returned to her childhood home to sort it and its contents out after the death of her mother. The house is in a sprawling, rural village, and the surrounding community is riddled with bittersweet ties and memories of a life Elsa's spent a good deal of her adulthood trying to distance herself from.

However, her mother's death couldn't have come at a worse time. Elsa's son, Jared, born and raised in a city environment, has recently committed an act of violence with his 'friends' that have sent his parents opinions of him, themselves, and their lifestyle into disarray. Not knowing what to do with him, they are keeping him locked up in Elsa's old bedroom while they decide what to do about him. Their younger daughter, Megan, is also causing Elsa concern. She's a quiet, irrational girl, happier talking to her grandmother's cat than either of her parents, and warping the life around her into wild, outlandish fairy-tales, of monsters locked in towers, spiteful fairy families at war, and misanthropic, fantastical beings.

That's the set up anyway. The core story I have planned is Elsa and Megan interacting with members of the community, who are all important figures in Elsa's past and/or development, and Megan interpreting things in her own, fantastical way. Elsa's husband, Rick, thinks they should give up their city life, and take over the house, rather than clean it up and sell it, but Elsa can't think of anything worse than leaping back into the goldfish bowl life-style she fought so hard to get out of. The only thing that makes her refrain from an outright refusal is concern for her childrens welfare, and Megan picks up on her misery, and sets about on a personal quest to rid the family of the 'monster' they have to guard. I'm not quite sure where it will go, but the climax will be Jared convincing a secondary character to let him out. I'm not sure exactly what he'll do when let out, but it's probably not going to be very pleasant. I do like this idea, but I'm worried it can get clogged up and over-complicated far too easily, and that I won't be able to do it justice.

The second idea, one I only had today, is based in the urban fantasy AU I've been brewing, and is about two wannabe witches' underwhelming experience in summoning a demonic familiar. It would be an attempt at a satire, and pretty tongue in cheek, and would have the 'demon' they manage to summon dismissing a lot of their requests with "Health and safety..."

So, which one to go for? I'd greatly appreciate feedback as to which one sounds more enjoyable/interesting.

8/6/2010 #433
Stylistic Nightmare

Personally, I like the sound of the second one. That's probably mostly because I liked the idea of witches and demons and magic. It looks like you put a hell of a lot of thought into the first idea, but I say go for the second one anyway.

8/6/2010 #434

Haha - yeah... The first one's a sort of basic set up I've been mulling over for a while. Characters get chopped and changed, but the basic concept is the same. It's possibly better suited to a novel than a screenplay.

The second one came thanks to a conversation with Emily/Potter...I came out with a similar spiel about how it was all about escapism, and the complexity of family relationships and all that stuff, and she was like "Mine's about zombies in the Wild West"

Which made me wonder why I can never let myself have cool, simple ideas... :P

8/6/2010 #435
Stylistic Nightmare

It's possibly better suited to a novel than a screenplay.I would have to agree with you there. Just from what you wrote, it seems to me like a screen play just wouldn't do it proper justice.

Which made me wonder why I can never let myself have cool, simple ideas... :PHaha yeah. Simple works best sometimes.

8/6/2010 #436

Oh wow I read this but forgot to reply. I agree that one idea sounds better for a novel and the other for a screenplay.

8/7/2010 #437

I have a question for the smokers out there. If you drop a cigarette onto yourself does it burn a hole through your clothes?

8/9/2010 #438

I'm not a smoker, but I have smoked occasionally.

And yes. The cherry of a cigarette is very hot. I had numerous cigarette burns on my old sofa from where my flatmate, my flatmate's alcoholic friend, and occasionally me, had dropped a ciggie due to drunken clumsiness.

The general rule is, if I have a cigarette in my hand, and I'm not trying to hide the fact I'm not actually smoking it, I am shit-faced. Anything below that, and the taste of a drag makes me feel sick.

8/9/2010 #439

It depends how fast my reflexes are at the time.

Usually I'm able to grab it before it does any damage. If it's left there for about ten seconds (depending on the fabric) it'll burn a hole. Less than ten seconds (usually) it'll just leave burn marks (i.e. brown/black mark that messes up the fabric). Other times (if I'm fast enough) it won't do anything.

8/9/2010 #440

Yes they do burn holes in your clothes, usually the nice ones. And it hurts an awful lot when you don't realise and gets to your skin, I have found with roll-ups the burn on your skin is usually a strange yellowy-white colour, more so then ordinary burns, probably because people do notice, and remove the offending fag before too long.

Also natural clothing burns much more then man-made fibers, but things like poly-fibres will melt a bit on your skin. The devil's in the details

8/9/2010 #441

Eek. Thanks, thanks, and thanks! I have some editing to do :D

8/9/2010 #442

I have a dilemma: my poem for the July WCC (which didn't do anywhere near as well as I expected it to do) has one MAJOR problem - it's title is "For Shame, Ares" - nobody who I've had look at it so far understands what "ugh... uhh..." means.

I killed two people in that poem, and it was sort of central to the action. Does anyone have a better way to dialogue someone's death?


Also, I saw somewhere up a ways that improvisationallychallenged had never seen a drunk, first-person PoV on this website - I have. I've seen two, actually, and they're both mine. :p

8/19/2010 #443

Does anyone have a better way to dialogue someone's death?

'Alas, I die.'


How are they killed? Like if you get shot wouldn't it just be a gurgle and then zip, as opposed to being stabbed where you have time to vocalize a bit more?

Also, I saw somewhere up a ways that improvisationallychallenged had never seen a drunk, first-person PoV on this website - I have. I've seen two, actually, and they're both mine. :p

Ha, it is my never-ending quest to search out drunk first person POVs. I shall investigate!

8/19/2010 #444

The first one is definitely stabbed. And, because the symmetry is important, it may be safely assumed that the second one is also stabbed.

Seriously, I put more layers and effort and symbolism into that poem than I have in any of my other works, and I have found no one who has been able to see it. That poem could be excellent, but it isn't yet.

8/19/2010 #445

And, xen, the titles of those poems:

"Tell Your Eyes" and a smidgen at the end of "(Thewhimsicalbard, Too)"

8/19/2010 #446

I guess the only thing I can think of would be to draw the 'uuuhh' groans out a bit. Really, I don't think it matters if no one else gets it so long as you're happy with it. Maybe you could put in a little author's note of explanation? Or is that a no-no with poetry? I'm sorry I'm not much help, I'm terrible with these kinds of things, and most poetry sails right on over my head...

But I hope you find someone who see's the effort you put in. We all deserve that :)

8/20/2010 #447

I have a question about tense. Is it okay to change it within the same piece? If it is, say, experimental?

9/5/2010 #448

Yes, definitely. In my opinion, at least.

9/5/2010 #449

Awesome. Didn't mean to switch tenses, but I'm trying to rationalize it now because I think it works :p

9/5/2010 #450
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