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Shakespeare and other stuff. The big kids club.
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sophiesix

yyynnnooooo, you get told everything in due course, i've spilled no secrets i don't think... but stick with Puppet, Li, a) its better written and b) by the time you get to Nochnayia i might have some of kinks reworked and you can look over with fresh eyes to see if it actually works!

9/15/2010 #481
xenolith

It's not confusing to me, though it would probably help those who are confused if the names were different? It's pretty obvious that Part 2 is a flashback, and I think if you changed up the order and started in St Petersburg you'd loose the strong beginning and emotional punch. For me, half the tension in the story is knowing he's going to end up there.

9/15/2010 #482
sophiesix

thanks Xen! i kinda feel that way too, except for teh name thing. i didn't make it clear, but that's one of teh triggers for why Nikolai sort of drags her into his Katyushka delusion. do you its believable that he would still replace katya for Katyushka if their names weren't so similar/ teh same? i mean, some comes to your door offering herself to you, calling herself katyushka, and you're there tearing your heart out about a lost love called katyushka... snap?

9/15/2010 #483
sophiesix

and hey liana, don't worry, this is all first chapter stuff :D

9/15/2010 #484
xenolith

Oh... oh yeah well that makes sense. The name acts as a trigger for his delusion, that's pretty cool actually. Well, how many reviewers are confused? If it's not many then maybe a review reply along this nature would clear things up.

9/15/2010 #485
lookingwest

oi! shit, I forgot this was here! D:

Who didn't realise Part 2 occured Before Part 1, chronologically speaking, and was in fact just Nikolai telling Katya about how he ended up at the labour camp?

Not me! I understood that right away.

and finally, would all these problems be fixed if i put teh story into chronological order, starting with Nikolai in St Petersburg adn having Katya's camp bit in the middle?

I don't think you should, I think it's very easy to understand. XD

9/15/2010 #486
C. Tattiana H-H

yyynnnooooo, you get told everything in due course, i've spilled no secrets i don't think... but stick with Puppet, Li,

and hey liana, don't worry, this is all first chapter stuff :D

Phew! I was worried there for a second. XD And, no worries, I still plan on finishing Puppet... before I check out any of your other multi-chaps. :D

9/15/2010 #487
sophiesix

Well, how many reviewers are confused?

lol. I haven't been keeping track, at least three?

If it's not many then maybe a review reply along this nature would clear things up.

yeah, i review reply as they come up, but ideally it shouldn't be that confusing, and it worries me about teh people that don't review (although they've probably stopped reading in utter befuzzlement). maybe i'll rework that intial scene so she's like: my names Katya. and he's like: Katyushka! and she's like, uh, Katya. pffftarg. mebbe.

9/15/2010 #488
sophiesix

the thing is though, you wouldn't would you? so long as he gives you your medicine, he can call you whatever he likes, what do you care? ggraaarghmph

9/15/2010 #489
sophiesix

I don't think you should, I think it's very easy to understand. XD

Thanks Em! ok, so its not just me in my windey little mind making up some crazy story no one actually gets. good to know. XD

9/15/2010 #490
xenolith

Does anyone have any handy tips for reducing the amount of I's in first person? I read some once... and then forgot.

Like, is there any way to avoid saying 'I wondered if...' or, the 'I did this...' kind of sentence starter?

9/18/2010 #491
C. Tattiana H-H

I would do something like, "Wondering if blah, blah, I, blah, blah" and "Reaching for the coffee mug, I slipped on a banana peel and fell on my face." I find "ing" words can break that "I blah, blah" rhythm pretty well.

9/18/2010 #492
C. Tattiana H-H

Accidental double post because the Internet's funky today.

9/18/2010 . Edited 9/18/2010 #493
sophiesix

yeah, this one is a problem i get a lot. two other solutions: put another phrase first e.g.

Behind the... After the... Though he... It was... Like a... While... This meant that... The fact that... Most of..

I tend to open a random book and see waht they aer starting sentences with to break me out of the rut.

2nd option: spend some time reaslly getting in your narrative/ character voice. you don't think : in sentences starting in I's in your own head, how does this

character think?

have a look at the balance of setting descrioption, emotional descriotion, action, thought and dialogue, and just add in whats missing?

9/18/2010 #494
sophiesix

Noch's latest review:

"...Aside from that, I really like this tale within a tale technique, though I am a little confused. Are Katya and Ekaterina the same person? Could you clarify more of what happened that led up this point in the story?"

