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Alexander Starkiller

Cup of dirt. :D

And Jeanie: "N*** bungee jumping." She rocks!

Steven- I bought one walkie talkie. I don't want anyone to hear what I'm saying.

1/3/2011 #991
Addison Black

Alex, thanks for making me laugh... I needed it...

1/3/2011 #992
Alexander Starkiller

I'm good for those, at least.

Steven- You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.

What are imitation rhinestones?

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, "Cut it out."

1/3/2011 #993
Addison Black

In the version I heard it was Germany ;)

1/3/2011 #994
Alexander Starkiller

I dunno...

Oh well. I'm done.

Escalators can't break, they just turn into stairs.

1/3/2011 #995
Addison Black

hahaha, wow...

1/3/2011 #996
Alexander Starkiller

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60.

Last year we drove across the country. We switched on the driving... every half mile... We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..."

1/3/2011 #997
Drake Lightwing

Hey guys! :-D I don't know those but I do know Dane Cook!

"I would have a trap door in front of my house. Anyone who came to the party I didn't want would fall down, but they wouldn't be able to be angry at me because it would be a marsh mellow marsh."

"There's that guy at work who everyone doesn't like, you just know he's going to snap, I would give that guy candy."

"Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you going 80?"

1/3/2011 #998
Alexander Starkiller

Anyone for Tosh? Or Mitch Hedberg?

Mitch- I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Tosh- But if you had to eat people to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic backgrounds? You can get as uncomfortable as you want, we're gonna do this joke. Think Mexican people are spicy? Do you have to have chips and salsa before you bite into Jose or can you just dig in? I know, guacamole's extra! I'm doing everybody. Chinese people: Are you hungry again thirty minutes later for more? Black people: Get ready, mmm-hmm, taste like chicken. White people: You don't eat white people. I don't make the rules. That's how that joke has to end.

And the continuation of that joke: I don't upset Black people doing that joke - I had a white lady scream at me once. She was like "What gives you the right to do jokes about Black people like that?" I was like, "Listen lady, my best friend - my *best* friend, is Cuban, and that's close enough."

1/3/2011 #999
Drake Lightwing

Ha ha. Like from Tosh.0? Yeah I enjoy him, he uses a monotone which makes the delivery that much better.

Or Englasias:

"There are five kinds of fat... "

I don't remember the rest but fluffy and DAMN! are in there somewhere.

1/3/2011 #1,000
Alexander Starkiller

"Big, Healthy, Husky..." :) Oh, and you've never heard monotone until you've listened to Steven Wright. He's a pro!

Tosh- I have voices in my head. They speak in Spanish so I have no idea what they're saying. That's irritating; I wish one of them would get a job…what? They just moved here from Spain, and if you thought they were Mexican, that's because you're racist.

Oh the floors lava! That's the lava game, when you pretend that the floor is lava and you climb up on all the furniture. I see some of you don't get that. I don't care, that's OK. You might have called it something else, but it meant the same thing - you were poor. I'll tell my mom, "I want a Nintendo" "Oh the floors lava!" "Oh my God! Whats wrong with our house? Why can't we afford better carpeting?

EDIT: POST NUMBA 1000 AND/OR 1001!!!

1/3/2011 . Edited 1/3/2011 #1,001
Drake Lightwing

I was post 1000! I played all sorts of games: Lava Floor, Hide and Seek.... :-D

1/4/2011 #1,002
Alexander Starkiller

Fleur, your post only counts as 1000 if you count the Original Post, that came with the thread.

1/4/2011 #1,003
Addison Black

Hahaha!

1/4/2011 #1,004
Chelise87

"If somebody has enough time ane money to go to the trouble ot putting up a "BUMP" sign by the road, why can't they just FIX THE BUMP!" I forget who said that, but it was hilarious, because he pretty much yelled that last bit, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Y'know what I've always wanted to see? A photo of a bunch of those "BUMP" and "DIP" signs, alternating down a road, with some demotivational-esque caption.

I've been absent for two days!!! Inconcievable!

1/4/2011 #1,005
Alexander Starkiller

Inconceivable! Haha... Well, if you can find me a picture, I can make you a caption.

Oh, and for those who haven't seen this--everyone but Chelise-- here, I made this: http://tinyurl.com/2vavcpg

1/4/2011 #1,006
Drake Lightwing

Yep. But since the topic couldn't exist without Post #1 in the first place my post does count as 1000..not to mention the # 1000 at the bottom of it...

1/5/2011 #1,007
Alexander Starkiller

Know how the main forum page gives you the number of posts as well? According to that, just after I posted, it was "1000". And according to the little post numbers here, in topic, I am at least 1001, which is cool, like "1001 jokes about the Swiss" or some other book with a large number of short sentences.

1/5/2011 #1,008
Chelise87

I've looked, but I can't find a picture like that. :(

1/5/2011 #1,009
Alexander Starkiller

Oh well, if you ever find a picture of something, anything really, give it to me and I'll caption it up. [Include ideas of what you want it to say if you want to, and if not, I can come up with my own just fine.] This applies to all of you, not just Chelise, by the way.

1/5/2011 #1,010
Chelise87

That's pretty cool. I'l remember that next time I run across something funny.

1/5/2011 #1,011
Alexander Starkiller

I think I should mention this to Magnus, too. So I shall.

1/5/2011 #1,012
Chelise87

Yeah, she'd probably like that.

1/5/2011 #1,013
Alexander Starkiller

I feel like she'd probably send bunny pictures as is her wont.

1/5/2011 #1,014
Chelise87

Probably. Or make fun of Justin Bieber.

1/5/2011 #1,015
Drake Lightwing

But poking Bieber jokes is sooooooo fuun

1/5/2011 #1,016
Bleeding Perfection

The beeb's a six letter f-word with two g's in the middle.

1/5/2011 #1,017
Chelise87

I have no clue what you're talking about, lol.

1/6/2011 . Edited 1/6/2011 #1,018
Fleur-de-lis Evans

Lol,Chris. :-D

It's alright, I'm sure I don't understand what's going on either. I just made a comment based upon the posts made before mine and I read something related to bieber....

1/6/2011 #1,019
Chelise87

Oh, I was just saying that someone might like having Alex put captions on pictures making fun of Bieber.

And my previous post was directed at Chris, because I don't know what he is saying.

1/6/2011 #1,020
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