*cries*

9/18/2010 #495
Tawny Owl

If it makes you feel better I understood all Katya's names going together. They do all have similar elements to them if you think about it. Plus for most of the first part Katya and Nikolai are the only two people in the room/forest/stolen hut so who else would they be talking to? (although Katya does have her dream sequences going on).

Nikolai/Kolya I had to think about a bit more though, but I think that's because the western bent would be to call him Nikki.

9/19/2010 #496
MidNight The Magnificent

*smacks head against wall* To think that I've been writing purely from IMAGINATION all along!

For a recent school project, I had to write a script, and reading the news for inspiration, I came up with a political satire piece. I loved it, but my classmates were too sissy/chicken to pick mine to shoot because they were afraid of offending the government.

I should read the news more often. Or at least skim the headlines. There's really no joy in writing, for me, unless I can end up offending someONE(although, ideally, a lot of people.)

9/19/2010 #497
sophiesix

*smacks head against wall* To think that I've been writing purely from IMAGINATION all along

LOL!

the visual is undoubtedly important, but every now and again i find myself writing as if it is a movie, too visual dominant, and get mad at myself. i think writing can immerse you in a scene so much better if you use more than teh visual, adn do all sorts of fancy weird stuff of its own too that I often don't think to explore when i'm concentrating over much on teh visual

Thanks Tawny!.... But you know they are different people, right? Katya the zek and Katyushka the violinist? i just ask because a heap have people have been coming out of teh woodwork thinking they are teh same person... :(

9/19/2010 #498
MidNight The Magnificent

Writing from imagination is good, but not much chance of offending people when you do that. When you use current affairs and especially make a JOKE out of it, then, it gets "controversial".

Care to take a look at the short piece that I was talking about?

Also, how do you "quote" me with that little grey bar beside my words? (Sorry if this already seems super obvious to everyone else.)

9/19/2010 #499
lookingwest

Also, how do you "quote" me with that little grey bar beside my words? (Sorry if this already seems super obvious to everyone else.)

Write out your message, then highlight what you want to quote, then go the 'Style' box on the tool bar with the 'bold' 'italics' 'underline', and drop it down and find 'Quote', press it, and it will quote the text for you!

9/19/2010 #500
MidNight The Magnificent

Ah! I get it now! Thanks a lot!

Write out your message, then highlight what you want to quote, then go the 'Style' box on the tool bar with the 'bold' 'italics' 'underline', and drop it down and find 'Quote', press it, and it will quote the text for you!

9/19/2010 #501
Matthew J. Brown

I'm in the middle of making my fantasy world even more complicated in my head. Dammit. Well, not really, because complexity fleshes things out.

Considering, in this case, the possibility that one of my intelligent humanoid species may have more genders than two. And what that might do.

9/20/2010 #502
MidNight The Magnificent

Ah... Fantasy worlds. I have those. Lived in one, and refused to come out for about 2 years back then. Fantasy worlds are fun! Oh yeah. More genders than two?! Whao. I just know that this is gonna be messy. Still, at least they can't get themselves preggers all alone, and vastly multiply out of control, right?

9/20/2010 #503
Matthew J. Brown

Ah, nope. That could get messy indeed. I don't plan to go into great specifics of the activities required to reproduce -- though I'll probably work it out anyway, knowing how these things work.

9/20/2010 #504
thewhimsicalbard

I don't know if anyone here has read it, but I have this poem called "in each streetcornered bard".

Even though it was one of my earliest poems, I am still rather proud of it. I wrote it with e.e. cummings' style in mind--with heavy attention to spacing and that sort of thing, for anyone who understands the style that cummings wrote with.

However, FP does not like formatting. Like, at all. It won't even let me use HTML to do spacing or anything like that. So, I am left with underscores (the font colors of which I cannot change) to compensate for the spaces. However, I can say with some degree of certainty that it ruins aesthetic effect of the poem. Anybody have any ideas?

9/23/2010 #505
Tekla

I wouldn't know.

maybe if you put some html in there for "invisible" words or symbols?

9/23/2010 #506
xenolith

Oh formatting woes. I think it looks okay. What about dots .............. or ---------------------- normal dashes?

9/23/2010 #507
thewhimsicalbard

I tried the invisible thing, actually. And I tried the nonremovable space function. Neither of them worked particularly well (read: at all).

9/23/2010 #508
sophiesix

so by invisible you mean white font, right?

9/23/2010 #509
thewhimsicalbard

naturally. is anyone on here a beast with understanding html? i know my basics but my resident html geek left me to go to MIT... so i'm short any kind of high level knowledge of how to circumvent FP's system here.

9/23/2010 #510
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